As always.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
Its about as far as your willing to go this early.

Submitted: June 22, 2010

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Submitted: June 22, 2010

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We're sitting on the couch, just like we always do, with your arm around me, and we're holding eachother close.

You move your hand from my neck, and wrap it around my waist, and slowly start rubbing my side, almost subconsciously. I look up at you and smile, kissing your cheek and cuddling closer. You then lean down and kiss me gently and whisper that you love me against my lips. I smile and kiss you back, saying, " I love you too."  Then you pull my ontop of you, kissing me and rubbing my sides, you pull back just far enough for me to see your entire face, and tell me that you don't just love me, but you need me. I force a smile, and giggle, kissing your forehead, asking why you said that, and if you mean it. You lean in to kiss me, and i shake my head. "No," I say "I want to know if you mean it. Until then, no." You pull me in closer, and explain your love for me. I force a smile, and look down, blushing. "Why do you feel this way.. Especially for ME?" You then proceed to tell me, "Its because you know how to treat me..I can tell you absolutely everything, i mean.. you're not just my girlfriend, baby, you're my fucking best friend. I can trust you with anything. I love you, with my everything." I then turn to him, and kiss him, but not with the same passion as before, this one more gentle, and envolving the taste of tears. I hadnt noticed until he wiped them away, but i had been crying too,but i can tell that they aren't happy tears, these hurt. They make the scars on my body hurt. You ask me whats wrong, and i say, "Thats the sweetest thing ever." I lied, though it may have been the sweetest thing ever, that wasnt why i was crying... I was crying because im not sure if i feel the same, and not knowing that scares me.

I get up off the couch and run to my room, sitting on the bed, but managing to slide off and landing on the floor,lifting up my mattress and feeling for my tools, but not taking them out knowing who was just in the other room.. As i pull my hand from under the mattress, you walk in and stare at me. I was hoping you would sit next to me, hold me, cause i was crying. But no, you just stare at me.. I start to open my mouth to say something, but cant seem to find the words to say. I look up to your eyes and notice that your not staring at just me, your staring at my hands, and my sleeves which were pushed up from being under the mattress. You then walk over to me, and bend down, but not to hug me, but to grab the tool out of my hand. (Which i mustve pulled out without knowing) Then you stare at me blankly and ask, "What in the FUCK are you doing. Do you realize how much this could hurt you? Babe, seriously, you could fucking die!" Then i catch your eyes flash to my arms, then see you drop the razor you were holding and grab my arm all in a flash. "How long have you been doing this?" you ask, but im not sure if it was an actual question, or just sarcasm. "Well?" you say  frantically, "Are you gonna tell me? Is it cause of me? Did i do something wrong?" I just stare at you, tears quickly building back up,then i try to find the right words."I.. i um, well.." You interrupt again, "Tell me what made you do this. Please.." then i just blurt out, "Its because i cant stand this, any of it. I dont think it was you." Im suprised i still have a voice, suprised i can still speak. You just look at me, trying to stay calm, but i can tell you're angry..or upset, its hard to say. "Well.." you slide down next to me and blink back what i think are tears. "please stop, for me.. I cant stand to see you like this. Its just not the you i know, not the you i want to know." I just stare at you,getting frustrated. "So if i wasnt like this, you'd still love me?  You'd still want me?" Im speaking rather loudly, caught off gaurd by you smoothing your hands over my scars, i wince. Then i look up, and see one small tear run down the left side of your cheek. "Baby.. please." I say, wiping my thumb across the trail that the tear left behind. "I love you." You say back, and i jump..

And thats how it started.


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