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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Mystery and Crime  |  House: Booksie Classic

This story serves as a voice for those who cannot speak. It is the embodiment of the thoughts that run through the mind of our children. The children who live in an environment of hostility and repression. This story is for them.


Alexis Rios Jimenez 

English Literature and Composition 


September 18  

Hi my name is Matt, or Mateo, depending whether I'm at school or home. I don’t really know why I have to write this. My teacher is making me because she thinks it will make me be a better writer or something. She calls it a "diary”. I think diaries are for girls though. Anyways, I think I need to talk about myself so people know who I am when they read this. I am 7 years old and in the third grade. I'm a little young for my age but that’s because I was born in October. I have dark brown hair and eyes with light skin. My mom sometimes thinks it’s funny to say how I'm adopted because no one in my family is pale. I don’t know why but my dad doesn’t like when my mom tries to make joke. He gets mad but I thinks she's funny even when she picks on me. I live in Los Angeles with my mom, dad, and my little baby sister. She's only 3 years old so she's still a baby and I can't play rough with her my mom tells me. My mom’s yelling that dinner is ready. 

September 21 

This is the second time I write in this stupid notebook. I didn’t write for two days and the teacher got mad at me and said she would call me dad. So I’m going to write everyday now so she doesn’t call him because I don’t want him getting mad at me. My dad is a good dad though. He's super cool and funny and smart too. I don’t think there's anyone who can beat him. He's really tall and he has this thick mustache that makes him look really tough. He's really dark and wear this red angel’s baseball hat all the time so his bald head won't show. One day he picked me up with one arm to show me just how strong he is! I love my dad so much he's the best. 

September 22 

 I hate my dad! He just got home and I'm hiding between where a shelf and a sofa meet and create this small little space where I can go. I call it my hiding special hiding spot where only my best friend Chuey the old dinosaur is allowed. My dad, he’s borracho right now. I know he is. My mom is screaming and yelling at him to leave her alone. I hate when they argue. My dad was drinking again after work with his friends I bet. He goes out to drink every Wednesday so I know that I should hide every time I hear him jiggling the lock trying to find the right key. At first when he started showing up drunk I didn’t know to hide so he would approach me and talk to me. He got really close to my face and belched at me and I said he was a dirty pig who smelled funny. His mouth tightened which made his mustache look funny and his eyes grew angry. He slapped me across the face with the back of his hand and told me not to ever disrespect him again. My dad doesn’t like anyone to disrespect him, he's too important for that. But I forgive him because he wasn’t normal, he was just drunk so it's ok he didn’t mean it.

September 23

I haven't seen my mom today and she wasn’t there to pick me up. The school called my aunt Janet to come down. My aunt Janet took me home from school as I was the last person in my class waiting to get picked up. My dad couldn’t because he works. My aunt Janet isn't really my aunt, at least that’s what my dad says. He says that she's only my mom’s friend. My mom says they’ve been friends since they went to middle school and that she is like a sister to her. When we got to my house she went in first and started calling out my mom's name looking for her. When she didn’t respond she went to her room to see if she was there. She seemed really worried and was muttering words under her breath. Then she went to go check to see I my baby sister Mara was in her bed in her room. I followed Aunt Janet in and there I saw my mom carrying my sleeping sister, her eyes looked red and watery and her face had a cut on her lower lip. It was all puffy and had the gleam of vivid red blood on it. I didn’t understand what was going on. I didn’t know why my mom was bleeding from her lip. I approached her, "mami, why do you have a cut on your lip? Is it because you were distracted when you bit you were chewing your food?" She made an attempt at a bleak smile and simply said, " No mijo, I accidentally hit myself when I was opening a jar"  After she said that which seemed to make sense to me my aunt Janet gave her a funny look before looking back at me and asking me to get her a cup of water. As I left the room I could hear her saying something about "...not again... can't believe... leave him...” I didn’t know what she meant but as I poured the water into the cup they both emerged from the room. My mom looked so scared as if she had seen a ghost. I didn’t know what was going to happen but my aunt Janet scribbled something down on a piece of paper then kissed me on the forehead as she said her goodbyes and hugged my mom who wasn’t acting like herself. I didn’t know what was wrong with her, maybe she had a stomach ache or something. 

September 24 

I haven't had a chance to talk about my mommy, she's the most beautiful mom ever. Her name is Alicia Reyes and she looks like a princess out of a movie. Her hair is golden brown and her eyes are big round spheres that make me feel so safe and comfortable whenever I look into them. She's nowhere near as tall as my dad and is slightly darker than me. I think my mommy is really smart, sometimes she sits down and tells about how her life used to be before she came to the United States. She talks about her friends, her family and the amazing places to visit in her hometown in Mexico. The way she talked to me about these things made me think that it made her really happy to sit back and remember her past experiences, as if her life had been much better back then. I never noticed her talking about these things with me while my dad was home though, she would always wait until he had left for work, made dinner and put Mara to sleep before sitting next to and commencing her storytelling. I never knew just how much I enjoyed her story telling until I noticed that while other kids my age were having stories of knights in armor and princesses who needed saving told to them, I was hearing about how my mom used to take wash her clothes outside and hang it to dry. I don’t think she ever talked about her stories with my dad though. I doubt that he would like hearing about how happy her life before coming here and meeting him was, I think that would make my dad jealous. I didn’t know what jealous meant until one day I heard mommy talking to Aunt Janet on the phone about my dad. I didn’t catch it all other than she was saying how “Luis was too jealous". I asked my teacher Ms. grace what it meant and after explaining she was interested in knowing where I heard that word. I confidently said "I overheard my mommy calling daddy that" she immediately turned red for some reason and changed the topic to how messy my desk was. I don’t think she expected me to say that. 

October 1

I can't believe it! I lost this diary for a whole week! I couldn’t find it at all and I was going crazy looking for it. I told Ms. Grace how I didn’t know where it was to please not call my dad and she said I had to find it because it was very important to my grade. I felt really bad I told my mom about it crying and she tried to help me find it but it was no use. I thought it was going to be lost forever until one day we were having dinner my dad saw me feeling really sad and he asked what was the matter with me. I told him all about how I lost my book and that I was going to get a bad grade and everything. He just made a big grin and looked at me. “It’s the black and white one with the gold star on the top right?" My heart was pumping like crazy! I was thinking all sorts of things all at once. First of all that he knew where it was and had found it! Second was that if he read it he probably wasn’t going to like that Aunt Janet that been in our house when he wasn’t there He stood up and opened his desk drawer and put it next to me on the table. “Don’t be leaving your school stuff anywhere mijo, need to be more careful where you leave your things". "Si papa", was all I could manage to say, I was relieved that he hadn't bothered to check what a seven year old punk had scribbled into his notebook.` 

October 2 

Today my dad took us out to eat since it was his day off work. He took us to the pizza parlor down the street where we go every Sunday. I don’t think my mom likes it since it's always the same place but I don’t mind. I get to play in the arcade and I always try to win the biggest prizes. One time I remember we had to leave early because my mom wasn’t feeling well. I think her head was hurting because she kept shutting her eyes as if she didn’t want anyone to look at them. Once we got home she went into the bathroom and didn’t come home for about an hour. I don’t understand what happened to her, I was worried she had gotten mad at me for playing in the arcade too long instead of being with her and my dad at the booth. 

October 3 

Today wasn’t Wednesday. It was Monday but my dad came home from work really drunk. He kept on laughing and making jokes about my mom and comparing her to a pig, a whale, and other big animals. After making fun of her he started to come near me. He started to say how I look nothing like him. He started to say that when he was a kid, he was already working on the ranch where he grew up in Mexico. That he had already begun learning how to be a man and ride a horse by my age. Think it would have been best to keep my mouth shut but I didn’t. Instead of keeping quiet I said, “but I'm not you". "You’re sure as hell not!" he cried cheerfully. His smile was deceiving because ten seconds later that smile was gone and a deep scowl had taken its place instead. I wanted to go to my hiding spot under my bed more than anything but I could escape him. He lunged at me and grabbed my right arm and threw me on the sofa. “Me vas a falter el respeto?” So you're going to disrespect me huh? He said. He grabbed for his belt to unbuckle it so he could whip me. Right when he had gotten it off and raised his arm to strike me down my mom grabbed his arms and jumped right in front of me. "Leave him alone Luis, por favor dejalo!” she cried. "No te metas vieja, stay out of it", he roared. He pushed her aside and was moving to try to hit me again but my mommy pushed him hard so he would miss me. He got really mad. A vein in his forehead was showing and he looked at my mom with crazy eyes. He grabbed her by the hair and started to pinch her face with his big hand as he was screaming at her for being nosy and dumb. All she could try to spit out was her begging for him to let go. She had tears all over her puffy red eyes and was holding on to her hair so he wouldn’t tear it out. I don’t know why daddy was doing this, it wasn’t even Wednesday. 

October 4 

My mom didn’t come to pick me up today either, but Aunt Janet didn’t come today. My dad cam to pick me up saying how my mom is not responsible and lazy to do her job. When we got home he said he was on his break and had to get back to work. He told me to be a good boy and to not do anything that would get me in trouble with him. He kissed my cheek which felt weird because his mustache felt really prickly. I got off and went inside my house. It looked really messy and I didn’t know where my mom was so I called out to her. "Mami, where are you?" I started to wonder where Mara was so I was about to make my way to her room when my mom emerged from it carrying a sleeping Mara. “What are you doing home so early?” she asked looking surprised. I was puzzled, “umm, its three in the afternoon mommy, you didn’t come to pick me up on time", I remarked. Her face looked out of it, as if she hadn’t known where or what she had been doing the past several hours. When she did finally start up again she seemed sad, “Oh mijo I’m so sorry, I don’t know how I forgot I must have been so busy I forgot. How did you get home, did Tia Janet take you?" I shook my head, “no, daddy took me". Her eyes grew wide with fear at the mention of my dad. I wasn’t sure why she looked so scared of him, but now that I think of it, my mom always has that look when he gets home and gets close to her. One time I even caught her making shaky fists as he inched closer to her. Snapping back out of her daze she seemed to try to forget whatever it was that was on her mind and simply exclaimed, "oh how silly of me, I forgot your dad said he wanted to pick you up from school today so that’s why I could go, sorry baby you hungry". 

October 5 

My birthday is coming soon on October 8 and my mommy says I’m going to have a big party with all my cousins and family. She says I’m going to get to have a jumper and a piñata with Spiderman on it. Spiderman is so cool because he as the power to help women when bad guys try to hurt them. I wish I could be Spiderman. Then I could save my mom when she’s in trouble. I wish I was strong and fast like Spiderman so I could protect her because she’s really nice and no one should ever do bad things to my mommy. Today we got home from my tio Jose’s' son's baptism and my dad was drunk slamming the door as he slouched on the living room sofa. Mommy had gone to put Mara in her bed and I was on the kitchen serving myself a bowl of cocoa puffs, my favorite cereal. I had poured the cereal and I was picking up the milk when it slipped out of my hands and onto the floor. As I stood there in awe of what ad just happened I looked up and I noticed my dad had been looking at me the whole time. He had this face that looked like as if he had smelled something that had gone bad. He stood up with clenched fists and leapt towards me. He grabbed my head and pushed me down to the ground. He stuck my face in the puddle of milk right next to his boot and was pushing hard on me to not be able to lift my head up. “This is what you get", he yelled. "You have any idea how much milk costs? You’re going to stay down there and lick every bit of it". I was crying. I couldn’t let out any clear words because he kept on pushing and holding my mouth in the puddle of milk. I was wearing my favorite Pokémon shirt and it was all wet with milk. All I could manage to get in between sobs and the milk was "yam papa, there dad, please. Stop doing this please". I felt as if he was enjoying this because as he kept on speaking over how stupid I was for spilling it I could hear the smile behind his words. I don’t know what would have happened I my mom hadn’t gotten in between us. She threw the remote control at him which distracted him from me and gave me a chance to breathe and try to stop crying. She pleaded with him, "why are you doing this, stop this and think about what you’re showing you’re son!” I could tell he didn’t like having mommy talk to him like that, he is the dad after all. "What did you say to me? You don’t talk to me like that you ungrateful piece of trash, who the hell do you think you are?” he screamed. I tried to say something but I was still crying like a baby and my throat was squeaky from being sad so I couldn’t say anything to make him stop. I was really scared as he got close to my mom step by step. “Stay away from me Luis, don’t touch me", my mommy yelled. He didn’t listen. He was getting really close and she pushed him hard and that’s when he hit her. He slapped her right across the cheek which pushed onto the ground. She was crying uncontrollably and her face as really red. “Do you understand what I mean now by respect?” he said. She just ignored him, in shock of the blow of his hand. "I’m talking to you!” he kept on yelling. Again she ignored him. This time he grabbed her hair and started to drag my mommy into they’re bedroom. My mommy was screaming and crying so awful I didn’t know wat to do. I wanted more than anything to be in my hiding spot and to forget what was happening. I wanted to think of nothing at all. I only wanted to think of my birthday party that was going to come soon. After he shut the door of their bedroom I ran to my hiding spot and took my stuffed animal Chuey. He was an old dinosaur that I’d had since I was a baby. He was the one I td everything to and asked questions to whenever my dad would do really bad things like he was doing right now. I asked him why is he so mean. About why he got so mad when all I wanted was to eat some cocoa puffs, over why he hit my mommy and what he was doing in the room with my mom. All I ever understood was, "please no, don’t do this please you loved me...” before the rest became too muffled to understand. Chuey looked at me with his green eyes in silence as my mommy was screaming in the other room. Her sobbing was muffled and I could hear her cries getting softer and softer. I didn’t know what was happening. Maybe my dad had stopped and they had gone to sleep. I began to drift away and fall asleep, as I clenched Chuey tight with all my strength I began to dream of my mommy and how pretty she is. I really love my mommy. My mommy also said I could have a chocolate cake with Spiderman on it, chocolate is my favorite. 

October 6 

My mommy is gone. I don’t know where she went or why. No one wants to tell me. I’m getting mad that they won’t say anything. I got woken up in the night some time later when a flashlight was shining inside my hiding was a man who sounded worried. He asked me if I was okay, "son are you alright? Come on out there", he warmly asked. I didn’t know who this man was or what he was doing inside my bedroom but he seemed to not be a bad guy so I listened and I grabbed Chuey as he helped me out of me no longer secret hideout. There were people all over my living room. There was yellow tape pasted on my dad and mommies room. The tape read, "CRIME SCENE- DO NOT CROSS" over and over again. I again didn’t understand. What crime? Why couldn’t I cross? Where was my mommy and my dad? Where was my baby sister? I asked these questions to the police officer who had woken me up as he picked me up and said that I was "going to be alright", that I would "be safe". What I didn’t understand was be safe from what. When we got outside my house was swarmed with police cars and ambulances, there was so many light I almost went blind. Once we got to the medic van and he sat me down and put a warm blanket over me was when I thought I was going to have answers. But before that could happen I saw something in the corner of my eye that caught my attention. I turned and I was confused by what I was seeing, I was looking at my dad in handcuffs being pushed into a police car. His white shirt was covered in red paint. The red paint looked like it could be blood. There was so much of it, it was scary to me. I had gotten distracted that I had forgotten that the police officer was talking to me. "Son are you sure you’re alright do you know where you are? Are you ok?” he kept insisting. “I...I wa-, I want my mommy, where is she?” The officer’s face seemed to turn white and get very sad almost afraid even. I had thought maybe he was sick or something. I didn’t know he was going to say what he was going to say. “Son, it’s your mom. She’s been in an accident.” My chest felt really funny for some reason and my heart began to start beating faster. “She… She’s dead son, you’re father killed her.” I didn’t understand what he had said until a short time after. I could feel the hot streaks of tears drop. I was crying, but I didn’t want to think I wouldn’t see my mommy again. While I was crying my eyes out I hear a voce scream my name, “Mateo! Mijo, Mateo!”. For the briefest moment I thought it was my mommy, that all this had been some kind of game we were playing to fool me. It wasn’t my mommy. I saw Aunt Janet break from the police tape and crowds of neighbors who looked on in awe of what was happening. She had been crying like me too, and she was holding on to Mara who was eerily quiet. She seemed so panicked, so scared. “Mijo, ay mijo que ha pasado! Oh my dear what has happened!”, she lamented. I didn’t want to think it. I didn’t want to know anything. All I wanted was for this night to be over. “Mijo, I’m so sorry, your mommy went to heaven, its okay baby I’m going to take care of you and Mara from now on okay baby?” I couldn’t explain it, I had stopped crying and as the tears dried from my face I sat there, numb. I couldn’t feel anything, I wasn’t thinking of anything either. Was she really gone? I kept thinking to myself, how could my mommy be gone? My mommy has always been there, I love her too much, and they can’t take her away from me. “Quire mi mama Tia, por favor”, I finally said. The tears began to flow as I spoke and Aunt Janet began to cry once more as well. “I know mijo, I want her back to. But she’s gone, she’s up in heaven now. It’s going to be okay Mateo, it’s all going to be alright. At that moment I wasn’t thinking of my dad and the bloody shirt he had on. I wasn’t thinking about Aunt Janet. I wasn’t even thinking about my mommy. I was thinking about my birthday party. Was my mommy still going to let ma have the chocolate cake with Spiderman on it? 





Submitted: December 04, 2015

© Copyright 2021 Alexis Rios100. All rights reserved.

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