OCD: My Mental Puppeteer

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
I just want it to stop....

Submitted: February 21, 2012

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Submitted: February 21, 2012

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I suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

I didn't ask for this to happen, I never wanted it to, and I don't know why it did,

I realized I had this anxiety disorder when I was about four,

I am now fifteen,

I have lived with this practicly my entire life,

and I know exactly how it works, so now I am here to let you know what it's REALLY like, for me, and others like me,

*********

I hum loudly to myself as I try to put away my hair straightener every morning, I go quickly, to avoid being interupted, if I think I hear a sound, I have to start all over again,

It sometimes takes me twenty minutes to put on a shirt every day, because I have to keep repeating it over and over again until I believe I did it perfectly,

I'm in History class and the person behind me breathes too loudly, I have to touch my jawline and then my leg over and over again until they stop, sometimes this goes on for the whole class period, that's an hour and a half,

I hum loudly again as I pull the sheets up on my bed at night, I think I hear a slight sound from the living room and have to strip the bed and start all over again,

I scream in frustration and let the sheets drop to my feet, I fall to my knees and begin to cry, I sob about just wanting it all to stop and wanting to die because I know it won't,

*********

I can't stop it, contrary to what most people think, I just CAN'T say no to my ocd, no matter how much I want to,

It's like spasms in my brain, uncontrolable, unpredictible,

and life just seems so unfair,

all because of my ocd,

ocd, my mental puppeteer....


© Copyright 2020 alishey. All rights reserved.

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