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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic


Submitted: February 11, 2012

A A A | A A A

Submitted: February 11, 2012








He saw her. She saw him. Their eyes met once and the boy sprung upon her with all his might.



“Do I know you?”
“No! Not at all”

“Who are you then?!”

“I am a vampire”

“Excuse me?!”

“My name is Bholy! That's 'bho' with the 'ho' spelt like hoe and ly spelt like lie.”


"I am waiting!"

"Waiting for what?! Is this a pickupline? cause it's so lame and sleazy"

"i am not hitting on you. i am waiting for you to introduce yourself! I think it's fair to expect something from you so that we could get to know each other for a brief period of this train journey!" 

"You sound like an alien in a sci fi movie which has come to earth to share intelligence! and if you still think all this is an act to get my number, i think you are ringing the wrong bell" 

"i know that believing people is quite tricky. you could just give it a try i guess and just so you know. i am not an alien.  i am just a friendly vampire expecting a friendly conversation from a fellow human being" 

“Don’t hit on me?”

“I am not hitting on you!”

“Then what’s this all about?
“I don’t understand mam!”

“Is this some kind of a sick joke? Is there a camera around here somewhere?”


“Then what is all this?!”

“I really don’t understand mam!”

“Why don’t you do the blood sucking on someone else’s life?”

“Don’t be so shallow mam! There are more interesting and happening things in our lives other than blood! Please try to show some respect!”

“Are you nuts?! Did you lose your family to some hysterical psycho killer that the depression made you into an irritating fanatic?”

“No I am just a normal vampire”

“And what you are doing to me is normally a vampire routine?”

 “Our routine is like yours mam. We people are very much like you. Talking, socializing, family etc….”

“All I could ask you is to please stay away from me. I have had a very rough day and I don’t want a vampire to hit on me ri……”

“I am not hitting on you. I was just trying to make conversation…you know trying to break the silence”

“There are hundreds of people over here whom you can talk to…please you don’t know what I have been through”

“Ok. Ok. Chill! Chill! I talked to you because you are sitting next to me….. If I could be of any help, please let me know”

“How could you possibly be of any help to me? Do you even know me?!”

“No mam! But anyone could lend a helping hand when it comes to showing a little love and care”


The girl stared at the boy with her mouth open. She then sprung upon him with all her might.


“He send you isn’t it?”
“No. He didn’t”

“Aha! You are lying!”

“No I am not”

“You are! You are! You are acting so cold and sober just like a serial killer who weighs his answers. That’s what he’s like…. Look at me! I am telling you about him! You already know him very well as he is the one who send you”

“No he didn’t”

“So ‘he’ didn’t send you?”

“No he didn’t”

“Who is ‘he’ to you?”
“I don’t know mam”

“So what you are saying is you don’t know the ‘he’ that I am talking about?”

“Mam. I am so sorry. I should have not disturbed you. I will not disturb you hereafter. I promise”

“See a man who really doesn’t know ‘him’ would reply after so many nagging questions as ‘who the hell is he mam?’ with anger and frustration, curiosity sky rocketing within his bloody mind, dying to know the guy who is giving me so problems in the form of a woman whom I just met and tried to socialize with?  So it clearly shows that you know him very well”

“It was a genuine answer. A plain one mam. I don’t know him!”

“See I have read books on psychology and interrogations. It clearly says that a normal human mind would revolt itself on such nagging questions”

“That would have been books on the human mind mam. I am a vampire. So doesn’t count”

“Seriously…do you want to play this game?”

“I am not playing any games mam.”

“Now quit it all and tell me. Where is he hiding?”

“No one is hiding over he…. Look here it was nice talking to you. I have to leave!”

“Stop it right there mister!”

“Leave my shirt lady”

“Who are you?”

“I already told you. I am a vampire”

“Oh cut the crap and tell me who you really are?”

“Lady I told you! I am a vampire”

“Look here! I seriously am this bloody close to taking you to the police and I won’t even give a second thought about pressing charges against you for assault, manhandling and rape. Now tell me? Why the hell did he send you? Did he want me to get embarrassed when you bad mouth me in public for what I have not done?”

“Seriously lady! It was my fault. I went for a blood bath party and while coming back home, I thought I could entertain myself with some socializing! I have the habit of talking to strangers while I am on a train ride! And this was a bad idea and there is no need to call the police right now, as I will leave you alone right this moment”

“Not so fast boy. I am not going to leave you until you tell me the truth”

“I have already told you my intentions in starting a conversation with you! That’s the wholesome truth!”

“No you are no….”

“MAM! Leave me alone! Please!”

“I am calling the police…..”

“No! don’t”

“If you are an innocent person and you don’t know who he is, then why should you even be afraid of confronting the police?”

“Because as I already told you….. I am a vampire”
“Why are you suddenly whispering? Is this vampire thing some kind of a code word?”

“No! That is what I am. I am a vampire mam”

“Whispering again Hahn! You definitely gotta know him”

“This is so ridiculous. Lycans are bett……..”

“Lycans?! What’s that? Is that another code word?!”


“No it’s nothing. If you don’t tell me what Lycans are, I will call the police”

“Ok! Ok! Damn! Lycans are our greatest enemy”

“Yah! Our greatest enemy. Vampire’s greatest enemy!”

“Again with the vampire thing! Ok one at a time! What does the word vampire mean?”

“You have gotta be kidding me mam…..Vampires are the most famous creatures, that you people would disguise as, to scare off pe….”

“Are you trying to be smart? Are you trying to be bloody smart?…. You cannot just come and talk to me and leave me alone unanswered……did I not answer your questions till now?”
“I think this is the first question I would be asking you after we started talking…. When did I even ask a question mam?”
“Yes! You didn’t. Because you are well trained by that psycho! He told you to hit on m…..”

“I did not hit on you. I was just trying to make conversation. And just so you know. Vampires hit on vampires only…..”

“Yah you are a blood sucking lycan hating group of vampires alright in which he is the cult leader, training you people to suck out the life inside of me”

“I don’t have human friends lady. Try to underst…”

“Oh stop it! Stop it! You are not a vampire!”

“Yes I am”

“No you are not”

“Yes I am”

“Vampires would have long canines”

“You know that is so racist!…why can’t vampires be described in some other pleasant and modest way. Either it must be about my blood sucking or about Dracula or about sunlight…and just so you know our canines would get long and sharp only if we get aroused! Aroused by the scent of blood.”

“You have already got aroused by me. Why aren’t your canines long?”

“I have not been aroused by you and I would know when I get aroused and that’s when my canines get long”

“You have already got aroused by me. That’s why you are doing this to me! As directed by that psychopath! You have already started sucking out my soul”

“Please! You have serious issues that you have take care of! And we just suck blood lady. The soul thing…. That’s a completely different entity”

“So you really are a vampire?!”

“That’s what I have crying out aloud till now”

“No you have not. You have been whispering all this time about your real identity. People around you don’t even know that you are a vampire”

“Of course they know. You see that guy over there near the door…the guy with the blue hat with the times on hand. I talked to that guy last week, introduced myself as a vampire to him”

“Ok. Let’s talk to him then….. Hey the guy with the blue hat near the door?…. Yah that’s you who I called….. Do you know this kid?!”


The guy with the blue hat, reluctantly asked the girl,


“Is he by chance coming back ‘home’ from a bovine blast party?”

“No he is back from a blood bath party?”

“Oh it’s a different party this time. Well! Ok he is a vampire alright!”


The boy and the girl started talking again….


“See I told you”
“Can’t you see that he was mocking you?”
“Mocking me. That’s what is called as acceptance. That’s what is called as socializing”

“No it’s not. He was totally mocking you. He thinks that you are on crack and he doesn’t want to get into any trouble by revolting against you”

“You are in your own world lady! I am not revolting. Please appreciate the goodness in me. I am a vampire and I am still answering to your questions so very patiently and till this moment I don’t have any intentions in sucking out your blood”

“And may I know why?”

“ Because we are good people who only attack and drink blood when we are hungry and because I have had enough to drink and eat in the party. … I said that I was in a party. Please listen to what I say!”

“So what you are saying is you ate in your party. You drank human blood!”
“This is an unjust misinterpretation. We drink animal blood too. Human beings are not our only target! Please understand that”

“Do you wanna keep up with this vampire crap? If you can keep up with this till the sun rises, I will believe you and let you go…”

“I don’t want to die”

“Well we will see. I want to see you turn into ashes”

“You are evil lady…pure evil”

“Your gang has made me evil! You and your blood-sucking friends will repent for what you have done to me”

“I didn’t do anything to you nor my friends! Please don’t compare me with your stupid human boy friend who made your life miserable! I am different from human beings. Our gang is different from your species”

“You think I cannot file charges against you for disrespecting me right now?”

“I think you are more smarter than that!”

“Are you mocking me? Do you think I am incapable of ruining his life and yours? Do you?”

“Lady you have gotten me all wrong. I don’t know anything about this guy you are talking about”

“Ahhhhhh! The lamest excuse. Being his accomplice, you have not been trained well in this section ‘giving out filthy excuses to cover up the fact that you were cheating on your girlfriend’”

“I am not his accomplice lady. I don’t know who you ar…..”

“Oh come on! I know who he hangs out with. Filth!!!!! Same as him and his mistress. Can you even understand the pain that I went through, when he cheated on me?”

“Look here lady all I can say is I am not the man you think I am. Please leave it at th…….”

“How could I? How could I leave this alone when deep inside I am madly in love with him?”

“Then say it to him and leave me alone”

“Can you? Can you forgive your girlfriend who cheated on you? Can you erase those visuals from your mind when you see your soul mate with another person in bed? Can you? Tell me if I were you, can you erase? Can you take him?”

“Lady you have got me all wrong…I have better things to do”

“Like what? Ruining another person’s life?”

“I have got places to be in…I have got work to do….i have a family …I have a girlfriend….. The love of my life”

“And how would she feel if she knew that you are such an heartless person with emptiness inside of you, insulting and killing people like me by acting as a vampire, thereby making me look like an unstable person in front of all these people in this train, ultimately getting me into a mental asylum for the rest of my life”

“Lady! Lady! I feel so sorry for you. That guy whom you are taking about is really a saint. Please look into your life. You are the one who is asking all the questions, who is thinking and imagining all the possibilities to portray reality as illusions, which is making your life miserable. Bottom line. You gotta look into your life”


The girl started crying out aloud, tears swarming out of her eyes, beating her chest with both her hands and started strangling the boy with gritted teeth and ruinous eyes. The crowd in the train came to the boy’s rescue. The crowd then started questioning the girl and the boy


“Why did you try to kill this boy?”
“Because he and his sick friends are playing pranks with me”

“No I am not. I am trying to play pranks with her.”

“He said he is a vampire. He was the one who started the conversation by introducing himself as a vampire”

“I was just trying to break the silence. Trying to socialize…..”

“He was just trying to socialize! Didn’t you hear him say that”

“He is lying. He is lying. He said he is a vampire”

“Why did you say you are a vampire to her? See! You scared the hell out of her”

“If she gets scared for what I am, I really can’t do anything about it”
“See this is what he did to me. Posing as if he is a real vampire”

“Oh my god! I am a vampire. Damn it.”

“No he is not. He is lying”

“I am a vampire. I really am. If there is any doubt, ask that guy with the blue hat near the door”


The crowd turned towards the guy with the blue hat. He reluctantly replied again,


“Look here. I work 12 hours a day. I don’t deserve this. I am not the jury for god’s sake. He said he is a vampire and I said cool. I would not even feel the pain when he sucks my blood, as I am dead inside already!”


The crowd turned back again and asked the boy,


“Are you on crack?”

“I am a vampire and I am telling you this with my clear mind”

“Vampires don’t reveal their identity. They are all always hidden, prefer solitude and they hunt human beings”

“I don’t know in what fairy tale is all this!….what you said about vampires are completely baseless, idi……”

“Stop it. Stop it. Why are you doing this to me? What does he want from me! I even gave him my DVD player while we parted ways”

“I have no idea as to who this gu….”

“Stop playing with her boy. Lady he is on crack. He is not on his right mind. So jus……”
 “I am not on crack. I am a vampire….I dono who th…..”

“You are not a vampire! Vampires have long canines!”

“Only if they get aroused…. Aroused by the scent of blood”

“Ok this is all crap! Leave us alone. He is on cra………”


“Yah RIGHT! What next? you gonna suck our blood!”






“……….police have found 23 dead bodies killed in a mysterious way…….. The vampire murders, the way in which it has been called, as all the victims has huge teeth marks on their necks is creating lots of speculations about the existence of vampires. Religious leader Kirosawa kinu has commented on this incident to be and we quote ‘the start of the end of the world’…….on the other hand, one of the vampire murder victim has given off her brief testimony before losing her breath…..


‘He is not a vampire. He belongs to a group of psychopath lead by my ex boyfriend. Their task was to make me mentally unstable and that has lead to such a massacre……He is not a vampire…. He is not…..’


For geo news….. Live and reporting…”


The boy switched off the TV.  Then he said to his friend sitting next to him,


“Human beings! Can’t live with them. Can’t live without them”

“Nah! We have animals to feed on”

“That’s the problem. They eat animals. We only have them!”

“So how are things with you and your girlfriend?”

“She is angry on killing an innocent woman!”

“Oh!!!! That’s so sad”

“That’s sad?! Wait till the police gets her ex boyfriend!”





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