Its darkness all around
A heartbeat is the only sound
I’m scared of what lies ahead
I scream to avoid my dread
Up ahead I see a light
I try to avoid it with all my might
Though I try, I continue to fail
Something is pulling me, I am compelled
Something grabs me by my head
I can feel my anger I’m getting mad
I leave the comfort of this place
But I can rest easy, I see my mother’s face
Submitted: September 03, 2009
© Copyright 2022 acedawg. All rights reserved.
Comments
Cool,
heres my version:
I see up ahead the flesh doors
that open to the shiny floors
But soon they will be stained with blood
from the placenta that will come out, cuz
Man, here I come unto this earth
from a strange weird and smelly birth
My mother is shouting as I come out
wonder what that shits all about?
I see a face,ugly as hell
He wipes my mommas ass, as it does smell
Whatya think???
Love it!!!!!!! Great job.
Fri, September 4th, 2009 2:09amthis was sooo good. I actually imagined it!
please read my new novel Why does he love me..?
It would be great if you could!
x
Wow great work. You know this reminded me of being in the room when my son was born. He is adopted. When he came out he was so upset. I was thinking then poor baby. I wished we could really get a glimpse of what babies think when they are being born. Very well written.
Fri, September 4th, 2009 10:08pmThats a really good interpretation! well done :D
Sat, September 5th, 2009 2:11pmThat's a fine and also cute way of telling this everyday drama
Sat, September 5th, 2009 6:11pmi loved it and it was great how it rhymed and if you have time vould you read my poem called a couples love????
Sat, September 5th, 2009 6:59pmThank you for adding rhyme to a reason, especially to the perspective of a baby, well done.
Mon, September 7th, 2009 3:52pmVery interesting i liked how it was shown from the babies point of view
Wed, September 9th, 2009 4:21aminteresting creative expression. very nice imagery :)
Thu, September 10th, 2009 6:22pmbeyond nice your really talnted
Thu, September 10th, 2009 11:19pmPlease you have to finish his piece, its lovely and wow.. i cld imagine it. I'm going to take it to FaceB/.
Tue, September 22nd, 2009 5:27pmI think this was so neat. Loved the way you built it.
A gem.
Susan
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TheManWithManyWalls
seriously, that's a nice poem can't even begin to cover how amazing that was. It was fun to read and it even rhymed, not many poems rhyme nowadays so it was way more than a nice frakin poem, it was pure genius!
Thu, September 3rd, 2009 5:33pmAuthor
Reply
lol thank you much. If you get a chance read my Kalador novel. That's my best writing to date as novels go, nowhere near finished though.
Thu, September 3rd, 2009 10:36am