The story of a girl who has lost her innocence, the guilt that she harbors, and the consequences she must endure. I'm also writing a novel based on the story. Constructive critisism encouraged.

I held the poster with a shaky hand.  On it was a picture of my boyfriend, Seth, and me.  The words “Hot Stuff” were written in bold red.  I quickly crumpled the paper.  The word was out.  The whole school probably already knew about what we’d done.  I thought we could keep it a secret.  We couldn’t.

No one would have cared, but I was the preachy one.  I was the one with the purity ring, the one who read the Bible on a daily basis, and never missed a day of church.  I was known, not only as a “prude,” but as a “Jesus Freak.”  Now everyone knew that I was just like them, worse maybe: a sinner and a hypocrite.

The posters were everywhere, especially on Seth’s and my lockers.  Everywhere I looked, there was another picture of Seth and me.  I couldn’t escape them, couldn’t escape my mistakes.

It had been a moment of weakness, of passion.  Neither of us had ever wanted to do such a thing, it all happened so fast.  We could hardly look each other in the eye anymore.

Now, everyone was talking about it.  Finally, I couldn’t take the whispers and stares anymore.  The back of my throat began to burn and I could feel tears forming.  I was rushing to the bathroom for privacy when I ran into my friends Lindsey, Kendra, and Sam coming out.  We all stood there awkwardly for a moment.  Slowly, each of them turned away and carried on down the hallway as if we had never encountered each other.

I cried in the bathroom through all of first hour, I didn’t care if I got punished, nothing could be worse than what I was going through at that moment.  I knew that I was alone.  Lindsey, my best friend since sixth grade, would never forgive me.  Kendra was almost as preachy as I was, I could never look her in the eye after this.  Sam had always been certain that she and Seth were destined for each other, even after he and I started dating.

They were my very best friends.  Who else did I have?  Who else could I talk to?  Who would take the time to just listen?  I needed someone who would understand what it was like to be me.

Seth.  We made this mistake together, we needed to pull through it together.  First hour had just ended and I wandered through the hallways until I found him.  He was standing in front of his locker, eyes on the floor.  A group of guys were gathered around, trying to get the intimate details out of him.  One of them saw me approaching and wolf-whistled.

“Look who’s here!”  Seth looked up and saw me.  The others took notice, “Comin’ back for more!”  “She just can’t get enough of you, Seth.”  “Woo-hoo!”

“Alright guys, cut it out.”  Seth looked around at them.  He looked back at me.  “Leave us alone for a minute.”  The guys raised their eyebrows, murmured under their breath, and fizzled into the rush of people heading off to class.

We found a quiet corner where we could be somewhat alone.  There was an awkward silence between us.  Neither of us could look the other in the eye; I studied the floor, his eyes examined lockers behind me.

“I saw the posters.”  He said quietly.

“Yeah, the whole school saw them.”  I said, angrily wiping away a tear.  More silence.

“How are you doing?”

I frowned and rolled my eyes.  “Am I supposed to answer that?”  He shook his head slowly.  We stood awkwardly for a few more seconds.

He sighed, “Look, just give it a few weeks and everyone will forget about it.”

“I won’t forget.”  I looked up into his remorseful eyes.  He was quiet for a second before ashamedly meeting my gaze.

“Neither will I.”  He said in a hoarse voice.  We looked at each other like that for a long time.  We were together, but each of us was very alone.  Finally, he turned away.  “We should get back to school.”

I grasped his arm.  “Will you walk with me?”

He looked back at me; his eyes were watery.

“Just to your next class, please.”

He nodded silently and wrapped an arm around my shoulder.  I clung to him as if he were my only support.  I found myself crying softly as we walked soundlessly down the hall.  I never knew it would be like this.

“Why’d we ever do it, Seth?”  Neither of us could find an answer.

When we reached his class, he pulled me close to him.  We stood there alone for a few moments.  His strong arms wrapped around me were the only thing that kept me from collapsing.  I cried on his shoulder until I felt as though every tear was gone.

“Are you okay?”  He asked, gently stroking my hair.

I took a deep breath and nodded.  “Yeah.”

He kissed the top of my head, held me close for another moment, then gently let me go.  I watched his exhausted form enter the classroom as he left me standing alone.

Completely and utterly alone.


Submitted: July 25, 2011

© Copyright 2023 Alegria Marie. All rights reserved.

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Comments

lucylemonade

Wow that was really good!!! I want to know more!

Mon, July 25th, 2011 9:36pm

Author
Reply

Haha... thanks! I'm actually writing a novel based on it, maybe I'll post it some time. :)

Tue, July 26th, 2011 7:01am

glitter snow426

great story, heartbreaking but vivid and so interesting!! I truly felt something special, trurthful and memorable. Oh love is there, the couple shows it clearly!! Keep up the terrific work!

Wed, July 27th, 2011 2:25pm

Author
Reply

Thanks! :)

Wed, July 27th, 2011 10:18pm

Unfortunate Cowboy

Hmmm...I ain't gonna analyze it, cause' its all right there, yet I don' know what ta make of it. Innoncence lost? Maybe not, but a little bit of pride and a little bit of yerself leaves with a simple act, its amazin' how the quick moments of intimacy change you, if only when done with someone you didn't ever intend ta be intimate with, or weren't meant ta be, in yer haphazard life plan. The girl I thought I loved...ah, never mind. I hang my head whenever I think 'bout it. Good story, miss.

Thu, July 28th, 2011 5:35am

Author
Reply

Thanks, I really enjoy reading your comments. You have good insight.
It's sad that anyone should have to live with hurt or regrets in their lives. I have a few of my own, but they make me want to work harder to become the best person I can be.
God bless. :)

Fri, July 29th, 2011 9:13am

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