Is it over?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
A snippet from the thoughts that torment a girl who lies in fear of losing her beloved.

Submitted: November 12, 2010

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Submitted: November 12, 2010

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Is it over?

 

‘I already changed my mind’, he uttered before he slammed down the phone.

Here we go again, I thought. Maybe it’s one of them fights; you know those which last just a few hours. But as the minutes pass, my heart sinks deeper in its pits, down towards the thorns which threaten to break it.  Whenever we fight, I always feel the sense of desperation that our relationship is over. Yet, at the same time, hope that we still love each other, despite it all, surfaces.

I love him so much. He is another part of me. So integral is he in my life that he almost makes me believe that sole mates exist.

To be honest, I am still not sure whether they do. But when I am with him, I feel that I can be myself. I am not afraid to show him who I am. He knows the real me, the weak side of my character.

We are so close that it is almost as if we’re family. Our connection is so strong that at times I fear that my love for him is the same as the love of a brother. This thought usually always disappears every time I feel his lips on mine or when he looks at me with passion in his eyes.

The feelings that he arouses in me are like no others that I ever felt. He makes me want to give him all that I got; the key to the whole package: heart, body and soul. This is not something I felt with any other boyfriend.

From the very first time he kissed me I knew it was different. His kiss was completely out of this world. I was sitting on his lap when he trailed kisses from my forehead until he reached my lips. At first, he pressed his lips gently to mine but then somehow the kiss turned really passionate.

I found myself responding to him without even knowing it. I almost expected to see fireworks in the sky as they do in movies. Our first kiss was that beautiful.  

When it ended, he held me tight and I rested my head on his shoulder. I remember tears falling down my cheeks. They were not tears of sadness but tears of rejoice.  I knew that I had found the one. Even back then, I felt that I could not bear it if we were not together.

The months following that kiss were the best of my whole life. He was by all means the perfect boyfriend. He cared so much for me. He used to wait up for me for hours at college even when he had no lectures just so that we can be together. He was not embarrassed to kiss me in public. He kissed me almost everywhere we went: on the bus, in the streets, in clubs, cinemas and even in the college corridors.

Sometimes, he carried me around bridal style, which was so hilarious. In the beginning of our relationship, a strong bond between us was formed. I fear the hold that he has on me. He has the ability to destroy me with a couple of hateful words.

As much as I fear it, this same hold also makes me want to stay with him for the rest of my life. Ever since our first kiss, I was already dreaming of him and me being together forever. I imagined us as a married couple with kids, living in our dream home.

But now my dream seems plain silly. We fight so much more and display of affection is to a minimum.Our fights and arguments drain my very being.

They transform me into a lifeless creature awaiting the end of life. It is then, in my basest form and no longer blinded by that when seems perfect, that I realize that nothing is secure is this world. Not even a love as great as ours.

 

 


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