You Love a Man Who Doesn't Give a Sh*t About You...

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
"You love a man who doesn't give a shit about you," says the man I love who doesn't give a shit about me. But how could I possibly know that, when his contradictory actions and words have confused me to the depths of hell and back?

Submitted: April 14, 2016

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Submitted: April 14, 2016

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"You love a man who doesn't give a shit about you," says the man I love who doesn't give a shit about me. But how could I possibly know that, when his contradictory actions and words have confused me to the depths of hell and back?

THIS coming from a "man" who gets mad when I give my ex another chance because he says I'm giving an unworthy person my time and trying to relive memories of a person who no longer exists. THIS coming from a "man" who gets jealous and enraged over the new interest I've set my sights on because he claims they're the worst kind of player and all they'll do is hurt me-I deserve better. 

He says I should make myself happy and stop worrying about everyone else for once. He says I should stand up for myself and what I deserve. Well, maybe I should take his advice. For once, I should see it clearly. 

Maybe I shouldn't give HIM, an unworthy person, my time because I'm reliving a nightmare each of the countless times I've allowed his childish games back into my life. Maybe I should have realized HE was the player and all he ever did was hurt me. 

But then again, maybe he does "give a shit about me" since he cares enough to stick his nose in my business. Maybe he's just too much of a child to admit to having adult feelings and runs at the first sight of having to face them. 

Children come up with excuses for their incapacities. Men own them and see them through, until a solution is discovered, or strength to face them with eyes wide open is solicited. 

He has uncovered all my insecurities and flaws simply because he was insecure and flawed within himself. As far as I can see, my greatest flaw is that I choose to see the good in people, him especially. If my heart is so innocent, how could his be so tainted, and I be so blind to it? Deception. The only real answer.

Our generation has become complacent in not having to make a choice. There are so many options, even when we have made a choice on someone we know is right for us, the temptation to explore another is far too great to refuse. Love is expendable because there'll always be a back-up plan waiting. 

Maybe that's how he wants to live his life, but I've decided on a different fait.

To the man I love who doesn't give a shit about me: I feel sorry for you. You had a woman who would have loved you for all of time. A woman who saw your flaws and insecurities but would have cherished and embraced them every moment of every day.I hope the regret doesn't completely consume you when you're 65 and looking back on you're life's mistakes and the one thing you can't get over is the look in my eye when I'd smile at you adoringly. I hope the chance you took on the options at hand were worth the greatest loss of a lifetime, me. But most of all, I hope the man I love finds someone else who will actually gives a shit about him. 


© Copyright 2017 Amanda Simonelli. All rights reserved.

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