The Creation of Man. . . and Woman (Part One - Childbirth)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
This essay takes a comical look at the creation of the first man and woman, Adam and Eve. It is from my blog. Wishiwerefunny.wordpress.com which you can find a link to on my profile.

Submitted: March 08, 2009

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Submitted: March 08, 2009

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So the dinosaurs had been a washout. God had come to a conclusion: Just because something looks cool, doesn't mean its going to be a good idea. They had had no concept of authority and had just gone their own way. God wanted to create a race that would fear, yet respect him. Kind of like a teacher that is super strict but gets you good grades. But on a more holy scale.

Thus, the humans were dreamt up.

So he created the first two humans. Adam and Eve. Between them they were to craft the new race that had been dreamt up by God. The humans. And while Adam and Eve would be of the same race. There would be differences between them, marking them as different sub-sections of the human-race. These differences were to be covered up at all times - with leaves until the first Topman was invented - to make it hard for anyone to know which gender was which.

So God called Adam and Eve into his throne room for an initial briefing before he sent them off to Earth where he had especially prepared the Garden of Eden for them.

"Now then!" God said in his naturally booming voice, "I have thought long and hard about how you shall reproduce and continue your race and I have decided that only one of you can have the miracle of childbirth. After thinking long and hard, I have decided to give this gift to, Adam, and all men after him."

Adam wooped and jumped and down, excited to be given such a gift. However after several seconds of gleeful jumping around Adam paused to think. Then he asked God what exactly this entailed.

God leant forward and whispered in Adam's ear.

"Woooahhh there!" Shouted Adam, clutching the leaf in between his leg, "Are you mad?! I really don't feel like that part of my anatomy lends itself to this childbirth thing. In fact I think it might just destroy my manhood, which I think would rather negate this wonderful gift you have given to men."

"Really?" Asked God, puzzled, "well I suppose I could make it so the baby was born through the mouth."

Adam stared at God, baffled, "well no! yes that would give the baby slightly more leeway to exit but I'm still forseeing several problems. Most of them involving grave harm coming to me, for instance when my jaw is destroyed, or the baby, for instance when I bite its head off. No I'm sorry God I really think your going to have to think of a better method than that.

God was very upset. He had thought long and hard about how he could continue the human line and if Adam didn't like this idea then he would have to go right back to the drawing board.

Luckily for Adam and God, there was one saviour in the room.

Eve rolled her eyes, "I'll do it," she said.


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