The story of Zorg, the great goblin warlord

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic
The tales of Zorg, the vicious leader of goblins, how he manages to overcome difficulties which a goblin warlord in a paralell universe has to face.

Submitted: September 04, 2015

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Submitted: September 04, 2015



The story of Zorg, the great goblin warlord


Part I



Long before the first human walked the face of earth, Zorg, the young and promisingly talented prince of goblins strove forward to unite the scattered goblin tribes, driven by the intention of establishing the largest army his kind have ever seen.

While possessing the intelligence of a supreme goblin standing way above the average, Zorg realized that the unification of tribes may be the only chance for his kin to survive. One by one, brave Zorg fought the leaders of the scattered tribes, challenging them in manly contests and emerging victorious every single time.

Each tribe accepted Zorg as their leader, who led them with an iron fist, demanding respect from his lower-class kin. They feared Zorg, yes they feared great Zorg, who - for the slightest sign of disrespect or disloyalty shown towards him - beheaded anyone who was fool enough to question his authority.

While conquering new territories Zorg became a warlord, leaving behind his title of being a prince. Zorg created and enforced the Great Code of Goblins, a massive collection of regulations written with blood, binding all goblins and bringing quick death to the disloyal ones.

As centuries passed, Zorg and his great and fearless army of goblins found their new home in a valley near the ocean and established the great city of goblins, named Weederdam.


* * *


The art of seduction


The great goblin warlord Zorg became well known not only for his supreme skills as a fearless leader, but also for his mastery of the art of seduction. Well before Zorg became a prince, even, he began to put his skills to the test. By the age of seventy (which is considered a very young age according to goblin standards) he had persuaded more than a thousand female goblins to surrender to his will.

He taught them to obey him, and obey they did. It was not for any threat of force but for his wizardry with words, unprecedented for a goblin of his age, and his ability to tap into the depths of the goblin conscience by way of meditative inquiry. By the time he became a centenarian Zorg had humbled all of the female goblins in his kingdom, both young and old, big and small, thick and thin. Again, they all gravitated toward his greatness not for any threat of force but driven by a passion from within; a desire to replicate Zorg’s enlightened mind in the body of the next young goblin. 

Under the Great Code of Goblins, all women belonged to Zorg by decree. At any given moment in time when Zorg was not preoccupied with beheading those who sought to disobey him, Zorg was in the midst of distributing his goblin seeds upon the most youthful and fertile female goblins with the speed and abundance Zorg always knew would be needed to make Weederdam’s population flourish.


* * *


Part II




Zorg and his vast army of fearless goblins built the flourishing, state-of-the-art city of Weederdam, a stronghold which inspired several famous goblin poets to create pieces of art relating to the Great City. It truly meant something to them, a safe haven providing all what a goblin of any social standing would ever wish for. 

But as time went on, the first humans started to appear on earth, forcing the goblin community to seek out certain ways of protecting themselves from the selfish, careless mortal beings. Zorg needed a way to solve the human problem escalating more and more in the vicinity of lands occupied by him. The powerful leader realized that the only way to get rid of the environmentally destructive human race is to sign a pact with the Sativa and Indica goblin tribes, two tribes which Zorg and his army were unable to defeat during their times of conquest.


* * *


The true nature of herbal derivatives


The Indica and Sativa tribes were in the possession of something truly special, an ancient technique of creating certain types of herbal derivatives which, according to Zorg, would be able to influence the mind of the pathetic, weak-willed human race.

However, the acquisiton of ancient recipes and negotiatons over terms regarding the pact was never an easy task, but Zorg proceeded with the old method, surrounded by an aura of glowing self-confidence.

Based on the provisions of the Great Code of Goblins, a leader of a goblin tribe may be challenged by another leader, and if so, the challenged leader shall not back out from the contest; in case the challenged goblin leader backs out from the contest – an act which extremely lowers the reputation of that specific tribe – the coward shall be punished with immediate death, carried out by his own tribe using the most gruesome methods imaginable.

Based on the above provision of the Great Code of Goblins and the law-abiding nature of the Sativa and Indica tribal leaders, they accepted Zorg’s challenge, and went on to fight a two-on-one battle with him in the Great Amphitheatre of Goblins in front of 50,000 bloodthirsty goblin spectators.


* * *


The Battle of Weederdam


The epic battle between Zorg and the Sativa and Indica tribal leaders is till this day remembered as the Battle of Weederdam. It was not a battle in the physical sense of the word, but a battle of the wits, a battle taking place on a higher plane of comprehension.




The leader of the Sativa tribe, Sareef, was born into a family of poor merchant goblins. This family, through multiple generations, specialized in the sale and purchase of low quantities of herbal derivatives. Sareef’s parents had been given many offers to move on to larger transactions but preferred to remain dealing in smaller portions, which would enable them to lead a relatively calm, predictable and risk-free way of life.

By the time Sareef entered goblin adulthood he aspired to operate on a higher level. He successfully pursued many trades and over time emerged a goblin of vast wealth and high standing as a leader of the Sativa tribe. Sareef protected his tribe with a powerful herbal derivative, which, when deployed onto the attackers, completely demobilized them in a downward spiral of hallucinogenic euphoria. The Sativa tribe thus remained unconquered for a long period of time.

Meanwhile, the leader of the Indica tribe, Indoman, had experienced a vastly different upbringing. Indoman was born with a golden spoon in his mouth as the son of a wealthy merchant goblin known in his tribe not only for being its fiery thought leader but also for his hard work ethic and high speed, high volume transactions with special strains of herbal derivatives. This merchant goblin forced his young goblin son, Indoman, to endure stressful child labor in the factory.

Due to the untimely death of his father, Indoman was named Indica’s tribal leader at a very early age. Under the stress of major amounts of responsibility, Indoman issued a tribal decree applying to all members of the tribe requiring mandatory full-time use of the herbal derivative for all goblins, regardless of age, gender, health or social standing. By tranquilizing his tribe of goblins and maintaining them in a perpetual state of deeply perplexing euphoria, Indoman was able to fend off any desire on the part of any attackers who wished to conquer the Indica tribe.

This is how the Battle of Weederdam began. It was a battle centering on one point: who would be able to frame the issue that would set the stage for the debate?


The Great Battle


Zorg, Sareef and Indoman entered the Great Amphitheater of Goblins to much fanfare.

Sareef immediately deployed the Sativa onto Zorg and declared that, effective immediately, everything shall be viewed in two dimensions. Zorg was visibly shaken by this massive headshot but stood his ground, albeit impressed by the wild, yearlong journey that he had experienced within a matter of seconds. 

Zorg asked himself whether it is plausible to view the universe in two dimensions and concluded that while it is plausible, it is not optimal. 

Seeking to optimize the state of affairs, Zorg rocked the Great Amphitheater of Goblins by issuing a decree under the Great Code of Goblins that all things shall be viewed in thirteen dimensions, effective immediately. The sheer depth of this decree caused Sareef to suffer a debilitating stroke and allowed Zorg to claim possession of the Sativa tribe.

With Sareef gone, would Indoman be able to out-wit Zorg?

Indoman gathered his energy and deployed a tranquilizing mass of herb onto his Indica tribe, sending each of them, wherever they may be, into a seemingly perpetual state of hopeless dementia. Zorg asked himself whether such a useless chunk of goblin biomass was worth possessing. At that point, a flash of brilliance pierced Zorg’s mind and the result shocked the entire Amphitheater of Goblins.

Zorg asked Indoman whether there are any female goblins in the hopelessly demented Indica tribe. Indoman replied in the affirmative. Zorg then rocked the Amphitheater once again, issuing a decree under the Great Code of Goblins that all female goblins shall be treated equally, without regard to age, weight or intelligence (including hopeless dementia), and shall come under the purview of, and into the possession of Zorg the great goblin warlord.

Indoman instantly evaporated into microscopic particles... 

Armed with the recipes of powerful herbal derivatives taken from the Sativa and Indica tribes, Zorg continued on his conquest of all things including the human race.


To be continued..... 

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