Truth Hounding

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
i cant keep his needs from my head

Submitted: September 02, 2010

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Submitted: September 02, 2010

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Truth hounding
 
When I’m undone and seeing, and frail in my joints for I know my dog-nature, I swoon back to cold inward folding and twisting my arms round my face. In the night when it’s real and I quake with the residual devotion and I see how I’ve failed; all I could want is him laying me down into sleep with his limbs needing mine and those eyes wanting curing. And I chew, scratchy grip cease the shaking and make my mind slow; I would never need this care had he not instilled the awe and made me love his love. Back out in the clay slog I break a smile and frame fame in forgetting. Somehow I must unstitch his pain from my awe. While he’s near and each and every word and gesture makes me cleave to discerning, how I’m losing myself as unwise lovely blooms rear up somewhere not wholly unnoticed then quick as birds I found falling out his mouth I’m brimming with wilting and hope-eloped buds. I know I’ll never reclaim all I neglected till he goes and I howl out of sight when I see how I’ve changed. I fear the indignity now but I can’t stop the serving and I can’t keep his needs from my head and my heart. Something make my nights fresh once more, make me free of this limpet-like need to be loved. It was never here before him. And the nights with the rooks when we silently war as I come to his bed, never sleeping just feeling him close lost in gentle dream I pray, and I won’t fall into dreaming beside him for I’m spinning this fast into gold-haloed memories. But this don’t keep me calm in the listless light of the moon and the ghosts of each writhing; yet I won’t just forget. He made me then made me disband and now I may try piecing back together with him forever imbued and indented like fingerprints around the edges; and no I won’t just ink-over and forget. I am still faithless in self-worth as I scrabble like a hound at realisation and even with my unyielding jaws round the answers I go cold with the stubborn love and the burn that I’ll never permit him his leave. 


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