My Thoughts by AH

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
My thoughts, a little insight in to what goes on in the inside.

AH

Submitted: January 10, 2012

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Submitted: January 10, 2012

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It doesn't seem to matter anymore,
Just Shhh, Read, and don't judge me for once...

If you only knew the things going on in my head,
You'll be surprised at how messed up I am,
Even though I'm so 'normal' on the outside,
I still keep having to constantly fight my inner demons every fucking day.

This 'Devil' always crops up, making its way through my soul,
This poison will be the death of me one day,
And no not suicide, I would never self inflict,
I'm way too considerate and mentally strong,
For that to ever be an alternative, for me.

I don't understand many things,
Why I act the way I do,
Why I feel the way I do,
And most importantly - why I think the way I do.

You - or a psychiatrist - will try to pin this on something that happened in my childhood,
Perhaps a lack of love and affection from family?
Perhaps an internally scarring event, which made me lose faith?
Truth is, I don't expect you to understand,
Especially considering I don't even understand myself more often than not.

They say over time, wounds heal?
I just wish this was a visible wound,
So I can see it healing slowly over time,
And perhaps it would make me feel as if there was a light at the end, somewhere...

Jokes, jokes, jokes, jokes.
Seems an appropriate way to disguise my true feelings,
Even if it's sarcasm most of the time,
And even if it isn't appreciated by the recipient, who appears to have no sense of humour.

The scary thing is,
I have a good Job, a family, a girlfriend even!
So imagine, the mental complexity and issues someone who has none of the above, goes through every day?
Makes me think this writing is inappropriate and somewhat redundant!

That's the beauty of writing your thoughts though,
It's your thoughts, you can write anything you wish,
And who knows, maybe me writing this will be some sort of medicine for me in the future,
For the 'minor' issues that are keeping me awake at this time of night.

Some might call this depression,
But I'm sure it's not, which probably leads the reader to assume that I'm in the denial stage,
It's just a 'minor' issue,
Atleast this way I rest a bit easier at night.

Even though it cuts deep, this mental mind fuck,
I'll just keep searching, and remain positive,
But I'm no closer to a solution, than when I first started writing this.
Which makes this writing -poem? - pointless or what?

AH


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