Going Nowhere

Reads: 446  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 1

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

More Details
Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
On the day of his wedding, Steve along with his best friend Remy get trapped in an elevator.While Steve tries his best to escape, Remy is quite happy to relax and talk about their friendship as the time ticks away and the impending wedding draws ever closer.

Submitted: April 09, 2014

A A A | A A A

Submitted: April 09, 2014

A A A

A A A


Going Nowhere

A camera comes over London City. The Heavy’s ‘How you like me now?’ is playing as the credits come in. A sweep of the wedding dining tables being prepared is shown along with the food being placed in the kitchen. Steve and Remy are running along their apartment corridor in sheer panic. Remy falls over and Steve helps him up before they continue to run again. Becky is shown getting in her wedding dress with her mum and sister helping her. Steve and Remy run towards the lift and frantically push the button until it finally arrives and they get in. As the song comes to a close, a final sweep of the wedding preparation is shown. The song immediately cuts out and shows Steve and Remy in the broken down lift.

Steve and Remy are standing in the broken down lift. The camera looks down on them as if from the top corner of the ceiling. Steve is wearing his best suit and frantically pacing the floor while Remy is sitting down in casual clothes.

Steve:

 This is fucking perfect!

Remy:

 It’s a bit of a tight spot I’ll give you that.

Steve:

 I mean how is this even possible? In what realm is this situation necessary for my predicament?

Remy:

 Yeah, we should have listened to that man about the positives of taking stairs.

Steve:

 Right well its quarter to one now, that means she’ll be arriving at the church in an hour or so, so I have literally 40 minutes to get out of this lift if I have any hope of making it on time!

Remy:

 This is great! Us guys hanging out like a pair of inmates in prison. Would u rather be Tim Robbins or Morgan Freeman?

Steve:

That’s not important right now! I need to get out of here, just shut up n think of solutions.

Camera whisks to a mid-shot of them both. Steve pulls out his phone

Steve:

 Have you got any reception?

Remy pulls out his phone

Remy:

 Nope, not a bar in sight.

Steve:

 Well keep looking every minute or so, we have to get through to someone. Actually try the emergency button on the panel.

Camera follows Remy to the button Panel as he presses the emergency button but nothing seems to work

Remy:

 There’s a good chance this thing might be broken.

Steve:

 What the hell? It’s an emergency button and we’re in an emergency! The whole point of an emergency button is so you can press it when you’re in an emergency! That’s why it’s called an emergency button!!

Remy:

 Look calm down, I’m sure someone will realise the lift is broken and call the engineer. We’ll be out in no time.

Moment of silence

Steve:

 Where’s your suit, at the church?

Remy:

 What suit?

Steve:

 What do you mean ‘What suit?’ You’re not wearing a suit to my wedding day!?

Remy:

Umm . . . No?

Steve:

 No?! But it’s tradition to wear a suit! You turn up like that and people will think my best man’s the bloody window cleaner!

Remy:

 Its fine don’t worry, I can say I’m making a statement.

Steve:

 What . . . that you’re a nob?

Remy:

 No! I’ll say I’m going against the modern conforming society of traditional wedding dress.

Steve:

 You have neither the charisma nor the intelligence to pass off a stunt like that.

Remy:

 It’ll be fine, now come sit down.

Steve paces for a couple more seconds until finally sitting down next to Remy. The camera follows them.

Remy:

 Let’s play a game?

Steve:

 Play a game? Why? Have you got mousetrap in your pocket or something?

Remy:

 A different game!

Steve:

 Ok . . . what about water polo?

Remy:

 Look, take this seriously we have been given such an opportunity here, let’s not waste it.

Steve:

 What opportunity?

Remy:

 We can finally have one of those deep philosophical chats that we’ve always wanted but never had the time for.

Long Pause

Steve:

 Deep philosophical chats?

Remy:

 Yeah! I can tell you about the time I wound up buying that beaver and you can tell me about your on-going obsession with keeping the house so cold.

Steve:

 Yes . . . very philosophical! And it’s not an obsession; we’re in perilous times right now! If the gas company think their getting extra just because it’s mid- winter they can fuck right off!!

Remy:

 You see? Now we’re getting somewhere! Ok let’s try another one.  . . . Would you rather steal a handbag or . . . kick a dog?

Steve:

How is that even relevant to anything?

Remy:

 It has everything to do with anything!

Steve:

 No No I’ve had enough of this, just help me think of a way out! My fiancée is going to be at the alter in 57 minutes and if I’m not there I’ll have to change my name and leave town forever from sheer embarrassment!

Remy:

 Interesting! What would you change it to?

Steve:

 What?

Remy:

 What would you change your name to?

Steve:

 . . . Who cares?!!!

Remy:

 I’d go for either Bruce Wayne or Barry Manillow, maybe even just one word like Sting or Pinocchio.

Steve gets up immediately and rushes over to the door. The camera shoots between Steve and Remy as each one of them talks.

Steve:

(Shouting) Help!! Help!!

Remy:

 What are you doing?

Steve:

I’m trying to get a signal out, send out an SOS, let people know we’re trapped!

Remy:

 Yeah well do you mind doing it quietly, you’re making a scene.

Steve:

That’s the whole point!

Remy:

 Oh typical Steve, all attention must be on me because it’s my wedding day. You may be marrying Becky but our neighbours are here for life! Piss them off too often and we’ve lost them for good!

Long Pause Steve looks in disbelief at Remy

Steve:

 (Even louder) Help!!!!!

Remy:

 Will you shut up! You’re embarrassing yourself! There must be another way.

Camera pans out to the whole room. Both Look Around

Steve:

 You’re right! There’s a maintenance hatch on the ceiling, maybe I could bash it open and climb up the cables, get to the next level?

Close up on Remy

Remy:

 (Very Slowly) Bash it open and climb up the cables? You’re not Bruce Willis Steve!

Steve:

 I haven’t got a choice, time is ticking away, now help me get up there.

Remy:

 Fine!

Camera pans out. Remy gets up and gives Steve a boost

Remy:

 How would Becky feel if she knew how close I was to your crotch?

Steve:

 Shut up Remy, I’ve nearly got the handle.

Close up on the handle. Steve grabs the handle and snaps it off making both of them fall over. Camera zooms out to show them collapsed on the floor.

Remy:

Well that worked.

Steve:

 This is perfect! I’m going to spend my wedding day in a broken down lift! Becky’s going to leave me and run off to Hawaii with the vicar while I’m stuck here with you debating the comedic heights of Ben Stiller!

Remy:

 I still think Zoolander was his best film.

Steve:

My parents are going to think I’ve gone against the system. Maybe they think I don’t love them anymore . . .  but I do love them!

Remy:

 Yeah  . . . I love your mum too.

Steve:

 Shut up Remy, now is not the time!

Remy:

 Look you’re going to have a fit if you don’t calm down. Come take a load off.

Both sit down on the floor and remain silent for a few seconds. Camera shows them in a mid-shot.

Remy:

 Steve?

Steve:

What?

Remy:

 I don’t mean to add to your problems . . .  but I really need to pee!

Steve:

 How is that my problem? You’ll just have to hold it in, we’ll be out soon.

Remy:

 But . . . my bladder!

Steve:

 Look there’s not a lot we can do about it. Can we please move on from this topic?

Remy:

 Ok, I think I can hold it in.

Scene 2

Becky is getting ready in her house with her sister Anne and mother Leanne tending to her hair and make-up, her dress is on and she’s sitting down looking in the mirror with the other two behind her. The camera shows them all in the shot and we see Becky’s face in the mirror with the other two behind her.

Becky:

 Is this blusher too much?

Anne:

 Don’t be silly! You look absolutely divine.

Becky:

 I just don’t want to come across as some china doll for the ceremony.

Anne:

 You’re right we better lay off the blush and switch to lipstick.

Becky:

Well don’t put too much on it’ll take the attention off the eyes.

Leanne:

 My darling, I don’t know why you’re worrying so much; you’re going to be everyone’s angel this afternoon.

Becky:

Actually we better do the finishing touches now, while we’ve got the time. I’m adamant Steve will turn up earlier than the morning sun.

Anne:

 Aww I think it’s sweet!

Becky:

 I suppose it is sweet, at least he’s reliable.

 

Scene 3

Steve and Remy are still stuck in the lift. Both are sitting down on the floor. The camera mid-shot is constant.

Remy:

 So . . . what’s your answer?

Steve:

 Answer to what?

Remy:

 Steal a handbag or kick a dog?

Steve:

 Oh I don’t know; I mean although it’s morally wrong, you could get away with giving a quick kick with no one seeing. If you wanted to steal a handbag it’ll be difficult to not attract some unwanted attention.

Remy:

 You’d kick a dog?!

Steve:

 I’d rather kick a dog than go to prison.

Remy:

 You see I’d rather steal the handbag. The possibilities are endless for what you could find. There might even be a cigarette packet with some fags in. Now, sleeping arrangements!

Steve:

 Sleeping arrangements?

Remy:

 Yeah! Now I think it’s important for us to remain warm, so we should huddle together in a closing position to keep in all body heat.

Steve:

 You mean spoon each other? We sit down tonight and spoon each other?

Remy:

 Look call it what you will but this is means for survival.

Steve:

 What survival? I’m not spending the night in here!

Remy:

 You don’t know how long we could be trapped though.

Steve:

We’ve been trapped for almost ten minutes and you’re worried about dying from intense physical conditions? You really are a fuck-wit!

Remy:

 Look calm down, you’re gunna wet yourself! Take a deep breath.

Close ups on both simultaneously as they begin to speak .Steve takes a long deep breath

Remy:

 You ok?

Steve:

 I think so.

Remy:

 Ok . . . Now . . . I’m going to suggest something which might make you a bit angry.

Steve:

 I suppose the day can’t get any worse . . . go ahead!

Remy:

 My bladder is on the brink of exploding into oblivion and . . .

Steve:

 You are not pissing in this lift Remy!

Remy:

 Yes I bloody am.

Camera pans out to the whole room. Remy gets up and starts to undo his fly buttons

Steve:

 No Remy, you are not doing that in here!

Steve gets up and starts to wrestle with Remy, trying to get his fly back up.

Remy:

 Will you behave yourself, what’s a bit of piss anyway?

Steve:

 If being stuck in a 10 by 10 box with you isn’t enough, they’ll be a steaming pile of festering urine in the corner!

Remy shakes off Steve

Remy:

So what do you propose I do? I am not going to wait until my cock is torn at the seam!

Steve:

 Well . . . have you got an empty bottle or a jar on you?

Long Pause. Remy looks in amazement at Steve. The camera has a close up on his face.

Remy:

 Yes Steve, because I always carry empty jars around with me.

Camera zooms out to both of them

Steve:

 Sorry! I’m just trying to think of solutions!

Remy:

 The solution is right in here!

Steve ponders for a while

Steve:

 How much is there?

Remy:

I’m not going to lie.

Steve:

 Well . . . give me an example.

Remy:

 You know when you open a washing machine half way through a cycle?

Steve:

 Ok I get it.

Remy:

 Well . . . ?

Steve ponders some more.

Steve:

Oh for Christ sake, do it quickly!

Remy:

 Oh my god mate, thank you so much.

Remy scurries off to the opposite corner and begins to urinate. The camera follows him.

Remy:

 Oh my God! You have no idea how good this feels.

The camera swaps between showing Remy and showing Steve as each begin to speak

Steve:

 Yeah, well get on with it will you.

Remy:

 I’m being serious! I thought the wedding cake would be my highlight of the day but this has just taken pole position.

Steve:

 Would you mind stopping the running commentary?

Remy:

 Fine.

Remy continues to urinate and shows no sign of stopping.

Steve:

 What are you, a camel?

Remy:

 I’m nearly done.

The camera shows the puddle edging closer to Steve.

Steve:

 No no Remy, you need to stop now!

Remy:

I can’t, the stream is strong.

Steve:

 Tough! You need to stop right now!

Remy:

 I don’t want a hernia! A few more seconds I promise.

Remy continues for a short period and finally finishes. Does up his fly and walks back towards Steve, stepping through the big puddle with a huge smile on his face. The camera shows a below shot looking up at Remy as he walks back to Steve.

Remy:

 Much better!

Steve:

 Much better? If you haven’t already clocked on Remington, we’ve now got a stinking pile of urine taking up almost all of the floor space.

Close up on Remy as he looks at the puddle

Remy:

 Well at least I didn’t need a poo!

 

Scene 4

An elderly lady calls the lift from the bottom floor but realises it’s out of order. She looks at the information leaflet on the wall and looks for a maintenance number.

 

Scene 5

1996. Steve and Remy are fourteen years old and behind the sheds at school. Remy is holding a cigarette .Steve is wearing his uniform smartly whereas Remy wears his tie short and has his shirt un-tucked. The camera shows them both in a mid-shot.

Steve:

 I don’t want to do this.

Remy:

 It’ll be fine; apparently it gives you a well good buzz.

Steve:

 But what about cancer, heart disease and all that stuff they teach us?

Remy:

 Oh come on, it’s only one cigarette. We’re not going to take a quiet dip in a vat of tar here Steve. Anyway what they teach us is all bollocks anyway, when was the last time you heard of someone dying from cigarettes?

Close up on Steve as he looks in bewilderment at Remy

Steve:

 That has to be the stupidest thing you have ever said!

Remy:

 Oh quit stalling, let’s preen this nicotine!

Steve ponders

Steve:

 Well you do it first then.

Remy:

 Ok, Simon said to take it in, inhale and then blow it out again. Easy peasy!

Close up on Remy as he lights the cigarette and takes a drag. He coughs and splutters uncontrollably.

Remy:

 That was not easy peasy! Your turn.

Camera swaps to Steve as Remy shoves the cigarette in Steve’s face.

Steve:

 After that display I don’t think I want too.

Remy:

 Oh come on, we’re on the rebellion!

Steve:

 We’re not really on a rebellion but if it’ll make you happy.

Close up on Steve as he takes the cigarette and has a very long drag. The camera swaps between Steve and Remy as each begin to talk.

Remy:

 Well . . .

Steve looks fazed

Remy:

 Steve? Are you ok?

Remy puts his hand on Steve. The camera is placed behind Steve looking at Remy. Steve then vomits right on Remy’s shoulder.

Steve:

 I am so sorry; I think I took a bit too much.

Remy:

You think?! This is my only blazer cock munch!

Steve:

 Well I’ll dry clean it, I promise.

Remy:

 I was stupid to think you could handle this, I knew I should have asked Bethan!

Mid- shot. Remy takes his blazer off and gives it to Steve

Steve:

 Well sorry I’m not Bob Marley but I’ve never done this before, and anyway Bethan is in year 7, are you really that much of a determined pervert to get a 12 year old behind the bike sheds?

Remy:

 Maybe you’re right; that cigarette tasted like ass anyway.

Remy throws the still lit cigarette into the grass area right next to the bike shed. The camera holds a shot of the cigarette nestled in the grass for a few seconds as smoke emits from it.

Scene 6

Steve and Remy are in the lift sitting down. The camera holds a mid-shot on them.

Remy:

 You know what I watched last night?

Steve:

 Your life slipping away?

Remy:

 The first Harry Potter film.

Steve:

 Oh yeah, and . . .?

Remy:

 He’s a bit of a nob isn’t he?

Steve:

 You mean the fictional character, Harry Potter?

Remy:

 Yeah! Defeats the dark lord despite the fact he’s a baby, comes to Hogwarts when he’s twelve, everyone bloody loves him and he somehow manages to get so many opportunities for glory despite the fact he’s in year 7.

Steve:

 So?

Remy:

 So? Can you imagine if Harry Potter came to our school? A year 7 who gets picked for the starting rugby team, gets a free uniform from a bloody teacher, is deemed the best student in school despite doing fuck all and somehow manages to save the school single handedly without being psychically fit in any way possible.

Steve:

 Your point being?

Remy:

 He would get battered!! The sixth formers would destroy him day in and day out. There would be a Potter hunt every morning!

Steve:

 A Potter hunt?

Remy:

 Yeah! They would stuff him in lockers, throw him in the girl’s shower room, make him eat glue, that sort of thing until he packed his stupid ego away and got on with it like everyone else and who the hell gets house points for playing chess?

Long Pause

Steve:

What?

Remy:

 At the end of the film, Ron Weasely gets 50 house points for being good at chess. When the hell would that ever happen?!! I was the best at Guess Who at school; I never saw them roll out a congratulatory plaque and a bottle of port!

Steve:

Ok I think this claustrophobia is getting to your head.

Remy:

 I mean is it me or are the wizarding schools so starved of categories for house points that they have to award them for any random board game they can think of?

Steve:

 I think you’re looking way too deep into this Remy; can we talk about something else?

Remy:

 Ok

Steve and Remy think for a brief period

Remy:

 Twilight!!

Steve:

 Oh for fuck sake!

Remy:

 Now . . . Twilight is another example of film makers being thick as shit!

Steve:

And why is that exactly?

Remy:

 In the fourth film, in the first scene, Jacob comes out of his house with a letter in the pouring rain, reads it and turns into werewolf just after taking his shirt off. I walked out in disgust!!

Steve:

 Why, what’s wrong with that scene?

Remy:

 What’s wrong with that scene? What’s fucking right with it more like? First off, who the hell reads a letter in the pouring rain?

Steve:

 Someone who doesn’t want to read it inside?

Remy:

 Oh do me a favour! The ink will run like crazy! Second, why did he bother taking his shirt off before he turned into a werewolf?

Steve:

 I guess he didn’t want to rip it?

Remy:

 That’s exactly what I thought but then it came to me, why would he take his shirt off and not his trousers, surely they would rip too?

Steve:

 Maybe he just didn’t care about the trousers as much?

Remy:

 Oh come on, trousers are way more important than shirts! I’ve only got two pairs myself.

Steve:

 Look, are you going anywhere with this?

Remy:

 All I’m saying is, if he was willing to take off his shirt why didn’t he bother with the trousers as well? That whole scene is nothing more than an excuse for girls to see him topless, there’s no logic behind it at all! I would accept it if he went for the full package but just to go for the shirt is highly unreliable, the whole thing is based around vanity and it’s sickening!

Long Pause

Steve:

 So . . . you wanted to see Jacob’s cock?

Remy:

 Shut up, you know what I’m talking about, which brings me onto my main criticism.

Steve:

 Which is?

Remy:

 How is that guy still in movies!?

Steve:

 Look do you mind if we stay clear of any random film sagas within the past 10 years? I am literally losing the will to live.

The camera switches to Remy’s as his phone starts to vibrate. He takes out his phone and starts to text somebody. Steve looks over and sees that Remy’s phone has got a signal. The camera returns to the mid-shot.

Steve:

 Since when has your phone been able to get a signal?

Remy:

 I don’t know maybe ten minutes or so?

Steve:

 Ten minutes?! Why the hell didn’t you tell me sooner!?

Remy:

 We were having a nice chat.

Steve:

 They’ll be plenty of time for that later, I need to get through to Becky, give me the phone!

Steve thrusts his arm to try and take the phone but Remy holds it further away so he can’t reach.

Remy:

 And when exactly are we going to have time for these chats?

Steve continues to fight for the phone

Steve:

 Remy, I swear to God I will punch you in the spleen! Give me the phone!

Remy shakes off Steve

Remy:

 No!

Steve:

 Give me the phone!!

Remy:

Just behave yourself for a second.

Close up on Steve as he takes a few long deep breaths

Steve:

 Why are you doing this to me? I need to talk to her!

Camera switches to Remy as he sighs and begins to look worried

Remy:

 Before you phone her, I need to ask you something.

Steve:

 Well what is it? Come on Remy, time is running out!

Very Long Pause. Remy takes a deep breath and faces Steve.

Remy:

 Do you believe in God?

Close up on Steve as he comes eye to eye with Remy with a look of shock and horror

Steve:

 Are you being serious? Are we really going to have this conversation?

Camera zooms out to the two of them

Remy:

 Hear me out ok! Don’t you think it’s a bit strange that the one time we get trapped in a lift is the morning of your wedding day?

Steve: What are you getting at?

Remy:

 Well . . . how would you describe our predicament?

Steve:

 Well  . . . it’s just bad luck isn’t it?

Remy:

Maybe. Or maybe this is something else, something beyond luck. Maybe . . . this is God trying to tell you something!

Steve:

 And what exactly is he trying to tell me?

Long Pause. Close up on Remy.

Remy:

 That maybe you shouldn’t marry Becky.

Steve lightly smiles and turns to face Remy. The camera switches between Steve and Remy as each begin to talk.

Steve:

 Remy?

Remy:

 Yes?

Steve:

 I don’t mean to be rude . . . . but you’re a FUCKING ARSE-HOLE! How dare you suggest that on my wedding day!

Remy:

 Oh give over you eccentric toff! Ever since you met her you haven’t been yourself! It’s like you’ve forgotten who you are, not to mention that you haven’t bothered with me either.

Steve:

 Oh really?

Remy:

 Yes! This is the first time we’ve actually hung out in ages! Are you bored of me or are you so whipped that she’s actually got your bollocks in her coat pocket?

Steve:

 You exaggerate so much! I’m not going to feel bad just because you haven’t got anyone to talk idiotic crap with anymore.

Remy:

 No, instead you get to talk about what Becky wants and how she wants it.

Steve:

News flash genius, that’s what a husband does!

Remy:

 So she does whip you?

Steve:

 Look, Piss off Remy!!

Remy:

 Oh right and where exactly do you want me to piss off too; the left corner or the right? We’re in a lift Steve; you can’t avoid this conversation any more than you already have!

The camera shows one last shot of Steve looking angry.

Scene 9

Steve’s parents, Beth and Sam Kennington are at the church standing near the alter. Guests are beginning to take their seats while organ music plays in the background. The camera shows them both talking.

Sam:

 Where the hell is he? He should be up on the alter by now.

Beth:

 Perhaps he’s just stuck in traffic?

Sam:

 Well he better get here quick, Becky walks down the aisle in ten minutes!

Sam paces the floor for a couple of seconds

Sam:

 I’ll tell you whose fault this is.

Beth:

 Oh don’t start Sam.

Sam:

 That Remy! Always holding him back, slowing him up and getting him into trouble. What sort of a friend does that Beth?

Beth:

 Well they’ve been friends for a long time.

Sam:

 And have been going nowhere for a long time.

Beth:

Steve’s moving on today Sam; he told me the other day he’s going to distance himself a bit more and concentrate on his wife and family.

Sam:

 He better! The lad’s nearly thirty and that fuckwit just slows him down.

Scene 10

Steve is sitting on the floor with his head turned away from Remy. Remy is standing up leaning against the opposite wall. The camera shows them both in the shot yet Remy is much further away from Steve.

Remy:

 Look, I’m sorry mate but this is your life we’re talking about. I just don’t want you to make the wrong decision.

Close up on Steve as he turns his head and faces Remy looking angry.

Steve:

 What has this got to do with you anyway?

Camera pans out to them both

Remy:

 I’m looking out for you.

Steve:

You don’t know anything Remy, you really don’t.

Remy:

 Umm, I know more about you than most people do and I know Becky isn’t right for you!

Steve:

 And why is that?

Remy:

 Oh come on Steve! That woman has come straight from the anal patrol. She constantly makes you do things that you obviously don’t want to do.

Steve:

Like what?

Remy:

 Like making you buy a wedding ring you obviously can’t afford, like making you sell all the stuff that you clearly still care about and making you apply for stupid jobs which before you wouldn’t have touched with a barge pole!

Steve:

 I make my own decisions Remy; it’s nothing to do with her.

Remy:

 Like hell do you! I’ve seen you come back from spending time with her, you’re so miserable. I bet you cry in your room when no one’s around!

Steve:

 Yeah I’m miserable, that’s why I’m marrying her!

Remy:

 You’re only marrying her because that’s what you think is expected of you! Why don’t you grow up and think for yourself for once!

Steve:

 Why don’t you back off! If this stuff is so important to you, then why the hell did you wait until now to tell me!!

Remy:

I never had the chance. I don’t see you anymore Steve!

Steve:

 Why did you even bother then! It’s too late for it now.

Long pause. Close up on Remy.

Remy:

 I’m your best mate. I don’t want to see you get hurt!

Long Pause. Camera pans out.

Steve:

 My best mate?

Remy:

 Yeah!

Camera shows them both in a mid-shot. Steve gets up and slowly starts to walk towards Remy

Steve:

My best mate would not keep me from ringing my soon to be wife as I’m running extremely late. My best mate would not forget to wear a suit on my wedding day. My best mate would not wait until now to tell me his true feelings about my fiancée and my best mate would not be the reason why we’re trapped in this FUCKING LIFT!!

Remy:

 How am I the reason?

Steve:

 You really want me to explain?

Remy:

 If I’m apparently the reason for a broken down lift then yes I want you to explain.

Steve comes closer to Remy

Steve:

 Look at us Remy! We’re twenty-eight, and what have we got to show for it? A slacker’s apartment, a job seekers allowance and a high score on Halo 3!

Remy:

So . . .?

Steve:

 We’re going nowhere! All you’ve ever done is hold me back. I could have been anything I wanted to be but you just had to keep hanging around, getting me in so much shit and never once thinking that maybe I didn’t want to live my life this way!

Steve pauses to breathe and comes very close to Remy’s face. Close up on Remy beginning to look sad before returning to the mid-shot.

Steve:

 What good have you ever done me huh? Never once have you supported anything that I’ve done, you’ve only ruined them. That’s all your good for, fucking things up and making me look stupid! You wonder why I haven’t bothered spending time with you while I’m with Becky. It’s because I’m worried you’ll fuck that up for me just like you have done with everything else!!

Steve turns his back on Remy and goes to sit back down again. Camera switches to Remy, he has sadness in his voice.

Remy:

 But . . . we’ve been friends since school?

Camera switches to Steve

Steve:

 I didn’t like you at school Remy. I only hung around with you because my mum made me. If it wasn’t for that stupid day by the bike sheds, I would have been rid of you and I wouldn’t have wasted 14 years of my life. If I was shot of you, I wouldn’t even be trapped in this fucking lift! . . . That’s why you’re the reason!!

Steve buries his head in his arms.  Camera switches to Remy as he begins to cry softly, trying hard not to make it obvious. They remain silent for a few seconds.

Remy:

 If I’d have known that this is how you felt about our friendship . . . I wouldn’t have bothered with you either.

Remy pauses to wipe his tears.

Remy:

 You know, just because I’m not as clever or as determined as some people; it doesn’t make me a bad person. I . . . respect you so much Steve! You’ve been my only true friend in my entire life. I never meant for that bike shed to go on fire and I never meant for us to go to young offender’s school but if we didn’t then we wouldn’t have been able to spend any more time together!

Camera switches to Steve

Steve:

 That place was a hell hole Remy; it haunts me to this day.

Camera pans back to Remy

Remy:

 A hell hole? That’s news to me! I loved every minute we spent in that place. I got to hang out with my best friend every day and they even offered us a chance to move in together. If it wasn’t for that place Steve, we wouldn’t even be friends!!

Camera shows Steve looking up before switching back to Remy.

Remy:

 You think that we have wasted our time together? I look back on it as probably the best time of my life. The sheer thought of not having that anymore, makes me want to breakdown. I mean, look at me Steve. Who the hell is gunna want to spend time with me after your gone? Hell . . . even I don’t like me on occasions. You were the only one who got through to me and you’ve no idea how much that meant.

Camera witches to Steve as he begins to look sad and realises he has hurt Remy

Remy:

 But now you’ve confessed to all that shit . . . I wish I never asked you to come for a cigarette with me . . . I should have asked Bethan!

Steve stutters slightly as if he’s about to say something but no words come out

Remy:

 So go ahead! Go and marry that fucking bitch and go live the life that you crave so much! . . . I just hope it’s a lot better than all the time that we’ve apparently ‘wasted’ together! Just fuck off you posh twat!

Camera follows Remy as he turns his back to face the wall and continues to cry for several seconds. Steve begins to look guilty as he now knows what he said was wrong. He gets up and starts to move towards Remy while the camera follows. He places his hand on Remy’s shoulder.

Steve:

 You’re right Remy.

Pause

Remy:

 What?

Steve:

 You’re right about everything!

Remy wipes his tears and turns to face Steve.

Steve:

 I don’t think for myself at all. I’m not embarrassed by you. If anything . . . I’m jealous. I wish I could just forget about what other people think and just live my life my own way.

Camera pans out. Steve starts to slowly pace away from Remy until he turns to face him again. There’s a slight sadness in his voice as we move in for a close-up.

Steve:

 You know, Becky’s not even taking Kennington as her name! She says it doesn’t suit her. Like there should even be an argument about it. No part of this wedding had anything to do with me. If it wasn’t for the invitations we sent out, I wouldn’t even know where the fucking thing was being held!

Steve sits down. Remy follows, putting his arm on his shoulder. The camera shows them both in a mid-shot.

Remy:

 I suppose it was cool not having to worrying about organising stuff though?

Steve:

 Yes, but its’ nice to be noticed every once in a while.

Moments silence

Steve:

 And you know what the real sad thing is?

Steve faces Remy

Steve:

 She’s cheated on me with so many people!

Remy:

 What?

Steve:

 I found a shit load of emails and texts from other dudes, thanking her for a wonderful evening and I didn’t have the nerve to confront her about it! Every time I see her now I just see the lying, deceiving girl who screwed me over! She doesn’t love me at all; she just wants the expected life like me.

Pause

Remy:

 You know . . . you don’t have to give her that life Steve.

Steve:

 I know. I guess I’ve been hiding the truth for a long time.

Remy:

 And what is the truth?

Steve takes a deep breathe

Steve:

 The truth is. You’re the only person who truly understands me. Hell, even I didn’t realise what a stupid mistake I was making.

Steve and Remy come eye to eye. Close up on Steve.

Steve:

 What I’m trying to say is; you were right all along. I shouldn’t be marrying Becky at all! I shouldn’t be ashamed of my life and if you weren’t here I probably wouldn’t have figured that out.

Remy begins to smile. Close up on each of them.

Steve:

 The truth is Remy. You’re my best mate . . . and I love you!

Remy:

 I love you too man.

Both hug

 

Scene 11

Becky arrives at the church dressed in her wedding dress. Visitors surround her until her sister Anne approaches looking worried. The camera holds them both in the shot.

Anne:

 He still hasn’t arrived.

Becky:

 WHAT?!!

Anne:

 He’s not in there.

Becky:

 What do you mean he’s not in there? It’s my wedding day!

Anne:

 Everyone’s been trying to call him but no one’s got through. I’m sure there’s a logical explanation.

Becky fumes for several seconds

Becky:

 Call Remy!!

Scene 12

Camera shows Steve and Remy sitting down in the lift.

Steve:

 I guess it’s time to explain myself then. Can I now have the phone?

Remy:

 With pleasure sir!

Remy’s phone begins to ring

Remy:

 Ooo the kraken awakes. Let it all out man.

Remy hands Steve the phone. Steve takes a deep breath and accepts the call. The camera holds on Steve’s face and we can hear Becky’s voice.

Steve:

Becky! How are you?

Becky:

 Steve, where the fuck are you? I am freaking out!

Steve:

I . . .

Becky:

 You have already embarrassed me enough. So why don’t you get down here so we can get married and I can have my wedding day as I’ve planned.

Steve:

 Yeah . . . there’s been a bit of a change of plan babe.

Moment’s silence

Becky:

 This is my wedding day! You are not going to ruin this for me!!!!

Steve:

 Oh why don’t you shut up for once, you brainless, shallow trout! Why don’t you let me talk for once and shut that clown’s mouth of yours! You treat me like complete shit and I’m not putting up with it anymore. You want your perfect wedding, why don’t you have one with all the men you’ve fucked while we’ve been together? That way you’ll be the centre of attention as London’s public bike!!

Steve hangs up the phone and breathes deep for a couple of seconds. The camera pans out to show them both.

Steve:

Man that felt good!

Remy:

 Wow man, I’m impressed! You nearly scared my dick off. 14 years of testosterone finally released ey?

Steve:

I guess so.

Camera switches to the lift door. Someone bangs on the lift door continuously until a maintenance man prizes it open and reveals himself.

Maintenance:

 Alright fellers, sorry about the delay, we only got the call about half an hour ago.

Camera shoots back to Steve and Remy as they stand up

Steve:

 Its ok man, it’s been alright to be fair.

Maintenance:

 Bloody thing has broken down three times this month, the councils thinking of scraping it for a new one.

Remy:

 I wouldn’t be so hasty, this things a blessing in disguise!

Maintenance man looks at the urine puddle on the floor and looks confused.

Maintenance:

 Hey, you look smart; you got somewhere important to be?

Steve looks at Remy and smiles

Steve:

 Nah, not really.

Remy:

 He always dresses like a nob.

Maintenance:

Well we got a fair bit to do on the lift so if you wouldn’t mind?

Steve and Remy vacate the lift and begin to walk down the corridor. The camera is at a high shot looking down at them.

Remy:

 You know, I think everything has worked out for the best, I can feel it in my balls.

Steve:

 Call me crazy but this has possibly been the worst day of my life. Despite that I agree with you and your balls entirely.

Remy:

 And as an added bonus I don’t have to record spider-man 3 tonight. We can just watch it straight.

Steve:

 Yes that really has been the saving point of today! But come on, that movie sucked so much ass!

The camera has a long shot as Steve and Remy walk away, their voices getting quieter as the credits begin to roll up.

Remy:

 Are you kidding? Peter Parker finally grows a pair and actually starts to kick ass!

Steve:

As a whiny emo! He might as well have a green day t-shirt on.

Remy:

 He can be a nudist for all care as long as he provides the web slinging action. And what’s wrong with green day anyway?

Steve:

 Oh you really want to start that conversation? We could be here for some time!

The screen has a fade out as the credits continue to roll.

End.

 


© Copyright 2020 ajrobinson1. All rights reserved.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Add Your Comments:

Comments

avatar

Author
Reply