AM I SO CRUEL?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Commercial Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

This is the story of a dog. This is a heart-touching story which makes tears fall from any nature-loving person.

I am Pavithra and I'm studying in seventh standard.

That day my parents had gone for a marriage. My sister and I were ony there at our home. In the evening , my sister went to have a bath. I was gardening . The breeze was hugging me and the plants were kissing me. Everything was perfect till I saw a dog waking slowly to my courtyard. I felt like screaming. It was coming towards me. "You should do something" - someone murmered inside my mind. No more time to run . I picked up a stone and pretended to throw it at the dog. It started to run; but round my home. I ran behind it with a stone. Ah! A foul smell was given off its body. This process continued till it sat under a tree. On seeing me behind, it started to run. Thirsty fellow! It tried to drink water from a bucket. That bucket was really colourful and useful . What if a dog touches it? So I made it run from there. Finally, the dog ran away.I continued my work thinking I had done a job of great appreciation.

The next day , from a conversation with my friend , I realized the fact that the dog was dead. i couldn't stop mysef from crying. I ran to my home. At my home, I cried in large sobs. I felt ashamed of myself . That poor thing came to my home in his last few minutes. Why did I made it run? I did not even allow it to drink some water. Am I so cruel? Am I the same girl who used to say that animals are our best friends?

Thus saying Shreya stopped her story and jumped from the stage . The audience were wiping their tears and some housewives were still crying. In a couple of hours the winner of the story telling competition was announced.Thus went the announcement - " the winner of the story telling competition is ... Shreya. Sankar who said the story of a dog ; the story of humanity" . Everyone started to clap except her jealous friends. In the midst of the claps , Shreya walked to the stage with a bit of pride shown on her face. After receiving the certificate from the Principal , she walked to her parents happily. Still we could hear large sounds of claps..


Submitted: December 19, 2014

© Copyright 2021 ammalu. All rights reserved.

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Comments

ammalu

pls read this

Fri, December 19th, 2014 8:45am

Jonah Ryan

i liked the concept behind your story but I would suggest you change the way it is written. When you read it, it reads very much like a list. I did this. I did that. The dog did this. Then I did this... it sounds like you're just reading off items from a shopping list. Instead, try and phrase the sentences a little differently, for example "Shreya stopped her story and saw the audience in tears." It conveys the same message and uses less words (which is always good). The rule in writing (for the most part) is to show your audience what is going on, do not tell them... make them feel like they're watching a TV show in their mind.. don't make them feel like they are just checking items off a list as they read each sentence, instead pull them through the story, giving them no choice but to read the next sentence. That would be my advice, so do what you will with it. All in all though, I thought the concept behind your story was fantastic, especially the feelings of dread and guilt that come with the ending. Keep up the good work. (Sorry, I have a tendency to ramble when I read something I like.)

Sat, December 27th, 2014 3:26pm

Author
Reply

Thanks for your kind information. Next time I'll be careful to follow what you have said. Please can you follow me on my facebook www.facebook.com/snapsbysn

Tue, January 20th, 2015 4:22am

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