Like a Snowflake

Reads: 1609  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 64

Status: Finished  |  Genre: Literary Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

I stand on a rooftop and look down on the world.

I stand at the edge of the roof. Cold wind bites at every part of exposed skin. Snow swirls and settles around me. Looking down the people look like ants that scurry and bustle, living their daily lives unaware of me watching.

The muted sounds of car horns and traffic float their way up to my ears, harsh and discordant compared to the illusion of silence that blankets me.

I throw my head back and stare into the grey clouded skies above. Snow flakes, each and every individual one different from the other but their lives are short and inconsequential. They exist and when they melt and disappear most make no significant difference to anyone’s life. My life stands at the edge and I see the parallels, life in comparison to the age of the earth is short and most people make no significant contribution to history. I am one of them but the length of my life is still undecided.

This spot is isolated and reflect my thoughts. Cold and bleak. I consider the metres to the pavement as I have often done. Sometimes I wonder if I just took a step forward into the space in front of me whether anyone would care, whether anyone would even notice. So busy with their lives, they don’t notice, they do not see. I paste a fake smile on my face and act. The smile never reaches my eyes, they do not notice, they do not see.

They see the person I pretend to be. The always happy go lucky personality that will always cheer them up. They have no wish to see further, occasionally I give them a glimpse of the real me. They ask me ‘what’s wrong’, I tell them ‘nothing is wrong’ and reapply an empty smile before changing the subject, when all I want to do is yell from this roof and tell the world ‘what isn’t wrong!’ They still do not notice, they do not see.

I’ve become tired of the charade but still, I play the game. I am who they allow me to be, not who I choose to be, not what I am forced to be but only who they allow me to be. I can only show the mask and I am tired of it. They do not notice, they do not see.

I can never tell. I do and they hate who I am, so I do not. They are the friends of the person I pretend to be not the inside of me. The real person I am shows sometimes but they just look at me odd and say to ‘stop being weird’. They do not notice, they do not see.

I am trapped within myself by their expectations.

I’m done pretending, I’m done.

I shove my frozen hands into my pockets and close my eyes.

They do not notice, they do not see.

Like a snowflake, I fall free.

(A/N:Please comment and let me know what you think. Thank you!)


Submitted: November 19, 2010

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Comments

ZeroG57

That was really a beautifully written story. Reminds me of when I used to be suicidal and whenever I just showed a little inch of my unhappiness everyone would isolate me. They wouldn't want to talk to the crazy freak that always wants the "attention." Though I found a true friend who helped me to get help and I'm much happier now.

Anyway not to get off topic, I really I like the whole story and it's realistic too.

Fri, November 19th, 2010 3:06pm

Author
Reply

Thanks for the comment.

Fri, November 19th, 2010 7:16am

chikapr

OMG... this is so powerful....
i swear i felt like it was all happening to me
the way you describe the whole situation, comparing life to snowflakes... Wow
just wow...
loved it
sad
but loved it

Sat, November 20th, 2010 3:25pm

Author
Reply

Thanks I'm glad you liked it! :)

Sat, November 20th, 2010 9:18am

cmore

Ok, sorry it took me so long to comment but I was lookiing for a word to describe this, but unfortunatley it would take wayy too long and I'm sure you'd want your comment in THIS century. This is undescribable and beautiful! I love it! :O)?

Sat, November 20th, 2010 4:41pm

Author
Reply

Thanks for reading. I'm glad you thought it was good. :)

Sat, November 20th, 2010 9:20am

Lew Lew

First off I really liked it. You probably get the idea by now I'll always have something to add beyond that though. :)

The last five lines are stunning. Never loose that style and the last ryme is . . well, it's poetry.

I notice that the last several stanza's end in the word see. I assume that's intentional and it might be interesting to see if you can do it in the first section as well. It would be a nice connective feature. In my opinion that is.

Very awesome, just the way it is though.

Tue, November 23rd, 2010 7:39pm

Author
Reply

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it and yes I did repeat the sentence on purpose.:)

Wed, November 24th, 2010 1:12am

Phoenix Personiam

Very nice. You can really hear the emotion in your words. Amazing Job!

Thu, November 25th, 2010 12:26pm

Author
Reply

Thanks! That was what I was really trying to get across.

Thu, November 25th, 2010 6:18am

Forever After

That was amazing. Well written, emotional, powerful, everything most people look for in a story. You better not stop writing because you're really good!

Thu, November 25th, 2010 7:18pm

Author
Reply

Thanks! I don't plan on stopping anytime soon. :)

Fri, November 26th, 2010 1:17am

Euphoria

The last sentence is just amazing. "Like a snowflake, I fall free." It just an absolutely fantastic way to end such an awesome story! I love it, and I gave it a like! Keep it up!

Sat, November 27th, 2010 1:12pm

Author
Reply

thanks so much! I'm glad you like it:)

Sat, November 27th, 2010 5:26am

Nikkiandyou

"I paste a fake smile on my face and act. The smile never reaches my eyes, they do not notice, they do not see."
i relate to this line a lot.
holy fucking shit.. i love this. i mean, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, as im sure youve heard before. but wow, you wrote this really nicely. and that the last few paragraphs when you ended it withL they do not notice they do not see. i really felt it.
and at the very very end, i felt like i was this charcater, and i felt cold and helpless and truly just a lie living on earth to meet other peoples stupid needs when they never noticed me or my feelings.. and then right when i read: They do not notice, they do not see.Like a snowflake, I fall free" i imagined my self falling and blending in with the rest of the snow at the bottom and then STILL no one seeing, not one caring..woowww, thank you for writing this. its been one of my favorites on here

Sat, November 27th, 2010 2:57pm

Author
Reply

Thank you for reading! Its what I was trying to get across. I'm glad you liked it.

Sat, November 27th, 2010 7:31am

JMorgan0500

Very deep. Emotional and revealing the belly of a beast that we all feel clawing at our insides from time to time. How odd it is that in the moments of isolation such as you describe, make us, in reality, more like those around us who go through similar circumstances.

We all wear masks, some of us are just better at hiding our true face, some of us don't know how to take it off and show our inner selves without fear. And even still some never take it off. How sad for those people. To know ones true self, is to become stronger and confident when we do let those we care for the most see behind the mask.

In this story I see despair, but I also see hope. Hope that those who read this learn to take off their masks, because the light is so much brighter without it.

Great job!

Sun, November 28th, 2010 12:51pm

Author
Reply

Thanks. I'm glad you liked it. And it is true everyone at some point or another puts on a mask and it make you stronger when you do reveal your true self:)

Sun, November 28th, 2010 6:52am

HideAndSeek

This is awesome, in narrative and in style!
Love it ;D

Wed, December 1st, 2010 4:13pm

Author
Reply

Thank you:)

Wed, December 1st, 2010 9:20am

MiaDenise

Wow. Quite a gripping story.
I wish I knew more about the person though ): It went by a little fast and I didn't really have a chance to grip and relate as i would if there was more detail, but being insides this strangers head was really interesting.

Ah. this issue grips with so many kids its almost not even a funny number. I wish she hadn't jumped, but then again imagine all the kids who did.

Sun, December 12th, 2010 1:56am

Author
Reply

Yeh it was more about what was going onside their head than what they were actually doing=. Thank you for reading:)

Sat, December 11th, 2010 7:15pm

krazeoak

This like the greatest snow story.there is a song that makes perfect connection to this story.(Thir eye blind jumper)

Thu, December 16th, 2010 11:22am

Author
Reply

Thank you! I just listened to the song and it is a great song and to does relate really well!

Thu, December 16th, 2010 3:38am

blueskia

this is really beautiful i can really imagine the pain they are going through your descriptions are brilliant keep it up xx

Fri, December 24th, 2010 4:22pm

Author
Reply

Thank you!

Fri, December 24th, 2010 9:07am

Luv2RideWriteAndLaugh

I loved.... loved this story. I could feel every bit of anger, depression, sadness. Gives me chills :)

Thu, December 30th, 2010 11:14am

Author
Reply

Thank you!

Thu, December 30th, 2010 3:25am

kunoichi thorny21

Loved it! You've captured the esscence of someone who is lost inside themselves, yearning to be free of the confines of what society says is "acceptable". Keep up the good work! If you get a chance, check out my poem Last Thoughts of a Lonely Kid. I think you'll like it very much.

Thu, December 30th, 2010 12:20pm

Author
Reply

Thank you!I will definately check your poem out!

Thu, December 30th, 2010 5:00am

annabethb932

Very powerful!

Fri, December 31st, 2010 10:58am

Author
Reply

Thank you!

Fri, December 31st, 2010 3:19am

Hawke

That was very well written and it truly reflects some of my own feelings. That was excellent work mate. Keep writing, you can accomplish much in this field.

Sun, January 2nd, 2011 7:10pm

Author
Reply

Thank you!

Sun, January 2nd, 2011 11:25am

sunnyheeth

truthfully insightful. realistic and thoughtful. i as others liked your metaphors. you have a talent for putting everyone's thoughts in a matter that others would understand. thanks for asking me to read your work. i wouldn't regret it.

Tue, January 4th, 2011 1:53pm

Author
Reply

Thank you!

Tue, January 4th, 2011 6:27am

misty109

This is amazing i love it! it's so beautiful

Sun, January 9th, 2011 10:21am

Author
Reply

Thank you!

Sun, January 9th, 2011 2:21am

bebeland

Lovely.Thanks for commenting on my work.Really appreciate it.Keep up the good work.

Thu, January 20th, 2011 12:24pm

Author
Reply

Thank you!

Thu, January 20th, 2011 6:58am

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