My name is Allison

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Literary Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
A schizophrenic episode.

Submitted: June 05, 2015

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Submitted: June 05, 2015

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My name is Allison. I don’t remember my death. I don’t know when I really died. But I know when death started to take me. I know when it welcomed me into its warm embrace.

I can’t take it anymore. I can’t keep going. What’s the point? I’m on the list to die.

You’re not on the list, you’re already there. No one likes you. You’re ugly and insane. No one really loves you anymore. No one ever did. You know they didn’t.

But I don’t want to die.

But you do.

You do.

You can’t escape it. You’ll never be free. Watch them. They don’t even belong there. It’s something else in their eyes. They’ve come for you. Surrounding you. You’re going to die soon. Let me help you. Let me guide you.

I can’t stop. Why can’t I stop? What’s wrong with me?

Everything is wrong with you.

Nothing is wrong with you. Embrace yourself. Give in.

Let me help you.

I don’t want to die.

Don’t be a bitch. Don’t be their bitch.

Don’t make me die. Please.

 

“When did you start experiencing these symptoms Allison?”

“Where is the chair?”

“What chair?”

“The chair. The one who drove me. He gave me the gift.”

“Who are you talking about Allison? Is it one of the voices?”

“The voices. They flew me here. Can’t you see her? Isn’t her scarf lovely? Why didn’t they feed her? She loves balloons?”

“Allison, are their voices talking to you now?”
“Stop! Just stop! Why doesn’t he see? Why are you trying to kill me?”

“I’m not going to hurt you Allison. I want to help you.”

“Help. Traveling to Aarnet. Death. Dying. IS that water boiling yet? Write your love to me. Write it in the sounds.”

“Allison, why do you pull that sleeve on your shirt? Does it help you feel better?”

“The feelings are stronger, brighter, so loud. When will it come back? Does he mind? Will he test me? I’ve been so bad.”

“Let’s call it a day Allison. Meg will help you back to your room now.”

Here she comes. Look at her. Does she think she’s fooling you? They’re coming. Your soul isn’t safe. I’ll protect you.

I don’t even know you. What’s so wrong with her?

She’s leading you to where you don’t want to go. Like Peter. It’s just like what Jesus said to Peter. Jesus knows you’re going to die. He wants me to take you to him.

I don’t have the energy.

She doesn’t want to go. She wants to stay. The medicine helps her. Let her take the medicine.

She doesn’t want the medicine. You can’t take the medicine. You’ll be hurt. They put things inside you and experiment. They’re torturing you. She’s gone now. Spit it out. Spit it out Allison.

Don’t spit out your medicine. It’s going to cure you. You need it.

I need help.

The medicine helps.

I’ll help you. The blood is your medicine. Doesn’t it feel good? Your blood cleanses you. You’re going to be a ruler now. What are you doing? The scratches need to go up, not across. Stop being a stupid bitch! You’re god doesn’t want stupid bitches to sleep with. Very good. Let the pain bring you closer to your lover.

Stop killing her. She doesn’t want you.

She doesn’t know me.

She doesn’t know him. He can’t really hurt her.

I want love.

Your god will love you. Let him inside you. Bleed your life out to him.

It hurts. I don’t want to die.

You can’t go back.

She won’t come back.

 

I just laid there in my room. A pen cap from Dr. Morgon in my right hand, blood squirting from both wrists, scratches all my wrists. I could feel death coming for my body. He wanted me. They brought him here. They all wanted me dead anyway. I’m so cold. I can’t feel anymore. The footsteps came rushing toward me but all the blood in my body was protecting me from them. God forsook me and he’s forsaken all of them. They grabbed my body but it was no use. The life left me before they bandaged my wrists. I watched the light and red blur into blackness and when I was no more, when all the blood was gone, my heart trying to pump wasn’t there. I finally gave it.

I can’t live anymore.

Don’t worry. We’ll be together forever. Come now. You’re free now. Let me love you, Allison.


© Copyright 2019 Adrian Ray. All rights reserved.

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