I Wasn't Only Me. I Was Only Trapped. Now I'm Here

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I Wasn't Only Me. I Was Only Trapped. Now I'm Here

Status: Finished

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I Wasn't Only Me. I Was Only Trapped. Now I'm Here

Book by: Abligate Icanthtinkofapenlastname

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Genre: Memoir

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Summary

Just me and my old thoughts, when I had issues... I still have them, but I'm alive now, and I'm me

Summary

Just me and my old thoughts, when I had issues... I still have them, but I'm alive now, and I'm me

Author Chapter Note

I wanted to share things I've writeen through my issues somehow. I felt it meant something. These are my journal entries as I hve gone through desparation, instability, violence, suicide attempts, eating disorders, love, hospitalizations, denial, realizing I'm gay, going to jail, and at the end of it all, being me. It's a happy tale, only because I'm free now...so keep that in mind.

Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: August 28, 2010

Reads: 84

Comments: 1

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Chapter Content - ver.1

Submitted: August 28, 2010

A A A

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This is a happy story...

4-28-2010

12am

Being up is lonely.

There is hardly any sound and my thoughts seem like aliens in the silence, coming at me from every direction, telling me what's wrong even when it's not. I hear sounds in my stomach and pictures flash by on my computer screen. The time on my clock seems to go by extra slowly. I cringe at things I've done, though they should bring me pleasure. My mind isolates within me, feelings of inadequacy. My mind isolates me from the world, from my family, my friends, my success, my potential. My mind will make me believe it's really all just my body, all my issues will be solved the day I'm content in it. Somewhere distant I know this isn't true. I know that what i need is mental stability, to get where I want to be physically, socially...

Time goes by and the huge pressure of the silence seems to want to burst through my ears.

I'm cold and I'm gripping my journal as if it's precious, as if it's my life...it's not.

Claire...

I'm cold and I'm alone. My dreams seem like only that, not anything achievable anymore even though I know deep within me is potential. I know

Self fullfilling proficy

12:12am


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