a simple thought

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Religion and Spirituality  |  House: Booksie Classic
a story about self perseverance, happiness, and joy.

Submitted: January 17, 2012

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Submitted: January 17, 2012

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i had this image today. i imagined myself way down deep in this dark hole. the bottom was smelly and there was an inch of water that i was sitting in. it was cold, damp and uncomfortable. and there i was, a mess, just sitting there in the fetal position crying my eyes out. tears of anger and hate. and then, way up in the distance, barley visible, was this tiny stream of light. almost a pinprick. and slowly my tears began to subside. a new light of hope had gone through me. But that wasn’t even the best part. out of the tiny beam of light came a ladder. i had no idea what it would lead me to, and i had no idea how hard it would be to climb to the top, but i suppose i figured trying would be the only way to get out of this hole. so i did, and i climbed for what seemed like years. and it wasn’t like climbing any old ladder, because each step i took on this ladder something different happened. one step i took broke, and i dangled there for a minute, wandering if i was gonna fall right back into the hole i was trying so hard to escape from, but i used my strength and put my foot on the next step. and the moment i did, a tear came to my cheek. the feeling i got when i stepped onto it, was one of pure love and joy. one of self perseverance. and i cried because of how long it had been since i had ever felt such a feeling. they were, for once, tears of joy. for a moment i thought, “why move from this spot, i want to feel this feeling forever,” but at the same moment, i wanted to move forward. if i could feel this great, how wonderful it would be to feel even better than this, by reaching the top. i felt that reaching the top would give me every answer i needed. I was hesitant, and scared to move forward, i knew that more of those steps that made me so scared to fall to the bottom again would be there. but reaching the top kept me going. and in this vision i was having, it didn’t take one day to climb all the way to the top. it took years. i pushed and pushed. and at times i wanted to give up. but every so often a step of love and happiness would take place, and remind me just what i was fighting for. 

and then.. i imagined getting to the top. the grass was green, and there was an open view of the sky. it was almost like i was seeing all this for the first time. i climbed on to the ground, and sat on the edge of the hole. my feet dangling into it, as if all of a sudden i had no fear of falling back in anymore. and once i realized how this fear was gone, i cried. i cried just as hard as i did when i was at the bottom. except the only difference was that it wasn’t full of anger and hate. it was full of joy and happiness. i felt like i couldn’t get enough satisfaction from just sitting on the ground, and remembering every step it took to get to that spot that i was sitting in. the love i had for myself exploded. i knew that it was only me that got to that spot. it took me to get there, and i did it. just knowing that i had it in me. i felt stronger than i ever had. 

after i was done weeping, and became in a state of self satisfaction, i got the guts to look back down into what i had just triumphed over crawling out of. i saw a vision of me. a vision of darkness and self hate. i saw how horrible my life could have been had i not taken the chance to climb the ladder, and to not give up. and then, i felt sorry for that person, because surly it wasn’t me i was looking at. not the me i had just become. soon after looking at this horrible vision of ‘the old me,’ i stood up, and walked away from that dark hole. and as i did, it began to close behind me, erasing the fact that it was ever there. and once the ground was closed up, and small stone appeared on the ground in it’s place, and on the stone it said:

“here lies the darkness of Riley that is no longer with us, but please, hold no regret, for a new part of her has replaced it, her self-loving triumph into light.”


© Copyright 2020 alwayswishing. All rights reserved.

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