The Untold Story of Twilight- 1

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fan Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
AS Bella fights to break free of her fathers grasp, and embarks in a great journey to win the one she loves the most. but can she decide between Edward and Jacob? or will her best friend Jessica step-in and ruin it all?!

Submitted: July 11, 2012

A A A | A A A

Submitted: July 11, 2012




Today was another day of time. i was getting ready to go to the bathroom, and shit out my insides, when i hear a knock at the window. i rushed to my window to find a fat man sitting outside it, with a disturbing smirk wide across his fat cheeks. he had several rolls under his chin, and the same for his stomach was revealed by a short half shirt what slightly covered his man boobs. it was my vampire boyfriend Edward Cullen.  
I was quite surprised, I've never seen him look so aroused in my life, with one hand on his left nipple, and the other in his shorts he let out a gut-renching hiss, he jumped 15 feet in the air and grabbed on to the nearest branch, looked up at me with his vainy contorted face and leaped forward into my window seal, he rolled twice, crashed, and ran into my bed breaking it into atom sized particles due to his immense size, he gets up with one motion and twists around with a half smile, he looks into my eyes with a slight twitch of his armpit hairs, he says a sentence that will haunt my dreams forever "Why me, Santa clause?" and aggressively screams on the top of his lungs and jumps ferociously through my ceiling, and flies away in the distance.
I looked at the giant hole in my roof, and stared blankly for awhile. but i was interrupted by the sound of something scratching at my window. Edward a presumed, and turned around to find Jacob Black, as short and African American as ever. I hobbled to the window to open it once more, and he crawled through on his hands and knees. Standing up at a enormous 3 foot 4, he hugged my knee, sobbing violently.
"what the fuck do you want?!" i hollered, grabbing him, throwing him into the air, and drop kicking him the speed of light into the wall, where he hit and splattered into a large mush of black midget. but the sound he made once he hit the wall, was horrid and loud. i knew Charlie would come up soon to investigate. 
In a panic, I started towards the bath room, I tripped continuously, bashing my face around 235,670 times in the same general proximately of 3 and half feet, I realized I has little time to wipe up his mashed up remains, so I grabbed a random spawning quart of jet fuel, poured it on his remains and attempted to light the highly flammable liquid, my father opens the door shouting "Hey, that prick down the street started fondling my lawn mower, can you clean it off?" ...I paused and threw myself into the bloody mess trying to hide what I have done, and turned with my 12 pound chin facing my father and exhaled my quiet barely recognizable words, at almost a mumble "DadIwilldoitinasecond....uhhh..doh-da-dah-BLAH!", my dad nodded at light speed where I heard his vertebrae break into a fine powder, I continued with my burning, I lite the jet fuel and his bloody remain exploded into a fire ball, blowing me through my wall into my bathroom.
Through my pain, and worry, i could hear the muffled sound of my obnoxious alarm clock ring. i had 12 seconds to get ready for school. all though my hair was a mess, and i was in nothing but a backwards thong, i rushed out the door, into the 30 degree weather of Forks, Washington, where it was raining soaking through the white cloth part of my thong, revealing EVERYTHING. i layed on my skateboard, that had a rocket engine attached, and i speeded down the road on my stomach, like a penguin. but soon enough i flew through the window of the school. glass shattered everywhere, I rolled into the class room with my two front teeth sticking out of my face, everyone looked confused to see me in my everyday attire of just a thong and a snickers bar lodged in my armpit, I walked casually to my desk seeing this  Edward kid staring at me with an intense sexual look, he was gripping on to his crotch thrusting his hips upward passed the desk while his legs where twisted around his head grasping the back wall behind him, I sit down looking forward, seeing him with my peripheral vision aggressively grunting while rubbing his belly button, I turn and look at him, he shifts his head towards me in a 180 degree rotation and says "...hi, blargflabbahshabba bella nice to reteepmechamecha flooly floo", I was confused on what he meant, and I assumed he liked me, I was falling for his triple chin-based personality and I said "Ugh...ihatetheweatherinforkswashington...Ug-uh-huhuh-blah-flabbadappa!" With my triumphant statement, and my lips twitching profusely I knew he would say yes. 
The Bell rang, it was lunch time, I walked down the hall seen Edward skip in front of me sceaming like a school girl saying "I'm a vampire, I think I don't eat" I was really confused, I couldn't tell if he was lying or telling the truth, he was running approximately mach 17 through the halls, he must be a true athlete. I felt the ground shake, people were screaming and falling into cracks opening up on the floor, the shaking was become more strong, I saw walking down the hall my 12,000 pound friend Jessica, she has a disorder where she can't poop, and she only gains weight since the day she was born, she stood 9 feet and 6 inches tall, and has a voice of a japanese girl, she yelled to get my attention "Bella-son, FIKIFAKAKWAWU MISHITUKA!!!" I awkwardly laughed assuming I had a clue of what she said, and I replyed "" Jessica looked surprised, she suddenly became extremely excited and screamed "EAHHHHH I-CHEEEWAWA! That is amazing, tell me who is it MUSAKAWAWA SHEEKITATA!" The entire student body present in the halls stared at Jessica's over whelming sized rumpus blocking half the hallway, I turned and said "...iminlovewiththisamazinglyathleticvampiricawesomedudeguycallededwardcullins.....ugh-sheepy doo-doo, ithinkhewouldn'ttapyo'ass Jessica!"  Jessica shrugged away slightly, and saw Edward chasing a butterfly in the distance, she said "I got this", her foot steps filled the room with enormous amount of damage and sound as she marched foward towards Edward, as she approaches, Edward was flapping his arms towards the butterfly flying 4 inches passed his reach screaming "uhhgghhhhhh! c'monaaah! I wanta-da-buttershit" He started to pout and sniffle, crossing his arms on his chest like a young school boy caught stealing, Jessica looks at him and says "SHIPPY-Masuki! Do you want to go out with me???" 
Edward suddenly stopped showing emotion in his face, and looked up with blood red eyes and his face clinching into itself, while his face contorted like a black hole compressed his facial features inward with his vains patruting, and sweating vigorously he said with the deepest most fearsome voice in all time "" and sprang up in 1/4 of a second and leapped into space and flew away into the sun-set... To be continued.

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