The Night Before

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
I wanted to write this personal short story/blog post because one i really enjoy writing and two i want to share my experiences to hopeful help someone else who may have the same or similar feels... this piece of writing is apart of ungoing blog post on wordpress if you like this and would love to contiune readding them then please check out this link https://aiyanajade.wordpress.com/2016/02/24/the-night-before/

Submitted: February 25, 2016

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Submitted: February 25, 2016

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The night before: 

Twas the night before the big event, Okay well that sounds a bit dramatic doesn’t it. So let’s rephrase that, it was the night before my first attempt of actually committing myself to something. My stomach moaned at me, my heart raced. Fear began to overrun my mind and body, So i decided to take a nice hot shower because let’s be honest you could sort a life out amongst that hot steam and running water. Soon enough my mind filled with thoughts and took the lead once again. “How could i do this? I can’t do this? i’m going to make a fool out of myself. All at once the doubt and anxiety riddled every inch of my body to the point of i had completely talked myself out of attending and began the famous “Aiyana self sabotage attack”

What is the Aiyana self sabotage attack, you may be asking yourself? let me begin at saying it was one of my most known and famous act’s i would commit. I would fear talk and psych myself out as to more preferably psych talk myself up. I would place the blame on artificial and irrelevant things that were not real issues. For example I don’t want to waste my gas .. i don’t have the right cloths… or my eyebrows ain’t on point (smile wink) i had become so immune to quitting before i gave anything a chance that i didn’t even know what following and through meant anymore.

Some wise woman once told me that you don’t alway have to be a victim of your emotions, you can feel them of course but you don’t always have to let them get the better of you.

Why am i doing this to myself? if i cannot simply follow through with a course that’s only four days a week how could i handle a job? how could i follow through with any of my passions? right then and there, the thought of sitting at home all day and not being able to do something i loved was way too strong and my feelings of fear slowly rippled away. I went with it and continued to encouraged myself, I turned the shower off got out, wrapped the towel around myself and wiped the mirror down with another towel, as i wiped away the residue i came face to face with a person that i was slowly beginning to recognise.

“Aiyana don’t let the power of fear dictate our future” i said to myself passionately.

After that, I decided to walk over to my bed where I lay to the sound of crickets and my fan spinning aggressively in circles, making a ruckus. It was far from complete silence but it had a certain serenity to it.

I began to visualize and meditate, a first. I tried to imagine and surround myself with positive energy and encouragement. Still i could feel the fear was seeping through any crack it could find in my self belief. It all came down to tomorrow and how well i convinced myself to push the fare aside and believe in myself.

To be continued………..

 

If you liked this and would like to follow me on a rollercoaster journey check out my wordpress link will be below :) https://aiyanajade.wordpress.com/2016/02/24/the-night-before/

 

Hugs and kisses always,

AiyanaJade 

 


© Copyright 2020 Aiyana Jade. All rights reserved.

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