Memories are haunting thoughts, not reality

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Literary Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
An abused, and mentally tortured girl-finally finding love, a home, and learning to live again.

Submitted: January 21, 2015

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Submitted: January 21, 2015

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Section One: Her Memories

When her father said “trust me” that first time, she did. She put her soul into him. Told him her secrets, depended on him to be there for her…but he never was.

When she searched for faces in the crowd… his was never there.

She hurt, but clung on. Believing that her daddy would come save the day, believing that he was proud of her, and wanted her.

It’s how she grew up, she knew no different. All she knew was absent minded pain. Thinking everyone dealt with the same shrieks that she did at night. Thinking that all bruises had the same story as hers. It was “common” and “acceptable” in her young mind.

She did nothing to deserve the life she was given… yet it was still handed to her.

Growing up thinking that abuse was normal.

A little girl’s brain was ruined in young, short, innocent years. And when she realized her life wasn’t normal… she broke. She learned things other little kids would find out in their thirties! Her mind matured twistedly, and distorted.  Her thoughts became destructive, and her self-esteem was gone.

While other little girls could play on the playground and tell secrets, and have little crushes, and be normal, she would stay inside. Watching them enjoy their childhood, because hers, hers was over. She couldn’t trust anyone. Not a soul. And when others approached her, trying to create a friendship, her wall went up, and blocked them out.

It was mainly against men. This anger inside her. She thought that all males were the same as her torturer.

But… she was a girl, a girl who had a heart, and while growing up… that corrupted heart… started beating. And she hated it, she wanted to make it stop. She wanted to make the feelings go away before another wreck happened. But they didn’t leave… only grew stronger. And before she knew it, she was holding someone’s hand, she was whispering words of love, and she was dazed in a bright light that for once made her feel wanted, and beautiful.

She could laugh again, feel safe….feel needed. And this boy that held her, became her world. She woke up simply so that she could see him smiling. She found paths that made her bump into him once a day so they could chat for just 10 seconds. That’s all she ever needed, just ten seconds of someone’s time.

She had finally found someone she could talk to, someone she was comfortable with. But her one fear… was her lover being taken away from her.

This new boy in her life promised her forever, and she was so doubtful…. and because of her insecurities, she was unknowingly pushing him away.

Section two: Her current life, written down in her own perspective

Dear Diary (May 5th),

Zac ignored me again today. I went to say hello, and he turned his back on me. I’m so confused, I don’t know what I did to make him go against me. And I’m scared. I’m scared that he will leave me all alone. And the worst part is… he won’t even listen to me long enough to ask why. We still text, and it worries me because we text like everything is fine and dandy. But I know it isn’t. I know something is wrong, I just wish he’d tell me what.

I’ll continue on later, sincerely, Annie<3

Dear diary (May 7th),

PTSD. I found out. PTSD.

Zac has post-traumatic stress disorder, and its tearing him away from me. But I told him I’d help. I told him I’d always be there for him, and at first, he didn’t believe me at all. He was so hurt that he didn’t think it was possible for him to ever be happy again.

But he started to believe me once I called him. I told him that no matter what, and whatever mood, I’d always listen to his haunting thoughts. And I think that because he could actually hear me tell him id help, he believed that I would help, as promised.

I’ll continue on later, sincerely, Annie<3

Dear Diary (October 2nd)

So Zac and I started talking again (in person), and opened up to each other more than we ever had before. He found out about my childhood, and he told me all his stories. It brought us closer, and he crushed all the insecurities that my father had once created in my childhood.

I feel safe now. And it is so relieving. I don’t need to hide… anything anymore. I can’t even explain how nice that is. And to know that Zac isn’t leaving like most people have in my life… that’s joyous.

People ask how I can bounce back like that, and how I know he won’t leave me. And my answer is because… well… I’ve given him a part of me, and he’s given me a part of him. It was an even trade that now keeps us solid.

I’ll continue on later, sincerely, Annie<3

Section Three: Zac’s perspective

Annie looks better. Happy, brighter, fuller of life. Confident, that’s the word. She’s confident. And I love to see it, I mean, it’s a nice change to see a girl that once was deeply depressed, now turn into a light. She’s my light. And I never want to see her fade again.

Section Four: Skip many years, and view her

She turned eighteen, and she was set free. No more troubles or worries for that young women. Because that year, she was adult. She could leave, go to college, or just do anything she could possibly imagine. And her choice? Her choice was to travel the world with her lover at her side. To go look at astonishing, burgundy sunsets, and crystal, foamy waterfalls. She wanted to see the beauty in the world that she never noticed in her younger years. She wanted to experience feeling life, feeling the world breath… so, that’s exactly what she did. In fact, she became a photographer. When she was moved by something caught by sight, she’d take a little ‘snap’ and then sit, and enjoy. Experience the moment. That’s all she ever wanted, to feel, to understand… to breath.


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