Inner Strength

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
Based on a true story.

Submitted: April 26, 2016

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Submitted: April 26, 2016

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Always, without fail, she'd sit out in the fenced porch of my two story house around nine at night. She'd just sit there, look at the stars, while waiting for her two beagles to finish their business in the grassy area. She didn't have to worry about them escaping, because well, her small property was fenced.

She'd sit out there with the same hand-me-down clothes as she looked at the moon intently. Why had she thought that the moon could grant her wishes? Why was it oh so important to her? Hell, why did she even care?

She was nothing but a stupid, anti-social, suicidal, sixteen year old with the curvy body and jelly like legs who had never had a boyfriend. She had played around in her past with girls her age, but had never come to think of herself as a lesbian. Thus, she had developed unrealistic fantasies of having an insanely handsome guy as her boyfriend.

I could sit here and go on a much wider disturbing narration about her otherwise depressing life, but I don't think I will.

The girl with the short wavy brown hair sat out there with the same clouding thoughts in her mind, until those clouds had reached her eyes. Again, her face brimmed with tears, and again, tears fell.

Pitiful sight, really. If I'd have been there, I would have told her everything was going to be alright.

Should I perhaps get a rope from somewhere, loop it around my neck, and hang myself for people to see?

Madness shone in her big brown eyes. But … she took that thought back. It was an on and off thing that she did, thinking about her death, and rethinking it again, knowing deep down it wasn't such a good idea. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't.

It was mostly because of her loving, but dysfunctional family. If she had to pick an excuse for bailing out on a possibly good idea, it was that one. She had never tried self-harm, and would never, although that too, would have been a good idea.

She would be able to cry bitter tears of physical pain, and let out her inner pain along with it, but no, the thought had never crossed her mind. Crying was useless, she knew. What was crying good for? Would it solve the problems mostly caused by her insecure self?

The dead-end answer was always No.

Then, where could she run? Could she even hide? But where? If her father, the person she feared the most on this planet, found her, she would never hear the end of it. She was a coward, shaking like that in the chair.

It was consuming her, her very being.

The moon should grant wishes. Its like such a huge star. It outshines the stars.

By now, tears were falling off her chin. Just then, she heard a whine. She looked down to see one of the beagles licking her hand.

“I'm okay, I am.”

The beagle only looked at her, and nudged the pocket of her jeans. She broke out into a big smile as she pulled out what looked like an mp4, along with her earphones.

Solace right? Well, there was only one place where that girl could hide. The only thing people could never take away from her : Music. Around this time, when the pain got too great, she would plug her ears with the earphones.

Do you know what she did?

She danced. She twirled, swayed, moved her hips, and just … let herself be taken by it. She was wild that way. She didn't care that cars passed by. She simply did what her aching heart had craved. And in an odd sort of way, she'd see like a glimmer.

A glimmer of hope.

Something inside her told her that it wouldn't always be this way. If music was sufficient to take her out of her misery, then she'd grasp that invisible hand and let herself be pulled out of the gloom. Maybe it wouldn't solve all of her problems, but at least it would serve as a stepping stone.

Inner strength is something we all have.

- A.R. Silver


© Copyright 2017 A.R.Silver. All rights reserved.

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