People say I’m a really strong person but they never know that I cry in the middle of the night just because I miss you. I wrote your name in the sand but the waves washed it away, I write it on my arm but the pen washes of so I wrote it in my heart and there it will stay. I don’t know where I stand with you, I don’t know what I mean to you, all I know is that every time I think of you all I wanna do is be with you. The more boys I meet the more I realize that it’s only you I wanna be with. If you asked if you looked nice I would say no, if you asked if you were fat I would say yes, if you asked if I would cry if you walked away I would say no and with the look on your face I would say… you don’t look nice you look amazing, the only thing fat or big about you is your heart, I wouldn’t cry if you walked away because I would die!! I don’t have the prettiest face for you to look at or the skinniest waist for you to hold but I do promise I have the biggest heart to love you with. I keep thinking of how much I love talking to you, how good you look when you smile, how much I love your laugh, I daydream about you on and off, replaying your album, laughing at the funny things you did in the video, the way that you looked at me, I catch myself smiling at what I imagine, I wonder what will happen next time I see you, even though neither of us knows what the future holds, I know one thing for sure and that’s that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me!! I really miss you and I don’t know how to tell you that I love you and I got really confused. So I was asking people on facebook how I could tell you but it didn’t really help. I didn’t want to tell you coz I didn’t want you to think I was a freak and I didn’t want you to be like the other guys and be all like ewww and try to not talk to me and try to stay away. I was scared I would lose you and then someone said you had a girlfriend ( * not surprized * ) I got really depressed and started doing stupid stuff like cutting and wishing the world would end coz I knew you wouldn’t be mine. Then I also thought your too good looking to ever have the same feelings for me as I do for you and that this is just some stupid teen crush but it’s not I really, really like you, I like you so much my friends think I’m starting to forget about one direction. I will never forget you and I love you so much. If you remember what I said about that 25 year old boyfriend thing.. this is something I have never told anyone….. But it was forced I had secrets… bad secrets that he found out and he threatened to tell them if I didn’t go out with him. You’re the only person I feel like I can trust and talk to (except coops <3) I really love you and you can think I’m weird and all that but please don’t shut me out. What I don’t think you realise is that this isn’t some stupid teen thing even though you probably think it is, I have never felt like this before. I love you and please don’t treat me like I know nothing about what I’m talking about coz I do and I defantly know this is love and all I need now is to know if you feel the same without feeling embarrassed. You would be my first proper boyfriend, my first kiss I love you and I will always remember you!! Please shout out to me on your next album!! I miss you, love you… man I don’t know how many times I have to say it before I can get you to believe!! Please never forget me and never throw this out!!
Lots of love Alex O’Neill
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Essay / Romance
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