Letter to Grandma - Lovely Autumn

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Based entirely on real-life fragments and memories.
I miss you, Grandma. RIP.

Submitted: November 22, 2018

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Submitted: November 22, 2018

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Dear Grandma,

 

This Thanksgiving, I am writing you a letter, as I snuggle in bed with papers, halfway-finished homework assignments and, what’s most important, precious memories - some distorted, some still in the form of crystal-clear reflections. Maybe this is further proof that I am not able to fathom the fact that you are gone, stuck in an ever-present phase of subconscious denial. It’s almost like I would walk into a kitchen and everything would be the way it used to be two months ago: you’ll be there, sitting on the grey couch with a deck of cards nearby and our cats, Toto and Lissie, cuddled by your side. Literally everything would be identical to how it was, before vicious September decided to take you away from us. It’s a lazy Saturday, the corridor light is on without a reason, even though it’s hardly four a.m., and you aren’t sleeping. You always got up before the sunrise, strolling near the ocean shore in search of treasures for your seashell collection...

“Do you want some tea?” I would ask. “There’s herbal, black, citrus...”

“Just hot water,” you’d respond kindly. I’d laugh lovingly about the pointlessness of drinking hot tea without the tea itself - which you never took offense at, being used to my ever-present sarcasm and bad jokes, often replying with jokes that were even wor...jokes that I awfully miss.

In five minutes I’d sit on the other side of the sofa, handing you over a small teacup. Eight playful paws would merrily hop off the sofa, making enough space in between  us...

“Let’s play a card game!” I would say, for the millionth time in a lifetime, with childish excitement.

“Only once,” you would smile, picking up the deck to shuffle it, “I’m a bit tired.”

I would give you a tender kiss on the cheek, and we’d start to play. Occasionally, I’ll cheat and play poorly, not to win, due to my infantile belief in the naive Russian saying that one who wins in cards loses in love. Not that I’d ever wish a burden like that upon you, or behold the slightest doubts in the lovingness of your heart. I knew you and Grandpa had the most beautiful bond: firm, loyal and unbreakable. Struggled together, side by side, cheek to cheek for nearly fifty years in no sugar-coated fashion: simply together, through the fights and the quirks of both. We all knew how anticipated your 50th anniversary was, and what a dazzling calendar date it would’ve been!

Oh, lovely autumn, why are you so cruel? A season of new beginnings, you have an unfortunate tendency to make endings unhappy. If there exists a “better place”, unraveled by science, but one that gives you a panoramic overview of Planet Earth - I truly hope you are proud, Grandma. I hope you are at peace, and your heart is filled with comfort, just like ours are filled with gratitude. Sometimes it’s unbearable to stay true to your principals, to find your steady place in this ever-changing, chameleon world - I hope you see that despite the mistakes I make and the imperfections I behold, I am always trying. For that, as well as for my good values, you are the reason.

 

Mother, father, Grandpa, Lissie, Toto, me - we all miss you.

Happy Thanksgiving, from your granddaughter 


© Copyright 2019 Alexandra Layne. All rights reserved.

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