The Man In The Alleyway

Reads: 785  | Likes: 1  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 8

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Mystery and Crime  |  House: Booksie Classic

A new type of mystery I have created that might creep out some people

 

The Man In The Alleyway 

A young man was walking down a dark alley. He was tall, slim, and had dirty black hair. As he walked, he noticed a deceased man splattered with blood slumped against the alley wall. The young man studied the dying man and felt a bone-chilling shiver down his spine. He grabbed his cellphone and dialed the paramedics and local police. He grabbed the man and dragged his now unresponsive body to a nearby streetlamp. Now with light, the young man got a better look at the unconscious man. The man was in his mid-30s with a kitchen knife wedged in between his shoulder blades. The young man began feeling discomfort and nausea as he noticed the man had miniscule holes scattered all around his body.

In the distance, sirens blare that appears closer by the minute. The paramedics surround the injured man and check his pulse and his status. One of the paramedics got up and walked towards the young man. The paramedic explained that the man had little chance to continue living and his wounds appear peculiar to what he has seen. Moments later the local police arrive and examine the crime scene.

One of the police officers begins asking the young man of what he witnessed. The police was contempt that the young man was just a good citizen at the wrong place at the wrong time and walked towards his fellow officers to discuss the situation.

The young man watched as the injured man was lifted into the ambulance and began to walk away. As he walked away he noticed that his clothes and hands were smothered with blood. He decided to enter a nearby store and wash up in their restrooms. While the young man washed his hands he looked into the mirror. His face appeared tired and depressed. He kept looking into his reflection until a severe pain began to form in his head. The man grunted and slumped to the floor in agony.

The man blinked and had his vision and sense of reality slip from his grasp. He clawed out, screaming for help in desperation. He didn’t hear anything, not even his own voice. Has he gone deaf, his mind flusters with the possibilities. As he squirms on the bathroom floor, images flash in his mind. Him having coffee with the man before they go out for a smoke. Both of them fighting off a mugger and gets stabbed. And finally the young man ripping the older man’s soul out of his dying grasp.

 

 

Author’s Personal Message: This story is fictional and should not be an influence towards anything against law-breaking, unorthodox life, or any influence over other people


Submitted: January 13, 2013

© Copyright 2021 Alexander13997. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

Alexander13997

If you enjoy this story, please like it on the channel you were directed from or on here. It would really make my day.

Mon, January 14th, 2013 6:01am

elizabethina

Creepy and interesting. I really should get into more of your work, better check them out a.s.a.p.

Tue, January 15th, 2013 11:37am

faithfulcriticofhumanity

I understand what you are trying to depict but in all honestly sir, you do it rather poorly and could improve greatly. I suggest major revision of the story as far as merely fixing grammatical errors and use past tense to clear up the setting of the story. I do not mean to pry or ruin your mood, my purpose is only to give suggestions in order to help you. For starters, the title is alright but no one says alleyway so make it simple and say alley. Overall, you're story is confusing at the end but as I said before I understand what you are trying to say. So why dont you say it? I suppose every new writer's writing is rudimentary so do not fret. Hopefully you will improve as you learn more about writing. Also, all criticism is good criticism. It benefits to make mistakes so you can learn from them. Good luck!
-faithfulcriticofhumanity

Thu, January 17th, 2013 9:46pm

Alexander13997

Thank You @faithfulcriticofhumanity for the criticism it really helps me yearn for better published content. This story was actually written when i was only 12 years old and that's why there is some awkward moments in this piece of literature

Thu, January 17th, 2013 11:43pm

ramrege

Your story is good and your narration is creative. But i do feel that you need to elaborate the end a little. Dont misunderstand me but it is not possible to visualise properly what must have happened.

Thu, January 24th, 2013 6:29am

Alexander13997

If my story reaches 200 or more reads I will publish an extended ending

Sat, January 26th, 2013 12:30am

Alexander13997

Finally finished the ending!

http://www.booksie.com/thrillers/book/alexander13997/the-man-in-the-alley-(extended)

Sat, October 26th, 2013 4:46am

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