Seven Fifteen, October

Reads: 394 | Likes: 0 | Shelves: 0 | Comments: 3

''it's only that i still love you deeply''

Seven fifteen, October

Dusk-rose sky.
Pale pink trees and the water too.
Vainly stammered my loneliness to you.

Watching the super-fast colour change
through the night-flies and daddy long-legs.

I can’t believe the strength of the sky-fire.
Transfigured dullness. The fuchsia draining eastward drawn from grey
leaving blue
into scarlet into violet.

I fell downstairs. All the thin windows blazing.
Pink on the carpet.
In my rough curls.
In the air where I was becoming lead again.

Out on the lawn I am dumb-stricken, head-locked
flares the incomparable once-bitten cherry.

Tear upstairs. Will challenge you with this beauty
will pour it out and nullify.

The sky is so dark. Grey nearly black again. Crane my neck and even in the east it is gone.
Ink knocked over, you’re a pastel-blush sigh bleeding into the soil. Hurried down and the night was my echo.

I am left wet-eyed and angry
as if you’d been here.

Submitted: October 29, 2010

Poetry love friendship nature sky dusk awe

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Exploit

I really like this :) Great use of imagery!

Fri, October 29th, 2010 8:52pm

Author
Reply

cheers! thanks alot for reading :)

Sun, October 31st, 2010 4:13am

aaihalbs

Ooh, this one doesn't get a like from me. I don't know, it escaped me. Alright, I WILL like it, because the last line was a brilliant saving grace. But this poem was all sky to me, and not brilliant sky, just sky, not meaningful sky, just sky. Don't strive for deep meaning in the shallowness of beauty. You know I love your work, but I got to throw a criticism in now and again to regain some composure, eh? :p

Sun, November 14th, 2010 6:50pm

Author
Reply

YES i do love and need a criticism and thankyou that is a brilliant way to look at it.
it is a very basic poem, i wrote in like 2 minutes when there was like such an awesome sunset and all i could think was his beauty which at the time affected me but your right didnt translate into anything worthwhile. i guess thats why i gave it such a documentative title. cos i was really only saying 'hey at this time, in october now, a sky does this to me' :s i'll call it a sanity diary ;) haha cheers as always

Tue, November 16th, 2010 10:21am

aaihalbs

I'm glad you could accept the criticism :) But now that you explain it and simple it down, and your explanation behind the title, it doesn't seem so unlikable anymore :)

Thu, November 18th, 2010 11:39am