Hair Removal

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
The decision to use hair removal cream vs shaving.

Submitted: July 07, 2011

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Submitted: July 07, 2011




For some unknown reason, today, the day after my 61st birthday, as I got into the shower, I decided that today, I would use hair removal cream versus shaving as I have for my entire life. I don't know what possessed me to do this, but I did. I saw a tube of Nair on the bathroom countertop that my granddaughter had purchased and I decided I would use it. Well, I am here to tell you that I will never, I repeat never, as long as I live use a hair removal cream again. I don't care if they no longer make razors, I will grow hair on my legs the length of the hair on my head if that's what happens, but I will not use a hair removal cream again.


I gently rubbed the cream under my arms and on my legs and all was well in Port St Lucie Florida, in my bathroom. Then just as I was prepared to rinse the excess off my hands I decided, again for some unknown reason, to use the excess on the bikini area of my legs. OH DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN !!!!!! The intense burn that followed within seconds of applications was beyond anything that I have ever felt in my life. If I were limber enough to bend over, twist my head upwards and look between my legs, I would have expected to see flames shooting out.


I looked around frantically for something, a fire extinguisher, cold compresses, anything that would relieve the pain that was burning through my skin and I was sure reaching my nerves and tendons at that moment. I shuffled open-legged to the shower and turned on the cold water and started trying to direct as much of the water as I could between my legs. In between the heavy breathing I swore I could hear the sizzle of flesh.


Once I had finished my shower, the thought of a towel, of any softness, touching that area of my body was simply unacceptable. I could feel sweat pouring off my brow as I tried frantically to think of anything that would relieve this incredible pain. In my nightstand was a jar of "udder" cream that years ago I was introduced to for keeping your feet as soft as a baby's behind. I thought, if a cow gets relief from this stuff for chapped udders, it must work wonders on human skin. I was wrong, and could not shuffle once again open-legged back to the shower and now I was dealing with a cream that is virtually water proof. Yeah, nothing was rinsing this stuff off and needless to say the renewed burn was worse than the first.


This time as I stepped out of the shower, I grabbed a small fan that served to keep us from sweating away our makeup as we applied it under intense lighting. The sound of my breathing was very similar to the sound of a pregnant woman in the last stages of natural child birth. The pain was far worse. I flopped as gracefully as I could on my bed trying not to let skin touch skin, for fear of the pieces clinging to each other and balanced the fan between my calves, turned in on high and fell back against the pillows and breathed several slow sighs as the pain began to subside.


I would like to congratulate the makers of hair removal creams. They do indeed remove hair, along with a fair amount of skin. That little tidbit of information on the container would be helpful.

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