Strange Sadness

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
It is a short story based on real life incident.

Submitted: August 10, 2012

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Submitted: August 10, 2012




Strange Pain

We met around a year ago in one of my friends` party. We got along well and at the end we exchanged our facebook ids. Well, I am a very reserved person and do not get close to someone that easily. I have around 300 friends in facebook most of whom are my childhood friends or my relatives. It is strange that I have not chatted with someone online for months for a person who was chat crazy as a young teenager. I am telling all this about me as an explanation to why I did not move my conversation forward with that girl I met through facebook. I am not going to lie by saying I did not give a damn about her as I looked through every pages of her facebook profile like an stalker, first thing being her relationship status. Luckily she was single.
The city I currently live in must be one of the most conservative societies although being one of the most developed one. I am not a local here and in my freshmen year I was bitterly disappointment with the college life in terms of relationship. It was never going to be like those movies, but such low rate of students in relationship, I had never imagined. Thus, needless to say I was single. I had this disparate urge to have a girlfriend. But why this urge never helps me with confidence when I talk to a girl I will never understand. Its not that I am shy to talk to girls in every cases. Its just when its something related to relationship or flirting.
We belonged to different departments separated by  just 20 mins walk, though I seldom went to her college. She was not the most beautiful girl in my college. I have to admit I thought she was cute though. I don't know where this  idea came from but I thought she was a bit out of my league as she looked outgoing, expensive.
All this bragging about her, but the number of times we have met face to face is just twice and both in mutual friends` party. Facebook has quit a a social impact, doesn`t it? It made me feel as if I knew her since a long time even though we have met only twice and liked each others` status a few times. So time passed by. There were no sign of progress in our friendship (not sure if it counts as friendship) excepts few facebook likes. But still, time and again I used to stalk her facebook and fancy how it would be like if we were in a relationship. Sometimes, I thought of staying online and wait for her to be online so that we could talk. If I had that much of commitment, i would have rather talked to her directly. It is not that hard to find someone`s phone number these days, is it? But I didnt. And just like that one year passed since we first met. Our friendship limited to liking each other`s status.
And when i was still wondering how to approach her, recently, i got to know from my friend that she is going to another country as an exchange student soon, which also meant I wont be seeing her even after she came back as I will have graduated. One of a posts in her FB wall confirmed this news to me. So what that a girl I met twice in a party is going to another country, and may be we will never meet again?? So what one of my FB contacts is going to leave country for a year?? So what .....?? So what ....?? So what.............?? right?? But NO!!!! It, in some weird way which my brain does not understand but my heart does, seems to matter to me. But why why why??? I question myself. Why cant I help myself be gloomy. Why do I feel bad that  she is leaving? Is it my failure to approach her? Is it because I am still single?? Is it because she proves me a fail? Why????????????? As my brain tries to answer to these questions, my heart deals with this strange pain, deep indescribable pain.


PS : Excuse me for my language errors as I am not a native writer.

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