Its darkness all around
A heartbeat is the only sound
I’m scared of what lies ahead
I scream to avoid my dread
Up ahead I see a light
I try to avoid it with all my might
Though I try, I continue to fail
Something is pulling me, I am compelled
Something grabs me by my head
I can feel my anger I’m getting mad
I leave the comfort of this place
But I can rest easy, I see my mother’s face
Submitted: September 03, 2009
© Copyright 2022 acedawg. All rights reserved.
Comments
Cool,
heres my version:
I see up ahead the flesh doors
that open to the shiny floors
But soon they will be stained with blood
from the placenta that will come out, cuz
Man, here I come unto this earth
from a strange weird and smelly birth
My mother is shouting as I come out
wonder what that shits all about?
I see a face,ugly as hell
He wipes my mommas ass, as it does smell
Whatya think???
Author
Reply
crazy ass
Thu, September 3rd, 2009 6:21pm
Love it!!!!!!! Great job.
Fri, September 4th, 2009 2:09am
Author
Reply
thank you
Fri, September 4th, 2009 5:26am
this was sooo good. I actually imagined it!
please read my new novel Why does he love me..?
It would be great if you could!
x
Author
Reply
will do and thanks
Fri, September 4th, 2009 5:27am
Wow great work. You know this reminded me of being in the room when my son was born. He is adopted. When he came out he was so upset. I was thinking then poor baby. I wished we could really get a glimpse of what babies think when they are being born. Very well written.
Fri, September 4th, 2009 10:08pm
Author
Reply
thank you
Fri, September 4th, 2009 5:10pm
Thats a really good interpretation! well done :D
Sat, September 5th, 2009 2:11pm
Author
Reply
thank you. read my Kalador novel I've started when you can, my best work i believe. plus, the everyday life is kinda cool
Sat, September 5th, 2009 7:22am
That's a fine and also cute way of telling this everyday drama
Sat, September 5th, 2009 6:11pm
Author
Reply
thank you. read kalador when you can
Sat, September 5th, 2009 11:22am
i loved it and it was great how it rhymed and if you have time vould you read my poem called a couples love????
Sat, September 5th, 2009 6:59pm
Author
Reply
sure will, when you can read my Kalador work
Sun, September 6th, 2009 6:59am
Thank you for adding rhyme to a reason, especially to the perspective of a baby, well done.
Mon, September 7th, 2009 3:52pm
Author
Reply
thanks read my other works when you can.
Mon, September 7th, 2009 9:04am
Very interesting i liked how it was shown from the babies point of view
Wed, September 9th, 2009 4:21am
Author
Reply
thanks again
Wed, September 9th, 2009 4:40am
interesting creative expression. very nice imagery :)
Thu, September 10th, 2009 6:22pm
Author
Reply
thank you. read my every day life series. not very descriptive, but I am writing it for fun. My main work is the Kalador novel.
Thu, September 10th, 2009 11:33am
beyond nice your really talnted
Thu, September 10th, 2009 11:19pm
Author
Reply
thank you very much
Thu, September 10th, 2009 4:21pm
Please you have to finish his piece, its lovely and wow.. i cld imagine it. I'm going to take it to FaceB/.
Tue, September 22nd, 2009 5:27pm
Author
Reply
thank you
Tue, September 22nd, 2009 10:59am
I think this was so neat. Loved the way you built it.
A gem.
Susan
Author
Reply
thanks ill read some of yours later, 2. i stay pretty busy writing and working.
Sun, October 4th, 2009 6:35amFacebook Comments
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TheManWithManyWalls
seriously, that's a nice poem can't even begin to cover how amazing that was. It was fun to read and it even rhymed, not many poems rhyme nowadays so it was way more than a nice frakin poem, it was pure genius!
Thu, September 3rd, 2009 5:33pmAuthor
Reply
lol thank you much. If you get a chance read my Kalador novel. That's my best writing to date as novels go, nowhere near finished though.
Thu, September 3rd, 2009 10:36am