The Duality Of Human Existence And Love

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Life is too short to live with concerns and selfish desires.

Submitted: July 31, 2008

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Submitted: July 31, 2008

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The recent and almost instantanious changes that I have gone through have brought forth what I believe to

be life-changing realizations toward what life is really composed of, and of course, what experiences tell us

(as long as we stop and really look at these experiences). I am still young, but old enough to be wise in

some areas of life. I have noticed people, most of all. People change like the weather. People are different

and all the same but no one really fluctuates past a certain point, unless of course, the person happens to

make a very large impact on society as a whole. Most people are driven by what drives society the most, like

money, power, love, pride, and other selfish values. I see people standing on the side of the road, begging

for money, and I see people driving nice luxurious sports cars around (like one of the many trophies of their

wealth). I see people dress how they think they should dress to blend in with society, although they are

almost totally oblivious to the truth: they are not different from anyone else who is just like them, although

they are striving to be different. As much as I see these things in society, I see various differences in

everyone, and I like to notice what their life stories look like, although I can only see a preview of maybe a

small section of what their life stories have to share. In life, I have also experienced love. Love is what I like

to call the greater of the evils. Love is the best and the worst thing in the world. Love can feed and nurture

you, and it can also stab you in the back, push you down and crush your heart. I have noticed that love is

always driven by an ambitous strive for satisfaction, but it seems like satisfaction is hard to find in a world

where a smile is also hard to find. I mean, people are constantly combing their lives and worrying about this

and that, never stopping to enjoy what might actually SATISFY them. Satisfaction. It can be found anywhere,

from the depths of the sea to the peaks of the highest mountains. I find satisfaction in running. I cannot run

as well as some people, but that is what satisfies me. My love for running and the love that I experienced for

one young woman in particular have lead me to several interesting views on what love is: Love is your best

friend, and your foe. Love is like a friend who finds it fun to be mean to you. Love is like a job well done, but

with little to show for it. Love is also like that cool light rain that you find on the hottest day. I found that in

all the obscurity of my love and passion for what I desired, I was not being totally selfish. I wanted to satisfy

myself sure, but who doesn't? I am what people call "A nice guy" and I have heard it a dozen and a half

times, "nice guys finish last". I may not always finish last, but it seems like it sometimes. I am not going to

let myself get harnessed into what vile and cruel hold that love and rejection can throw me into. I am moving

on, and so is she. I guess she has already found other people, but I don't know. It seems like the world can

be the smallest place ever and you can know everything and everyone, but on the contrary, you could be

oblivious to everything at the same time. In being "a nice guy" I have noticed that I had deposited most of

my selfish feelings and bitter anger just to see that the one person I loved could be happy. I still want that

for her, more than anything. But in all of that, I had to sacrifice what little chance of satisfaction I did have.

Sure, time has gone on and I have moved on, but not totally. People cannot simply sit back and position

themselves into a place where they are vulnerable and unhappy. I have been doing well about doing work,

running, keeping myself busy, and most of all, trying to seek what makes me truly happy. There is some sort

of complexity in the manner in which people act that strikes me as somewhat odd, even today. I wish I could

see why people transgress through their own characteristic qualties and change into someone else, almost in

no time at all. In going to college, I have seen a lot of change. I left home and never thought that people

and places would change, but they did, and with great magnitude. I have seen people mature, change, and

fluctuate in ways I could never imagine. I have seen what powers people from day to day. I see myself in

other peoples shoes. I have the ability to shift my thinking into almost a realm of all possibility. I can see

where people come from when they do things I don't agree with. I see all the selfish, naive, juvenile, and

inappropriate acts and thoughts and I see what filters them. I see the future, and I can see how dim or

bright it can be, depending on what I wish to do in changing the light bulb. I cannot control anyone but me,

and I certaintly cannot affect anyone on any grandiose level in changing much of how they live their lives. It

seems like life goes in slow motion, and suddenly fast forwards through the best parts just so you cannot

enjoy them as much. Politics have turned into warfare, and even sports have turned into a sort of evil. People

are run by selfish driven thoughts, and they get out of hand until they cannot contol the bitter and

unexpected results of their malicious actions. I am grateful for everything that life has given me, even the

bad things. The bad things have made the good things even better. I have been able to open my eyes and

see with more clarity the duality of man and the powers of the smallest things in this world. The tongue, it is

said, is like a double edged sword. A sword can do a lot of damage. What then, do we say to not make our

tongues like swords? That is a problem, in that people always say the wrong things, even if they do not

mean it. I see many people who do not know what it is to work hard for something. I believe that hard work

is a fundamental aspect in what people need to achieve a balance in life. Life however, is a great mystery.

Life is lived in billions of different ways and viewed in even more different ways. I joined a fraternity, and I

learned more of what support is like. Support is needed in many ways, and functions to stablilize what little

hope and strength we have in life. I have also learned, not only from my brothers of Zeta Beta Tau, that a

little can go a looonnggg way. Even a sincere apology, a smile, a hug, or just a phone call to say hello can be

the best things on a dark day. In all simplistic pleasure, many of the things that I have done have been done

with little regards to my self-happiness and my future. I have been starting to get excited about the most

tiny of things, such as a fourty minute drive to Taco Bueno because that is what I am in the mood for, or a

trip to the lake, just to jog in the sunset and lose myself in the beauty of the surroundings. My first year of

college has been pivotal, to say in the least. The people I have come to know the places I have been have

been attached to me, and served as a catalyst to change me into what I am today. For that, I want to say

thank you. Life is funny, because it is random and unexpected. I trained for a marathon, and it didn't even

matter if I ran a marathon, but I ran it anyway, just because I enjoyed it. It seems like everything exists just

to contradict with everything else. The good and the bad, the pretty and the ugly, the colorful and the drab. I

have come to know that no one can be friends with everybody, and everybody can't be your friend, but

friends are also a key benefactor in what life experiences you have. Life, although not easily defined, can only

be what you make of it. Not to philosophize, but to understand much of what life gives, you must first

embrace what beauty and richness that is given to you. You must sacrifice things, like what means most to

you, for things to happen a certain way. You must make mistakes, and you must learn from them. My

summer is filled with mistakes, but also hard work and most importantly, fun. I cannot simply sit back and

mope around, thinking about what I could have. I jump up and reach out, expecting to get what I work very

hard for. Faith and dreams are important in having plans, and a future. To put it simply, I have experienced

love, and then pain, and then morose indifference. But, then I realized what I must truly do to live my life in

a manner that would respectably put me in a position of true happiness.


© Copyright 2017 Alex Moeller. All rights reserved.

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