Falling Short of Beautiful

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
Falling Short of Beautiful is a story of a teenage girl named Joan with a terrible secret. WARNING: It probably should be more of a pg-13 due to slight profanity and disturbing and mature issues.

Submitted: January 09, 2011

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Submitted: January 09, 2011

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It was Joan's 16th birthday party.

"Joan you look so good!"

"Damn girl, you look super hot tonight!"

"You are so skinning!"

"You look like a model!"

Thoughts of the nice things people had said to her raced around in Joan's head. For a moment-a brief second in time-she was happy, then as Joan walked over to a group of her friends she heard one of them say "Joan is such a fatty! She's really packing on the pounds!" Then they, her best friends in the whole world, laughed, and Joan's beautiful night came crashing down on her. She raced upstairs to the half-bath room that was hardly ever used, slamming the door shut. She jammed her finger in the back of her throat gagging, then throwing up everything she had eaten that day-half a bag of low calorie non-fat no-salt peanuts, carrots, and some left over green beans. Calories, calories, calories! she cursed inwardly.

Joan wished she had more strength. If she didn't like food so god-damn much she'd go without it completely. If it were only that easy. Most of the time people got offended when she didn't eat. They'd ask things like "What's wrong, do you not like *fill in the carb-loaded thunder thigh-making food*?" or "Are you feeling alright, you look a bit gray," those kind of probing questions complicated things for Joan. It was getting harder and harder to "dodge the bullet," as it were,  and find excuses for her lack of appetite, so she'd eat a just a little to appease them, then throw it up later.

Joan hated it. She hated it when her mom tried to have her little "come-to-Jesus-talks" about Joan's weight or eating habits. Those kind of "discussions" always turned into Joan and her mother screaming in each others faces, ending with Joan going on a run just to get away from that paranoid psychopath." Everyone knows that you practically breed fat sitting down, Joan reasoned

As Joan was washing her hands in that hardly ever used half-bath, she heard a knock on the door. "Be out in a sec" Joan shouted at the door.

"Joan?" asked a timid sounding Meg "Are you ok? I thought I heard...I thought I heard puking..." she said her voice trailing off.

crap crap crappty crap
"Um yeah, I thing I ate some bad food" Joan lied "I wasn't feeling so hot before, but I feel much better now."

Joan opened the door to see Megs face relaxing from its anxious frown into her signature smile. "Oh that's a relief" she sighed

"What do you mean?" Joan asked faking bafflement.

"Oh somebody said that you heard us joking around about how 'fat' you are,"Meg said making quote marks in the air and rolling her eyes simultaneously. "They said that you are... and that you came up here to...to..." Meg stutter, unsure as she looked at Joan's unusually thin waist.

"Let me guess, they said I was going to puke my guts out like a retard?" Joan finished sarcastically Meg nodded in response."ech"Joan shrugged "I love food to much for all that shit, I just ate some thing that made my stomach freak out"

Meg smiled "Yeah I think that person was just jealous of cuz you're so skinning cuz of your over-active metabolism."

"Yeah and that fact I'm hawt!" Joan said joking.

"Same difference" the other girl smiled, shrugging.

Joan didn't eat the rest of that night or the next two days and ran twice her usual workout. "Joan is such a fatty! she's really packing on the pounds," and her conversation with Meg played over and over and over again like a broken record, pushing Joan further and faster.

"Yeah, I think that person was just jealous of cuz you're so skinning cuz of your over-active metabolism."

"Yeah and that fact I'm hawt!"

"Same difference"

The following year Joan was hospitalized due to her eating disorder. She was released a week later, her parents, friends, and multiple psychiatrists, watching her closely. A month after being released from the hospital, the day before her 17th birthday, Joan killed herself. One bullet to her head, her entire collection of Vogue magazines spread across her bed.

In her eyes, Joan would always fall short of beautiful, so she chose death instead.

Author's note: Joan's story may be fictional, but thousands of girls have found themselves in the same life-endangering situation. There is such a thing as "to thin to be beautiful." If you or someone you know is suffering from an eating disorder please get help now. http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/


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