a girl with a kitchen scissor haircut.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Life stories
a short story about the ups and downs of life and appropriating the moments that count.

Submitted: March 07, 2016

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Submitted: March 07, 2016

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From an early age I felt I was destined for greater things, I was never cut out for this life of kitchen scissor haircuts and searching between the couch cushions for pennies. I wanted more out of life; I wanted fast cars, luxury houses, diamonds and more money than I could spend in a lifetime.  

September 2012 - I was two years into living in a new town, those first two years were like the warm up, I never really left the house much. I was in my teens but wise beyond my years, it was always hard for me to get along with people my own age. I had experienced more hardship and life lessons than some people decades older. This September was a turning point in my life, I decided to get out a bit, socialise, make friends. At the time I never realised how much of an impact the events of this one month would have on my life in the long run. I was out and about, being a normal teenager for once, trying to let go of the things holding me back. My best friend Ann and I met at school, she was eccentric to say the least but she was down right hilarious. 

Weekend, no school, free time; me and Ann decided to wonder around aimlessly in the town centre. This was the day I met Jack. Jack was a loud mouthed, cocky typical teenage boy who took a liking to me instantly and it didn't take long before I became his girlfriend, our relationship had many ups and downs, mostly due to the fact that we never had any time alone together. Day after day was spent pointlessly dossing in around town because there was nothing else to do. The day I met my other bestfriend, me  and Ann decide to take a walk to town. "Shannon!" shouted Ann, I looked around to see who she was shouting to, just behind us walking across the bridge was a tall girl with mousey brown hair wearing a tracksuit an glasses following closely behind her were three younger kids. "Guessing that's Shannon?" I asked.  "oh fuck off" shouted Shannon to Ann. "Who are you telling to fuck off you little bitch" said Ann as she marched across the bridge towards Shannon. The two of them argued for a good ten minutes while I stood patiently waiting. Eventually Ann decided to call it a day an we carried on our journey to town. Something told me that wasn't the last I'd be seeing of Shannon and I was right; however I could never have known then that she would turn out to be such an important person in my life. It didn't take long for me, Shannon and Ann to become the best of friends. Before long we were like three peas in a pod. Life was simple, I had my two best friends and my boyfriend. Soon enough we went from spending every day in town to spending ever day at Jacks house, which is where I met his brother Matt. After a night of drinking Ann and Matt got together. we were all happy for them. 

Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months. Jack and I drifted apart some time around December. Ann and Matt lasted for a year or so, granted it was on and off and the majority of the time they were arguing. I was a single pringle, all I needed was my two best friends.  

July 2013 - I had a new boyfriend. Harry. I was never too keen on him but he was something to pass the time. I was lonely and just craved affection from someone. Before long me and Harry moved in together I gradually drifted apart from Ann, Shannon and my family. Harry consumed my life, he was the only person I ever spent time with. Locked away in that house, every day seemed like an eternity. The same boring mind numbing routine every day, he would go to work in the morning I would spend the day sat around doing nothing or lying in bed  because he didn't allow me to get a job. When he was due to finish work I would quickly clean and tidy the house last minute ready for him coming home. When he would get home he would just complain about everything and anything, shout at me, hit me, drive me insane. He was mentally unstable, he wouldn't watch TV or listen to music because he was convinced it 'polluted his mind'. He would hardly eat because he would complain about all food that wasn't a vegetable. He would leave fruit lying around to go mouldy and moan at me for binning it. In his opinion everything I did was wrong, I gradually fell deeper and deeper into depression. I was isolated from the world. I was more alone then than I have ever been. On too many occasions he would literally drag me out of the house in the middle of the night with no shoes, no coat, no, money no phone and nowhere to go. I spent countless freezing cold winter nights outside in the rain, frost and snow while he was warm in bed.

In late 2014 I attempted to leave him. I went to stay at my nan's for a while calling it 'a break'  and all was well until he kept phoning me and pestering me every day, I eventually gave in and went back to him. The night that finally freed me from him started off just the same as all the rest, he was shouting, screaming at me and as usual I had absolutely no idea what it was he was angry at. What made this night different from all the rest is that when he decided to lash out at me and drag me across the floor towards the door, instead of just letting him throw me out into the cold I grabbed onto the living room door frame to stop him being able to pull me out the door, he keep pulling on my legs until I couldn't hold on any longer then he dragged me further down the hall until I managed to grab hold of the dining room door frame. He let go of me to open the front door which gave me just enough time to stand up, just to be grabbed again by him picking me up to throw me out the door, I kicked and punched at him to make him let go of me. He threw me down on the floor then grabbed me my the ankle and started dragging me again. Once again I manage to grab hold of the door frame but he kept on pulling me. He started shouting out the door 'please someone help me please, this person will not leave my house someone please help' when I still wouldn't let go of the door frame he twisted my ankle round and started shouting calling me a psychotic bitch. The neighbours had called the police. As soon as he seen the police car pull up outside he  let go of me slammed the front door shut and ran upstairs. I quickly grabbed my coat, shoes and phone then opened the door for the police, as they were speaking to Harry I packet a bag. 

I had to go to the police station they kept him in overnight. One of the police officers gave me a lift to my dads house. That night I decided enough was enough. I decided to finally be free of him. Soon after I went round with my dad to pick up my stuff from Harry's. I thought it was finally over. Little did I know, less than three days after I had moved my stuff the stalking started. Every night he would come to my house and knock on the door for hours, or sometimes just stand outside the house. This lasted until I got a restraining order barring him from entering my street, after that he still would phone me and send me messages all of the time. It was many months before he eventually gave up.

May 2015 -  I decided it was finally time to get back in touch with my friends. An old friend Connor, Matts best friend asked me to come see everyone again. I went to meet him and everyone else, when I got there Connor told me Matt was on his way. When Matt arrived I realised how much I had missed him, me and him had become close friends after I had broken up with his brother. Seeing him now after nearly 3 years made me realise what I knew deep down all along, He was the one. He had been since the first day we met. We kissed that day and it felt right, but for me nothing ever goes smoothly, it was complicated. His brother was my ex and his ex was my best friend. I decided to end it before it had even properly begun. A little while down the line I got myself a rebound. Due to the tight knit group of friends I was a part of my rebound Nathan knew Matt, they were both close friends with Tony and Jamie - Tony and Jamie were brother's and basically the glue that held our group of friends together. For a while I went on lying to myself, Matt and everyone that I was happy with Nathan but deep down I knew that Matt was who I wanted to be with. I loved him. I lost my self control and I gave in to my heart, I told Matt how I felt about him which lead to me cheating on Nathan. I would lie to Nathan and tell him I was working late when really I was with Matt. When Jamie found out, me and Matt knew there was no more hiding it; everyone would know soon enough. Jamie was never one for keeping secrets. Matt said to me to choose, him or Nathan. Without a moments hesitation I chose him. Me and him had history together, I wanted that history to become a future.

At the start it was never smooth sailing, it was like everything in the universe was trying to tear us apart. for a little while it began to work. As well as dealing with everything trying to destroy me and Matts relationship I also had to deal with my inner demons that I'd been fighting my entire life. Some things in the past latch onto your soul and never let go, they shape you into the person you become. You can either spend your life fighting them or let them consume you, drain the life out of you. For a while I let them consume me, I turned to alcohol as a way out, an escape from it all. I just wanted to numb my mind. I was bordering on alcoholism. Every day and every last penny was spent in the pub. If I went so much as half a day without drinking I began to get the shakes. It was putting a strain on mine and Matts relationship. Ann, Shannon, Connor and all the rest tried telling me that I was going to lose Matt if I didn't pack in the drink and eventually we hit rock bottom in our relationship, he couldn't take it any more so I had to make a choice. I chose him.

It was hard getting off alcohol but with his love and support I managed it. There was a defining day for me when I realised the only thing holding me back from being happy was myself. That day I let go of the past and focused purely on the future. The future I wanted to live with Matt by my side. He was, is and will always be the love of my life. He saved me from myself, he helped me become the person I am today. Instead of drinking to drown my sorrows, or dreaming of fast cars, luxury houses, diamonds and more money than I could spend in a lifetime I decided to appreciate the things that really matter. In this life of kitchen scissor haircuts and searching between the couch cushions for pennies I'm smiling because although I may not have everything in the world, everything I do have is my world. 


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