I am writing to tell you my side of the story, not that it will ever matter to you.
You have judged me based on your limited understanding of who I am and the situation at hand. You believe your husband was so wrapped up in you and you were headed for that white picket fence with a house in the suburbs. You believe I came in and worked my magic and that I stole him away from you and your kids. You believe I feel no remorse for any of my actions that unintentionally caused you pain. It could have been any woman--whoever he "left" you for would be the object of your hate-filled obsession.
Your husband would not have spoken to me the way he did, or pursued me, or fallen in love with me had he been happy with you. He had been looking for a way out for a long time. Having given up on any sliver of happiness, he stayed with you because it was cheaper and easier than being on his own. You did not go places together or spend time together, he remained constantly occupied outside of your home. He did not want to be with you. If somehow you were happy with having an absent husband and an abundance of loneliness, then I am sorry for you that that was taken away. You believed he was house hunting for you when he was looking at houses with me. You believed he was spending time with his friends when he was spending time with me. You believed he was moving forward towards a future with you when he was moving forward with me and leaving you behind.
As for me feeling no remorse for that? You are mistaken. I walked on eggshells for quite a while, making sure that I would not be the type of woman that came in and pulled a man away from his family. However, when he willingly walked away and told me he did not care what was left in his wake, there was no longer a threat of it being my wrongdoing. He was unhappy, stressed, worn down and mistreated. With me, he was happy, relaxed, lifted up and valued. I did nothing more to "steal him away" than to appreciate him for who he is and support him in his choices, dreams, and goals.
I have thought long and hard about what you are going through--taking care of two kids on your own with only financial support from him. Through the conversations we have had online, where you believed I was someone else, I have had a lot of insight into the situation and how you have felt through it all. You wrote to me about your frustration, your pain, your heartbreak, as well as your hatred of me. I took it all in stride, actually offering you advice through much of our conversations, to the point that you referred to me as a friend. While my background and name were ficticious, the advice and caring that came from my heart were the real me. I have felt many ups and downs as i learned new information about you and what you were feeling. Many times I felt pain when I could relate your experience to my own. Other times I felt small twinges of regret when I wished that things had happened differently and that you had not been collateral damage. And yet, other times, I felt no sympathy towards you at all, at the thought of you telling a stranger things that were not even true.
Throughout your custody and child support battle I was present on his side of things. While I supported him as best as I could from a distance, we went head to head over a lot of issues. Predominantly, I put us in a lot of arguments because I sided with you, or more importantly, on the side of those kids. Your only focus in those meetings was to screw him over and punish me as best as you could. His only focus was to keep himself free of you and to give in to as little of what you wanted as possible. My focus was for the good of the kids, financially, relationally, and physically. I even went as far as to push for him to pay more, see them more, give you a break, make things fair... But I was met with more and more head games from you. The more you pushed against him regarding me, the more I backed off to make it easier, and the more ground you lost. You chose to start a battle with me, instead of ending the battle with him over the good of the kids. Honestly, your focus, especially now, has to be on them. They need their mother to love and support them. That means the money he's giving you needs to go to them. They need to be able to see their father without all of these restrictions you have put on his time with them. You have made it so he barely gets to see them, and then question why you do not get a break or any time to yourself. That was your doing. Even with that situation, none of it made sense to me, I watched you screw yourself out of a life and a break, just because you would rather try to hurt us instead.
Anyway, you have this hateful opinion of me that has surfaced time and time again. I could repeat, or even copy and paste, all of the names and idle threats you have directed at me over the past few months. But none of that matters. You have obsessed for months, trying to get information on him and I, trying to keep tabs on him, and interjecting yourself into his family's affairs. You accused me of hacking into your account to spy on you, but first of all--Im not that talented, and second--Im not that bored. I couldn't care less about your personal affairs. That is, until you willingly began to open up to me. It was effortless. You told me everything there was to know and all I had to do was ask. I have watched the kids grow up through surrogate internet eyes. Yet, even though you told me things that I could have used against you, did I? Did any one of those things ever come back to bite you in the ass? Or were you merely offered a kind heart and a listening ear?
My point with all of this is while I know your deepest thoughts and feelings of me are rooted in pure hatred and resentment, I refuse to be resentful towards you. I found myself in a situation where I did not want to hurt you, but I refused to go out of my way to intentionally do something nice for you. It caused a big rift in my life and forced me to truly look at myself at a deeper level. I don't want that resentment. I don't want to be wishing ill will on you just because you have a negative opinion of me. I am better than that. So while I have taken the time to explain some things to you, the purpose of this letter is to say that I forgive you for the names you've called me, the lies you've spread about me and your ex, the opinions, bad wishes, and hatred you've had against me. I forgive you, not for you, but for me. I will not be weighted down by that. I am also sorry for the pain you experienced and for all this time you thought I was just as vindictive and hate filled as you have been.
© Copyright 2016 Aedyn. All rights reserved.
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