silence at its loudest

Thoughts consuming me… I want to run
Feeling so overtaken with guilt and hate and disbelief
I don’t know how to change who I am… to feel the way I want
Always hating me from the inside out, effecting all my relationships
I want to be happy… can I find the way?
All the pain in me racing through every thought
Vivid memories going around and around
Tracing the exact steps of time past
I can see the faces of all those who have ruined me
Who have taken from me my childhood and thrown it into the
nothingness of my future
Never knowing the pain that I would feel years after the hours have past
Everyday shedding a tear for the part of me that has died
Over thinking all the ways I could have kept myself whole
Could I have stopped the demons from trespassing beyond my eyes
Built a barrier in hopes of staying happy, to not have to think about
all the crude things I have received
Do they not know that they do… the constant pain that they cause
Knowing that they have changed how I see the world, how I see the
relationships that I am in
They have ruined me… soiled who I am… destroyed my love
Destroying my future while burning my past
I wait for the day when fate will take its revenge
When you will be torn to pieces and no one will be there to care
All that you have done will be brought to the surface 
Shown to the world for who you are and laughed at
Someone will take you down, ruin all you have achieved
Take away everything happy that you knew and throw it into the ground
Mercy you will not receive, just silence at its loudest

Submitted: January 27, 2010

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