A Deep Thought Of Memories.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
Reminiscing about the past and memories.

Submitted: August 31, 2014

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Submitted: August 31, 2014

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All it took was trust: the trust in knowing that if I took a chance in something I have never done before that it could be something I might enjoy or perhaps even change my life. When I trusted in a time of life where I was weary to, it gave me a chance to live the greatest times of my life and also the worst of times, too. Looking back at the years can always be troubling or memorable for me. It can't be anywhere in between, although I have tried like crazy and the ending result of that is a shut down of my mind. Why is that I find myself constantly chasing after memories of the past? Could it be that I knew that these memories were ones that were never meant to be? Memories that were made by taking a risk and others that seem to be happen by itself? Memories that give me so many emotions when I think about them?

Out of all the memories, there are ones that automatically take a toll on the control board of  my emotions. It's more than a memory: It's a man who had came into my life unexpectedly and left the world that way, too. A man that gave me these memories that I hold onto so strongly today. The memory of him is the one that is can make me smile, yet cry tears at the same time.

These memories are ones that just don't go away, no matter how you may try to get them to go away. They will sneak up on you: They come to you when you are looking at a picture or if a favorite song of the past starts to play. We often trigger the memories by ourselves in the desire of reminiscing and perhaps, if the memory was a happy one, it would be the one to brighten our days when it was a dark one. Memories are a beautiful thing and even though we have the bad ones to haunt us, the haunting of them are a reminder that we have made it through them alive. Yes, it was a rocky road for some and it was a new experience for others. No matter how you may label these memories, it is important to hold on them because all memories are the reminder of something that took a big part of our life, whether it was painful to go through or not.  The power of a memory is strong. It speaks to us in various ways and we don't realize that they are the closest thing we ever have to reliving the past. Our memories are our own time machine. Even though it doesn't it physically put us in the past and even though we don't have the chance to change things, our feelings and emotions make the memory so strong that it is almost as we are there again. These are the kinds we should cherish the most and not try to throw them away. We should not question why it happened this way and not that way. Be grateful for what you are able to take in from these memories. No matter what kind of feeling it may give you, it is important to know that it can make you see what it is you have gone through in life. The memories are the highlights, the highlights of our lives. We can tend to live in the moment during the highlights of our lives. I was living in the moment more than I was realizing it. I thought there was going to be plenty of time to make more moments, especially with the one who I took a chance with.

I don't regret taking that chance, nor do I regret the "wasted time" I have spent with him. I thank my memories of giving me the power to remember the smile that was the one that lightened up my eyes, the power it gives me on knowing that I had such a beautiful person in my life. Do I wish the ones that remind me so strongly of what I had, since I no longer have him in my life, away? Maybe I do sometimes, however, I know that they are going to stay no matter what. I love the memories of him, despite the fact that they make me cry and anger me when I feel blue. I love the memories and I love that the memories are a reminder that I loved him. I don't question on where his love stood with me, I only question on what memory shows me where he loved me the most. I know in my heart that he loved me more then any other man has before. Every dance that we have shared, every smile and every cry, every departure and every arrival, every fight and every apology, every laugh and every scoff, were a beautiful thing to me. The good times were beautiful then and the still are now. The bad times I remember are upsetting, yet they are something beautiful to me because the memories make me remember that it was him that was standing there making the memory there with me. These memories are the ones that I live with everyday, just as he was a part of my life everyday once before. I miss him more than words could ever describe and I will do everything I can for the memories of him and the memory of our love live on as long as it can. When someone new comes along in my life that I can make more special moments with, I will make sure to the share the stories of my past: the memories  that I made with the man who defined what a special memory really was about and how beautiful the memory of him is to me. As I tell these stories to him, if there is ever I chance that I cry or laugh while telling them, I hope he can understand that memories of him are so special to me... And just maybe, if he shows me that he does understand, that will be the first memory of a new chapter in my life. 


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