(Cool air flowing), I was standing in the middle of road. It was raining in the month of December. There was no one on the wet shining road. All houses and shops were closed.
My heart was beating fast and I was trembling badly. Trying hard to hold in tears, which were already mixed with rain drops? I moved my head to the left side of the road. There was a sea and a girl was standing there under the shelter.
6 years ago:-
I was in a private school, a low standard school with a small building. But at that time the staff was the best. The proverb stating that sometimes size doesn’t matter, suits it best. I felt the need for knowledge and it was there. There were seven rooms and a tiny hall including principal’s office. We used to gather in the hall to pray and to sing the national anthem in the morning. My school principal’s house was on the top of the school and the school had only two floors- ground floor and first floor.
I had few classmates about fourteen or fifteen, a mixture of boys and girls. There were three girls and two boys who were very close to me. I love them and always will. Their names were- David, Jackson, Roxy, Keira and Adrian. I was a talented student like my classmates. David and Jackson were my best friends and we enjoyed our childhood with golden moments. Keira was a tomboy. I had never seen her in girl dress. She was the most supported girl and was a very good friend. At least one girl was on my side. I had some good moments with Roxy, some fights and funny moments. I don’t talk with her now, it’s a different story. Adrian, she was the daughter of the principal and my classmate and a good friend. She was simple, naughty and sweet. I never tasted her but yes she was sweet in her behavior.
We enjoyed and ruled three to four years together. There was another girl Roxen. I had fights with her and we always tried to be despicable to each other. In extra classes my one classmate called me in a room and asked me, “Adrian loves you, do you love her?” I was very frightened that time. I never thought why. I angrily replied to her with NO. She said,” Ok if you don’t love her then don’t ever try to love her”.
But when I left that school I thought I love Roxen. The day I realized it was my last day in school, Roxen’s face came in front of me. We were enemies and hated each other but we had a bond like Tom and Jerry. I was very excited to meet her and I thought no seeing her I would not survive.
5 years after that last school day:-
I sent a message on Facebook to Roxy and said that,” hey, I am confused, I don’t know who my real love is. Can you tell Roxen that I love her so much and in all those years I think about her and the memories? Can you tell her? I know it will be a NO from her, because she already has a boyfriend. But I just want to tell her”.
After saying this some days she replied one day,” I talked with her and told her that you love her”.
In my mind and in my heart I knew her answer was NO but it was strange that I wanted to read a NO. I was not expecting but was wishing for a NO.
She typed,” Roxen doesn’t love you and don’t try to talk to her because she has a problem with you”.
It was as expected. I felt very sad at that moment during the night.It was about 2:17 AM. I was very sad for three days and kept listening to sad and motivational songs. I thought I lost the one who does not love me but she lost the one who love her. So according to me I was not in loss. She was only a childhood friend like others, like Keira and Roxy.
But in between all these I was missing something. I am a great fan of Sherlock homes, how did I forget to mention that. I tried to remember things I like about Roxen but got nothing, I was unable to remember moments I shared with her. It was just an attraction.
Every night I thought about stuff I did in school. Every time one face was always there and she was Adrian. I said to Roxy that I was confused about who is my true love because I knew I loved Adrian. The day she touched my hand, Oh god! It still feels the same. When her friend told me that she loves me, that time I crossed my fingers because I didn’t want to tell a lie. I knew I love her but was not sure and was frightened that she knows that I love her. I couldn’t express my feelings to her. What can you expect from a 7th standard boy? I feel ashamed when I thought about the past. I had time, Lots of time to share my feelings with her. I ignored her signals, I failed to read her. When I realized about feelings, I got confused with Roxen and Adrian. I choose to focus on Roxen, it was my mistake. All these years Adrian was on my mind and in my heart, always, but I lost my chance. I tried to meet her but it was a waste. I passed by her house many times in the last four years but I didn’t see her face. I only remember the face I saw in school 6 years ago. The smile she had, the naughtiness and the look she got.
She is the only motivation I have. I didn’t know if she loved me now or not. In six years people change from earth to sky. So it was very difficult to know about her feelings. But I wanted to tell her that I am always here and have loved her since childhood. I don’t know when I fell in love with her. But I know that I am going to try hard for her and she was the girl who gave me such great feelings, who introduced me to the world of love. She was the only girl, the reason I went to school every day. I always tried to impress her. It was my mistake that I did fight with her; I told her” don’t try to talk to me, never ever.” She should slap me when I said these words.
All things were going against me on every turn. I had no motivation and I was just loosing something with every step.
Than one day, I got a call from her father. He offered me a part time job for teaching students in extra classes. I gave him a big ‘Yes’. I was very excited to meet her. I went to school the next day in the evening. School was still the same except some paints and all students. Some students were in the class. Sir told me to teach them. He went outside because he had a work to do.
I was just looking for her. What would I say when we would meet?And the time came, I saw her. She was the same girl I knew, same eyes and same expressions. When she saw me she kept staring at me. We both were amazed. Then she went into another class and started to teach students. My heart was beating fast. I just wanted to talk to her.
I hardly looked at her while I was teaching the students, because I had no courage to do so.
Sir came and said to me,” I am going to go outside for some work; you take care of the class”.
It was a golden moment for me to talk to her. He went outside.
I gave some questions to students to solve. Now I was free for some time. I slightly moved to another class. She was standing there. Oh gosh! I was waiting for six years for this moment.
I asked her,”
She smiled and replied in her sweet voice,” I am alright and it is my bad luck that I still remember you.”
I smiled gently and said,”
Uffffff……………….why are feelings not in control and why does my heart beats so fast.
She became strange and said to me,” look, now I don’t want to talk with you and it was not my choice, but yours. You said to me not to talk with you never again. I am just fulfilling your wish”.
She cut me off,” yes, we were!!!”
She became angry with me,” oh, now it’s my fault that I didn’t slap you, you must feel sorry for what you had done”
“I am already feeling sorry and please talk to me and be my friend again”
She stared at me and said,” friend! Be friends so that you can hurt me again, No never. I am not a puppet who will walk or stop on your signal”.
Tears clouded my eyes. I was thinking about the mistakes I made. I was wishing for one more chance. I just wanted to talk to her.
“I know I made mistakes. You are angry and you should be. I can’t force you to talk to me, but in all these years I just thought about you. I don’t know if I’ll get this time again or not. So I want to tell you something”
She faced other way and said,” I don’t want to listen to anything. Just go and do your work”
“Just give me a chance I’ll not bother you again, just one chance!”
“You know when we were children I always thought about you every night, I did things to impress you, I always did things which could bring a smile to your face. I didn’t realize why I always thought about you every night? Why was playing with you fun? Why was every moment shared with you special? You know, you are my one of my best friends. Nothing else matters to me now. I got distracted from my path because of Roxen I thought I loved her but when I tried to remember the things I love about her, you appeared. You were everywhere. These six or seven years are not my failures; they are my success towards feelings and love. I don’t know if what your friend told me about you was true or not but I gave you only bad times. You know when she said to me that Adrian loves you and do you love her? I just got shocked because I was unable to understand the storms of feeling running through me. I crossed my fingers and said no to her because maybe I just wanted to share my feelings with you. Still I don’t know if that was it true or not. This question always bothers me. You, you are the one who made my school life, who gave me the treasure of love, who gave me the moments to remind, a smile which brings me out of all problems. You are my motivation, and I can go through my life without this motivation but I can’t live without this motivation. I want to end my talk with the same question it began. Adrian, I love you. Do you love me (holding my tears)?
She was crying and I just wanted to see a smile on her face. She kept looking to me. I knew she loved me, I knew. But I wanted to hear it from her.
She was going to say something but suddenly the principal came. She wiped her tears and went into class and I also started to teach students. I was looking at her but she didn’t look at me once.
After some time she went into her house and I went to my home. I was just thinking about her. I went to my room turned on my computer and started to listen to sad Hindi songs. It was second time in this year that I was crying badly for someone.
After some days I got a message from my one friend that she is sitting alone somewhere. He sent me the address. It was winter season and everything was fade and I don’t know where from rain started. I was in hurry and I got nothing to reach there so I decided to run because this time I wanted an answer from her and I did not want to miss her.
You know this journey was so long that I thought I would not make it. But I really I need an answer. I told you everything I feel about you and I know you have same feelings and you are curbing them inside. Let them fly. We are here and there is nothing that can stop me to talk with you. I waited for you for 6 years and can wait my whole life. But now just say something. I believe fact and I can see only that you love me. When I told you about my fake girlfriends you felt jealous and you said to me that love happens with one not with thousands. I was fool who didn’t understand this but you were there every single moment. Now I am just expecting an answer”
“Don’t do this please I can’t wait…please for god’s sake say something”
i was crying badly and i dont know why i was loosing my control.
She looked at me and I was unable to understand her expressions. She was totally diversified.
“I don’t love you and I don’t want to talk with you.Just let me go” she replied me strangly.
these were the last words of her for me..............................................................and i was just shouting loudly
“There must be a reason for it. You can’t just say this. What was that which made me to feel love? Why you said all those filmy lines? What was meant by them? It is in your eyes, it is in your heart than why it is not in your words and on your mouth”
She was going and going far away from me and I was standing under that shelter alone and crying badly. It was something that changed my life. She just made me a tree that cannot have fruits now; I was feeling like a little thorny plant without any roses. That answer did not hurt me but it was her silence that hurt me lot.
It was like same day when I said to her not to talk with me ever. That day she went straightly outside the room after I said this. And now this is the time when she doesn’t want to talk with me and she is going far away from me again
your past takes revenge from you.it was a punishment for me what i did in school.it was just my fault..
BUT I BELIEVE IN MYSELF AND I WANT A ONE MORE CHANCE. NEXT TIME I AM GONNA TRY MUCH HARDER.
WHO KNOWs WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT MOMENT.
I LOVE HER AND SHE CAN’T DENY IT, NO ONE CANT.
Love is sacrifice and I am ready for it.Love ain’t about getting someone but it is about feeling someone.
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