this is for real & thats how real i am

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
this was about my ex back in 2009 to 2012 he really hurt me and blame me for a lot of things

Submitted: March 20, 2016

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Submitted: March 20, 2016

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my Love, man, are you done fucked me up? you got me nearly drove my little ass all the way crazy. bruised my pride, hurt my heart. tore my already twisted up world apart. and i held you so close, not realizing it was too close for comfort, but i should have known that you were going to give me the same fucked up treatment just becuz i did you wrong at the beginning but you know it messed up that u go & do that to me when u should of been a better person & try working things out with me instead of hurting me. standing beside the whip knowing that all we are is hurting eachother instead love eachother.. is that all this relationship going to be, hurting eachother? ouch. that hurt real bad. that you just stomp'd on everything that im trying to fix here the thing that we once had and thats love. and you go an smeared it to nothing. fuck! that twisted up my heart strings. standin', keys in hand and all i want to be is loved & one day be walking down that aisle to the altar to say i do but the way i see things u are giving me the same treatment that i have given u at the beginning all i wanted is to be married to the man i love but i guess that will never happen in a thousand years from now. becuz i have hurt you so much & now you are hurting me to make me feel the pain i put you through. you said what you said and i can't even begin to explain how much that hurt. so now i open the door to walk out & never return becuz of the pain that we are putting eachother in cause i'M puttin' a little bit too much effort into this shit for it not to work anymore. but you don't see that anymore, i know i fucked up but now you won't stop to see the pain that you are putting me in by doing what you are doing, when i said i want to work on this relationship with you and make this relationship better. i've gave you all of my time and attention, showered you in my affection and i been shown a good case of neglection. and i hurtz too bad for all this here. you should of be spendin' time, throwin' lil' smiles on my face, not makin' me shed a tear. you'll never understand the reason why i am saying these things to you. .because you're just that selfish! i'M willing to forgive, but i be damn'd if i'm a forget. this is it you spoke what needed to be spoken. you have left my heart and my pride & soul broken and people say it's hard to find real love these days, but fuck what anyone says these day becuz honestly if that the case why the fuck am i trying to fix a fucken relationship with someone who doesn't want to work it out with me. shit. the future can be cloudy,chucks up deuces ya digg on that one? i love my baby. on the real. & if he doesn't love me then he needs to tell me then letting me work on this relationship. i rescued him, from himself, a long time ago may i say 3 years . and through the 3 years, i've come to know a man, bruised and pained, with his emotional strained, his mental disoriented, and his physical only seemingly strong enough to hold himself up. he's cried no tears, fought away what he fears, captured the very essence of strength, bottled it, and sprays it on every morning before he starts his day. but i did alot of damaged to him and now he is giving me the same treatment but honestly he doesn't realize that the treatment that he is giving me is the worst mistake that he is doing becuz ever moment he does that treatment towards me that he is pushing me in to doing the things that i try staying away from, i have been getting more thought of suicide & it's killing me deep inside to even talk about it. but he doesn't realize that ever since my abuse in childhood and abuse with abusive men that its has turn into the thought of suicide, why can't he see that he's a poet with words to say but none to feel. but he doesn't realize that i am a person of pain worst then his.. he never had to endured the pain like i did growing up, being abuse not just by my parents but by students & by teachers & alots of people & who man who i have dated in my past, who i wish were died but that will never happen. we've met through mutual acquaintances & i started falling hard 4 him way before i got to know him., under very, very false pretenses. he did not know me but i have became a emotional wreck before i met him hoping that he was the one who would change my life & show me the love that i have been searching for but how can i make him realize that the painful words that he said towards me is making me think about commit suicide soon. i'm dealing with a broken heart, but it comes with the line of business of being in a relationship with someone who i have hurt in the past but now he is hurting me & using everything that i have done to him to give me the same treatment. and this situation goes to show that i've learned to be a better person & if it keeps going pretty soon he is going to see me 6 feet under ground. but i guess he doesn't care becuz he just want to give me the same treatment & not letting it go & working on getting this relationship back to where it was at the beginning


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