The Rising Darkness

Poem by: ajd7dc

Reads: 664 | Likes: 0 | Shelves: 0 | Comments: 20

A poem describing how when darkness is near my girlfriend it will go away when im there.

Close your eyes, hold my hand,

Count to three and the darkness will fade.

With you in my arms you will always be protected,

With you in my grasp you will always be saved.

You have no need to show any sign of fear,

No need to shed any more tears.

Keep my arms amongst your reach,

Watch the darkness fall to my feet.

If ever I’m not there,

And the darkness is in your reach.

Close your eyes, think of me,

Count to three and the darkness will fade.

Submitted: July 17, 2010

Other love evil darkness trust scared

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Comments

PenguinFP123

Sat, July 17th, 2010 6:38am

Author
Reply

Thanks....i think.

Tue, July 20th, 2010 7:22pm

ajd7dc

Thanks!

Sat, July 17th, 2010 6:39am

Socheata1234

So romantic! You know what ajd7dc, I think that my friend Lina would love this poem so much.

Sat, July 17th, 2010 7:52am

Author
Reply

Thanks! I appreiciate it! :)

Tue, July 20th, 2010 7:17pm

ajd7dc

Thanks! Its the first poem I have written in a long time.

Sat, July 17th, 2010 7:57am

pinkprincess

such a sweet peice of writing!!

Sun, July 18th, 2010 12:05am

Author
Reply

Thanks! :) Im happy you like it!

Tue, July 20th, 2010 7:26pm

anecentric

Very good. Short and compact poem. I am sure you wrote it for some one you love.

Sun, July 18th, 2010 5:39am

Author
Reply

Thanks! And yes, i did. Your continuos support would be appreciated! :)

Tue, July 20th, 2010 7:31pm

Markenzi Destin

bro everyday you seem to amaze me with your great poems it is truely an honor to call you my brother this poem is great keep on writing fantastic poems and never stop being yourself =)

Sun, July 18th, 2010 7:21pm

Author
Reply

Thanks bro! Your words mean a lot to me, and you know i will never stop being my self :)

Tue, July 20th, 2010 7:40pm

DLCannon Reprise

Woah, that was cool dude. I like how it's breef and to the point, making it less confusing to read. good one.

Wed, July 21st, 2010 3:22am

Author
Reply

Thanks man! yeam i dont like writing long poems lol

Wed, July 21st, 2010 8:52am

Monica1993

i love that...it something a girl wuld always want her boyfriend to do..i loved it, it was touching.
(:

Wed, July 21st, 2010 10:10am

Author
Reply

Thanks! I wrote it just for my girlfriend!:)

Wed, July 21st, 2010 8:57am

dheeelicious

Aweeee ! This is the sweetest poem I have ever read !

Thu, July 22nd, 2010 10:40am

Author
Reply

Thanks!! Your kinda words are highly appreciated!

Thu, July 22nd, 2010 3:58am

sabrinanelson96

very nice romantic piece of work... I enjoyed it!!! Very much!!!

Thu, July 22nd, 2010 10:41am

Author
Reply

Thank you! Very much! I appreciate it! :)

Thu, July 22nd, 2010 4:00am

CastedWing

I applaud your brave heart in showing us a love and desire to protect a another. I do feel some emotion was lost as it was presented as a sort of formula ex: "close ur eyes, hold my hand, count to three.."
I also think this could be stronger if you dont just tell the reader what he/she will recieve in following the orders, but why....maybe also reveal who the speaker is bit more. These are all just suggestions.

Fri, July 23rd, 2010 2:32pm

Author
Reply

Thanks! And thanks for your suggestions, they are great ideas and i plan on using them in future writing, i appreciate it! :)

Fri, July 23rd, 2010 12:21pm

TIMBO

this is beautiful, the sort of poem I like to write.
you are a young romantic and I'm an old one!
tim.

Sat, July 24th, 2010 7:48am

Author
Reply

Thanks again Tim, i appreciate your support and nice comments. I will be sure to check out your poems. :)

Sat, July 24th, 2010 4:12am

Cleveland

I've read through your poem a couple of times and couldn't help but wonder. I looked more closely at the words that rhymed, looked at the rhyming pattern. I wondered . If eyes are shut then darkness invades; it is what is seen.If they eyes are still shut and darkness has gone what replaces it. Strange. If eyes are shut and darkness disappears then has the person opened their eyes. It might seem so.
To create the sentiments you intend to convey I feel means being more direct. Maybe , with all due respect to our writing:
Beloved: no darkness. Never fear.
Our bodies entwined.Love I'm near.

Something like that changes the 'mood' of the poem but still keeps it relevant to the intention of the writer, and meaningful to the reader.
Poetry is never easy , and I'm glad to see you like the work of Maya Angelou. Strong emotion is what drives poetry and a way to strike that special chord within our inner self.
Bes wishes
and keep writing.

Mon, July 26th, 2010 4:58am

Author
Reply

Thanks, i appreciate your tips. I will keep them in minds next time i write.

Mon, July 26th, 2010 4:05am

passionate dreamer

ur poem is soo sweet and sincere i love it i really really love it !!

Mon, July 26th, 2010 11:27am

Author
Reply

Aww, Thanks!! :) I really appreciate it! :)

Mon, July 26th, 2010 2:22pm

passionate dreamer

plzz check my poeams 2 ;)

Tue, July 27th, 2010 7:40am

Author
Reply

ok, will do :)

Tue, July 27th, 2010 2:01pm

aprilbunny3

i LOVE it babe

Thu, July 29th, 2010 12:16am

Author
Reply

Awww im Soo Happy you loved it :))) I love you too! :)

Wed, July 28th, 2010 5:30pm

Capman

I see two types of darkness here, a literal blackness and a figurative darkening of situation and thoughts. Quite a clever nice poem.

Thu, July 29th, 2010 5:00am

Author
Reply

Thanks man, i appreciate it!

Thu, July 29th, 2010 4:36am

V Booker

It was a very caring and protective kinda love poem and I liked it very much. Keep writing!

Thu, August 19th, 2010 1:28pm

BellieBean

I really like the flow of this! Usually poems on here are quite jerky and awkward (No offense to anyone who has jerky or awkward poems...@_@) It's very sweet and touching. Bravo to you, good sir!

Sat, September 3rd, 2011 9:43am