Fuck You Wifi

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
A poem about the wifi going out last night. I'm not this violent, I was just really frustrated.

Submitted: December 23, 2012

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Submitted: December 23, 2012

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FUCK YOU WIFI
YOU DONT EVEN FUCKING WORK FOR 3 FUCKING HOURS
LIKE WTF WHOSE WIFI GOES OUT AT 11 PM? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I FUCKING PAY GOOD MONEY FOR YOUR INTERNET CONNECTION
WELL NOT REALLY BECAUSE IM STEALING YOU FROM THE NEIGHBORS
BUT THAT IS BESIDES THE POINT -
*SOMEONE* IS PAYING GOOD MONEY FOR YOUR SHIT
AND ALL I WANNA DO IS TALK TO MY FRIEND
WHO MAY OR MAY NOT BE MISHA COLLINS
BUT I WILL NEVER KNOW BECAUSE OF YOU, WIFI
AND I CANT EVEN TELL HER THAT I CANT TALK RIGHT NOW BECAUSE OF MY SHITTY INTERNET CONNECTION
BECAUSE OF YOU, WIFI, YOU INSIGNIFICANT STREAK OF BIRD SHIT
AND FUCK YOU WIFI
DONT YOU LIE TO MY FACE,
YOU SAY YOUR CONNECTED BUT WE BOTH KNOW YOU'VE BEEN GONE SINCE THE MOMENT I LOGGED ON
AND FUCK YOU WIFI
BECAUSE THIS POEM DOESNT RHYME OR HAVE ANY SIGNIFICANT MEANING OTHER THAN MY HATE FOR YOU
AND FUCK YOU WIFI
CUZ YOU'RE PROBABLY THE REASON MY PARENTS ARE DIVORCED,
AND THAT I TRIPPED DOWN THE STAIRS THIS MORNING,
EVEN THOUGH THEY GOT DIVORCED LIKE 18 YEARS AGO AND THAT THE INTERNET CONNECTION COULDNT POSSIBLY HAVE AFFECTED MY LEGS' FAILED ATTEMPT TO GO DOWN STAIRS, BUT THATS BESIDES THE FUCKING POINT
AND FUCK YOU WIFI,
IT IS YOUR FAULT, THIS IS IN COMIC SANS FOR YOU
I SWEAR, WIFI, IF YOU DONT START WORKING
I WILL FIND WHOEVER USER "BLACKPOISON" IS
AND BITE HIS THUMBS OFF, AND THROUGH HIS STUBS, SUCK ALL OF THE BLOOD OUT OF HIS BODY,
OR TEEPEE HIS HOUSE REALLY WELL SO THAT IT LOOKS LIKE IT SNOWED,
SOMETHING LIKE THAT,I DONT KNOW WHAT THE PROPER ETIQUETTE OF WIFI-RELATED VANDALISM IS,DAMNIT,
IF I COULD STRANGLE A WIRELESS CONNECTION, KNOW THAT I WOULD STRANGLE YOU UNTIL YOU DIED 7 TIMES. YES 7. IT IS A SPECIFIC NUMBER, I KNOW. BUT I AM A SPECIFIC KIND OF PERSON. FUCK YOU WIFI, I DONT NEED TO EXPLAIN MY CHOICES TO YOU
GOD, WIFI, DONT YOU UNDERSTAND?
I JUST WANT TO GO ON TUMBLR?
IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?
I'M NOT ASKING FOR FACEBOOK, OR INSTAGRAM, OR TWITTER, OR YOUTUBE
JUST TUMBLR, ONLY TUMBLR,
I SHOULD BE LITERARY AND END THIS POEM THE WAY IT STARTED
LIKE A SANDWICH (NO, IM NOT HUNGRY, I JUST MADE A REALLY BAD METAPHOR OR SIMILE OR SOMETHING I DONT FUCKING KNOW BECAUSE I CANT FUCKING GOOGLE IT)
WIFI YOU FUCK


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