The Prank

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic
Being an undead wizard is challenging in and of itself. It is even harder when you are cursed and staying with two other wizards, who not only show a lack of fear and any kind of respect.

Submitted: December 30, 2014

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Submitted: December 30, 2014

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~The Prank
 
 I awoke with a start.
 “Hush! Tallon.  He’s waking,” a voice belonging to Nikodemus spoke.  Oh no,not again.  I wonder what they did this time.
 Since my arrival at the Great Magical Tower in the middle of Portstown, I have had this curse.  If I remain active for more than three cycles of the sun without any kind of rest, like a meditative state, I will lose all consciousness for one solid cycle of the sun with no way of being awoken in that time.I am a lich, an undead wizard.  I am noting but bones, woven together by my own power and the magic that I manipulate.  To lose consciousness could be the end of my existence in multiple ways.  Unlike other liches, I no longer have a phylactery, the vessel in which a lich keeps his soul hidden away.  No, I, Malhavoc, the dread necromancer of Kruskusa, was trapped in my own body, because my phylactery was destroyed and not my body, and to make matters worse, I was given this blasted curse.  It is the most opportune time for someone to destroy me, because I cannot fight back.  I do not know where my soul goes during this time when I am not conscious, but I am certain that if my body was destroyed, while I am not with it, then my soul would end up in the Netherworld for my just punishment.
 Nikodemus and Tallon, his apprentice knew of my vulnerability.  They knew if they destroyed my body, I would not be able to return to this world.  They were both “good” people.  The law abiding bit I am not too sure about.  Many things in the tower got there in a not too lawful way.  All the same, I am a monster associated with the evils of the world, and Nikodemus, the steward of the tower, not only invited me to stay here to study and regain my power, but he seems to take care of me when I go into this state instead of taking the chance to ridding the world of a horror.  Could it be because I am a guest here?  He did, after all, invite me to stay here.  Was he bound by magic to keep the ways of the proper host?
 Coming back to myself, I found that I was in that soft bed in my room at the tower.  The last thing I remembered was studying a complicated spell in the tower’s library.  Now, I was in the bed with heavy, warm blankets pulled over my body.  Because I was sorely aware of a sense of feel on my bones because of my banishment to this body, I could feel everything.  The touch of cloth against my bones, the tingle of magic in the air, warmth and cold, comfort and pain were intense for me.  All the same, these people here seemed to be intent upon keeping me comfortable instead of causing me pain.  Although I argued about the bed in my room, Nikodemus, the steward of the tower, was insistent.  Waking in a warm, comfortable bed, I had to admit was quite pleasant if illogical.  Yet, magic was that way.  It made the illogical possible.  This was why I was still here in the World of the Living.  All the same, my body did not generate warmth, so that condition had to be some kind of spell as well.  Despite this, I still would preferred not move and stay in this cocoon, but I was a lich, and I had work to get done.
 Sitting up, the blankets fell away to my waist.  Looking down, I saw that I wore a plain, white gown.  Dropping my shoulders, I shook my head.  I really wished that Nikodemus and Tallon would not bother undressing me, then dress me for bed.  When I was in this state, I did not move.  I would not wrinkle or mess up my normal robes.  After all, it was not like I went to sleep or dreamed.  It was almost like I was an actual corpse, except my bones did stay adhered to each other.  I guess if they had not, I would wake naked in a box or something of the like.  Not only that, I was not sure if Nikodemus and Tallon could figure out how to put me back together correctly.  Likely, I would have a hand for my jaw and a foot in my eye socket.  Besides, I seriously doubted that my cohorts would put the pieces together in a sleeping gown.  Of course, given some of Nikodemus’ interesting activities, it might happen.
 Nikodemus had some peculiar ideas of spending his time.  He did have the habit of playing a strange game called ping pong with a vassa nut.  One must understand the nature of such a nut.  It had a very explosive nature when hit the right way.  Although I could appreciate a nice explosive blast, I would not want to be the center of it.  The wizard and his apprentice tried to show me how to play, but I have better things to do with my time.  What I gathered was the winner of the game was the one that made the nut explode.  Tallon would contain the explosion enough to create an impressive light show but nothing worse.  Bah!  What was the point!
 All the same, I really wished they would leave my incapacitated body where it fell . . . usually face forward in a book.  After all, I ended up like that more than a few times when I was mortal.  I am certain that I could handle it as a lich.  Honestly, I wanted them to leave my dead body alone.
 I woke up one time with one of Marissa’s silken negligee on.  Another time, I took off the gown to dress in my robes to find my empty rib cage stuffed full with beckra flowers.  I smelled like a strumpet for a week afterwards no matter what I did to get rid of the scent.  Another time, I awoke to find interesting drawings and literature was scrawled on my bones.  The subject matter was something that would make a priestess of the goddess Squezmette blush.  I was not fond of bathing as a human.  Most of that had to do with Kruskusa was covered with snow and ice three quarters of the year.  Being a dead necromancer, cleanliness was not one of my top priorities.  All the same, I refused to be a walking piece of visual entertainment for the residents of the tower.
 With an aching feeling crawling up my spine, I pulled up my sleeves of my gown to find clean ivory bones.  Dropping back to the pillows, I looked at the ceiling.  Although I knew I was not in the clear yet, I allowed my bones to relax.  Finally, I prepared myself to get out of bed, get dressed in my proper black, and get back to work.  Suddenly, a chill ran through me.  The snapping sound like brittle bones being broken by ghoul, seeking the marrow within, made me sit up straight and rigid.  Scratching like rats in the wall made me stiffen more.  There is nothing worse in this world than bloody rats!  I would have preferred the ghouls!  If I could obliterate every rat with one blast (and take a few other creatures with them), I would.  I never had much use for the abominable rodents as a mortal man.  After I meet my demise at their fangs, I had a less of a use for them. 
 I knew in my soul that the sound was much closer than the walls.  A tickle between the long bones of my left leg made ice run up into my body.  Clenching my jaw tightly, I knew, but I did not want to reveal the evidence.  Grabbing hold of the blankets in a death grip, I paused.  My will froze my limbs more solid than an avalanche of snow could.  If I could just pull my legs out without looking, then I would not have to face the awful truth, yes?  Pressing in on the naive part of my mind, I tried to convince myself that I was only thinking the worse of my cohorts.  I felt the delicate scratch of miniature claws go further up on my leg bone.  With an undignified yelp and a forced extreme effort, I overcame my immobility and threw back the covers.
 There they were!  The brown, furry, little devils scrambled around and among seeds and dried corn .  With a sheer scream, I pulled my legs away from the atrocities with a speed thought impossible for a corpse.  Somehow, I ended up clinging to the head board of the bed.  I could not sort my thoughts and organize my spells.  I dared not move my left hand to work the magic around me and banish the monsters.
 “I won!” I heard Tallon’s voice announce through guffaws of laughter.  Regaining his breath, he added. “Told you that gerbils would scare him.  Pay up!”
 The young human apprentice Tallon entered my room.  The dark skinned elvish wizard Nikodemus followed him.  Shrugging, Nikodemus tossed to his apprentice a pouch that jingled with coins.  The young man caught it easily and pocketed it.  With a grin of mischief, he gave me a glance.  Then, he scooped up the disgusting beasts from my bed and, thankfully, he took them from the room.
 Looking up at me, Nikodemus spread a wide smile.  “You can come down now.  There were only three of them.”  Letting the tension release from my back, I gingerly climbed back down into the bed.  Holding his belly, he let go a full laugh.  “It is going to take some thinking to come up with a prank better than this one next time!”
 Grabbing my black robes from the chair, I turned on him.  “I hate you,” I growled.
 He only laughed harder.  A dark twinkle lit his eyes, as he turned to leave me to myself again. 

 


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