23 Years

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
I know what it is like to be alone.

I know what it is like to be loved.

And now I can never go back.

Submitted: November 20, 2013

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Submitted: November 20, 2013

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I have gone to sleep and woken alone for 23 years.

Out of those 23, I've known you for 8. It's like my mind runs a free, forever-scrolling, marquee with your name and all the things i adore about you. It flashes and blinks and steals all of my attention. All I can focus on is you.

But that's all I want to focus on.

They way you smell, the way you feel, the way you taste.

When you're not here I fixate on your absence, and how everything is so different without you. How the sheets don't lay right, the clock ticks slower and louder. the TV is brighter, the lights more piercing, the white noise louder, more ominous, more penetrating. Its taunting me. The world is taunting me without you.

I claw my way through the darkness of sleep without you. Cold and desperate, trying to find my way back to you. Hoping that my search through the endless world of dreams will find you waiting somewhere for me. And I wake terrified and alone each time.

When I do find you, it is over too soon, and I find myself alone again. 

This empty bedside.

23 years of this empty bedside. 

When you are here I am living in constant fear of losing you again. I watch as the clock spins so rapidly to that time you leave me each night. I cling to you and beg you to stay.

Is this how life will be?

Will I continue to watch in horror as my life spins away from me until you are gone?

I hope I have years of you in my bedside. I hope I have years to wake and find you holding me, warm and safe.

I cherish the little moments of silence we share.But even they are gone too quickly. All of our moments go to quickly. I need you. I want you.

How can we meld into one?

How can we become one person, one soul together so that we can NEVER part?

I-- we-- would never be alone. We would always have each other.

How can I hold you inside me to take with me everywhere I go?

 


© Copyright 2018 Alex Hart. All rights reserved.

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