My eyes just closed when the phone downstairs rings, making me jump and instantly taking me away from the edge of sleep. Who is phoning at midnight?!
I strain my hearing to listen to the conversation, but I can't hear anything. Then something clatters on the floor, sounds like the phone. I get up from under the covers and pit pat in bare feet down the hall. The only sound now is a sobbing.
I rush down the stairs and slide into the kitchen to find Bella, on the floor, phone beside her, head in hands, sobbing tearlessly.
I bend down and rub her back, trying to think of what could possibly be wrong.
"What happened Bells?" I ask.
She whimpers something but I can't make it out.
I lean in closer and catch "Car... Renesmee..."
Suddenly fear creeps into me. Images of my dad crying, phone resting on the table beside him. I was only five or six, but I still remember that because it was possibly the scariest moment of my life, followed by him telling me and my sisters that our mother died in a car crash.
Edward comes racing down the stairs, having heard my thoughts about car crashes.
"Bella, love." He mutters, kneeling down in front of her and reaching for her hand. "What happened?" He brings her hand to his cheek, this is how they can communicate now.
Edward goes completely still, scaring me more.
"What happened?!" I practically shout. Something happened to Renesmee in the car and I still don't know if she's dead or alive or almost dead.
"We have to go to the hospital." Edward says, pulling Bella to her feet. I race out the door after them, only pausing to slip my feet into my running shoes. On the way there Edward tells me there was a collision between two cars on rout 4'0. One of the most dangerous roads in town because there's a terrible blind turn and no street lights, yet its very busy. Renesmee was coming back from Emily's house where she was supposed to be spending the night since Sam is gone for the weekend and Emily hates being alone when Sam's gone.
We rush through the hospital to the emergency wing, Carlisle's sitting outside for some reason.
"Where is she?" Bella asks hysterically. "Is she alright? What happened?"
"Their working on her. I don't know. They wouldn't let me stay because I'm family." Carlisle explains in a dead voice.
"Will she be okay?" I choke out.
"I don't know, she was pretty badly hurt. I was in the ambulance called to the scene, I tried my best on the way here but then they made me leave."
I want so badly to crash through the doors to the emergency room and go stand over her, kiss her cheek and tell her to stay with me. But that would probably just result in me being kicked out of the hospital all together.
So we wait. It must be almost seven o'clock in the morning when a doctor comes out, he doesn't look very happy or relieved. A bad thing.
"She's not going to die tonight, but she's deep in a coma. If she doesn't wake up in the next few days she'll be gone." He says. "You can go see her, she's in the ICU."
Carlisle thanks him and shows us to the intensive care unit. I can't help thinking about what I'll do if she dies. I'm not living, that for sure. There's nothing for me on earth except her. My family can survive without me. The packs will be fine. The Cullen's won't miss me. She's all that matters. So when she's gone, I'm leaving to.
For the first time ever I realize this is how Edward must have felt when he thought Bella died jumping off a cliff and went to those bloodsuckers in Italy to die. Renesmee is my Bella and without her I see no point to live any longer.
Edward stiffens reading this, I'm surprised he's still listening. I would have thought he'd be off in his own world like he always is when something bad happens.
A nurse takes us to Renesmees room.
"You can stay as long as you like." She says kindly then opens the door.
I'm the last to enter. As soon as I see her almost all my hope is lost. She's bloody, with bandages and casts everywhere, tubes and wires sprouting out from her body all over the place. I've never seen her looking more fragile.
I stand over her bed, just looking at the lumps from casts under the blanket, looking at the blood being pumped into her body. Looking at how lifeless she looks.
Then I crumple into the chair beside her bed, feeling small and defeated. She's not coming back. She's already gone.
After a few hours Bella and Edward leave for a break. Its obvious that at any moment their going to snap. I stay though, even after Carlisle goes after them a few minutes later. I won't leave until they tell us she's dead. Which I guess she is, since the only thing keeping her alive are the machines.
I take her cut-up hand between both of mine and kiss the back of it.
"I love you." I say, my voice rough. "Okay? I love you. Don't leave me."
I wait for something I know isn't going to happen. I wait for her to whisper she wont, or for her fingers to squeeze around mine, or for something. Nothing happens though, so I just slump back in my chair while keeping hold of her hand.
I don't sleep for a full day. I keep drinking coffee and waiting and waiting for the moment when they pronounce her dead.
All of the Cullen's and Charlie and A few of the guys from the packs come to see her. Emily comes and explains that Nessie was just going home to get the PJs she forgot.
"I'm so sorry. I should have stopped her or something." Emily says.
"You couldn't have known this would happen." I say.
"But I could have just loaned her some of mine or something."
"You didn't know." I tell her again.
I'm the only one who stays around the clock. Edward and Bella keep leaving for breaks, which I guess is just as sad as not being able to leave, I guess that means they love her as much, so much that they would just break down if they stayed another moment. Maybe I can stand it because I'm already broken, I was from the moment I seen her like this.
It's been a week. No improvement.
The doctor whose been coming to check on her, comes in on the seventh day and says
"The only thing keeping her alive is the machines at this point."
I look up at him.
"There's no point in keeping her on them if there's no improvement."
"No." I say. "Mericals happen all the time. All the time! She can still wake up!" I snap at him.
"I'm sorry, but the odds of that happening are very slim."
I thought I was prepared to hear this. I thought I was ready to admit that she's gone and I need to go find some way to die. I thought I would handle it better.
"You cant just stop trying! You don't stop trying until there is no chance. You keep trying."
"There is really no chance. This happens all the time and only one person every few years wakes up when its gotten to this point."
I'm shaking, like when I'm about to phase, but I'm so cold, there's none of the heat that phasing holds. I'm ice cold.
"Just a few more days maybe. She's amazing, she's always doing things that you never expect. You have to wait! You have to-" I argue.
"Jacob." Carlisle interrupts. "She cant stay on life support forever. What makes her, her, is gone. This is just her body, she's not here."
I start crying, really crying, for the first time since getting here. They cant take her away from me.
Despite my arguments they agree to take her off life support, if she breaths on her own, great, if not, she's dead.
Its Bella and Edwards job to pull the plug, since their her legal guardians. I kneel beside Nessies bed, clutching her hand as Edwards hand shakes on the switch to the machine. His whole body is trembling, Bella's staring at her daughter with the saddest eyes I've ever seen. I can't watch Edward flip the little stick that will end her life. Instead I bury my face in Renesmee hair, right near her ear and whisper.
"Stay with me." I whisper it over and over. "I love you. I love you don't leave me. I love you."
I hear the machines go off. I keep chanting it over and over though. I know she won't hear me, but I keep saying it.
"Stay. Just stay. Stay. I love you."
A finger twitches in mine, then another. This is how it ends though, its not a sign of life. Its when all of the muscles relax and everything in her body leaves.
"Stay." I whisper one last time.
An image flicker in my mind, one of Renesmee sitting up and hugging me. 'of course.' She would whisper back. Then she would peck me on the lips and say 'of course I'll stay. I love you to.'
I shake my head to clear the image. Its not going to happen.
But wait, that wasn't absent minded dreaming. That was...
I look up.
"stay." I say again.
The image is back, this time 'I am.'
ThenRenesmee's eyes flutter open. "I am." She whispers.
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