If I Can't Have You

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic
Once you go insane you can’t go back. They try to fix you. They don’t understand. You can’t truly put broken pieces back together in the same condition they were once in. Insanity is like a piece of you breaking, it hurts, but sometimes you just forget about the pain. Yet, the funniest thing is that I am not insane, I am just emotionally torn. That is something that usually happens when you lose your best friend and two incredible boys are willing to kill themselves for your love. It’s all a game. The only problem- they are dragging me down with them. When you think about it, love and insanity aren’t that different from each other. You lose love when you go insane, and often times love leads you to insanity. Nowadays I constantly find myself asking the same question over and over. Why did this happen to me? If I could go back and give myself advice, it would be to never talk to those two incredible boys. To forever remain in my old perspective of life, the perspective where I believed that the world was a good place. How very wrong I was. I don’t know who to blame, myself for falling in love with two boys at once, or the two boys who insisted on me being with them, even if that meant one had to die. Even if that meant I had to die.


Chelsie Johnston used to live a simple life. She had a good best friend, a caring family, and was starting her senior year. All that changed when Justin and Gabriel showed up. She became friends with the two life long pals and what started as an innocent friendship led to love. A love for both of them that is. When she finds out about their secrets she realizes that she isn’t going to be able to walk away from them, at least not while she has a beating heart. No one ever said love was easy, especially when it is a love so strong that it can kill.

Table of Contents

If I Can't Have You

Submitted: June 21, 2010

Once you go insane you can’t go back. They try to fix you. They don’t understand. You can’t truly put broken pieces back together in the same condition they were once in. Insanity is like a piece of you breaking, it hurts, but sometimes you just forget about the pain. Yet, the funniest thing is that I am not insane, I am just emotionally torn. That is something that usually happens when you lose your best friend and two incredible boys are willing to kill themselves for your love. It’s all a game. The only problem- they are dragging me down with them. When you think about it, love and insanity aren’t that different from each other. You lose love when you go insane, and often times love leads you to insanity. Nowadays I constantly find myself asking the same question over and over. Why did this happen to me? If I could go back and give myself advice, it would be to never talk to those two incredible boys. To forever remain in my old perspective of life, the perspective where I believed that the world was a good place. How very wrong I was. I don’t know who to blame, myself for falling in love with two boys at once, or the two boys who insisted on me being with them, even if that meant one had to die. Even if that meant I had to die.


Chelsie Johnston used to live a simple life. She had a good best friend, a caring family, and was starting her senior year. All that changed when Justin and Gabriel showed up. She became friends with the two life long pals and what started as an innocent friendship led to love. A love for both of them that is. When she finds out about their secrets she realizes that she isn’t going to be able to walk away from them, at least not while she has a beating heart. No one ever said love was easy, especially when it is a love so strong that it can kill.
Read Chapter

Submitted: June 28, 2010

Chapter 2 After going to the bathroom to do a quick touch up on my make up I headed back to study hall. Outside the door I gathered m... Read Chapter

Submitted: June 28, 2010

Chapter 3   The rest of the day was actually fun. Sure the girls were giving me nasty looks, but whatever. If that’s the p... Read Chapter

Submitted: June 28, 2010

Chapter 4   “Ugh! Sorry! Blame Justin.” I grunted as the person got off of me. The person who knocked me down was a mini... Read Chapter

Submitted: June 29, 2010

  Chapter 5   I woke up to a golden light streaming through my pink curtained window. I smiled and slowly got out o... Read Chapter

Submitted: June 29, 2010

Chapter 6    The only thing that I had actually hated about this day was that in second period my math teacher, Mrs. He... Read Chapter

Submitted: June 29, 2010

Chapter 7   “Um, do you have a towel or something that I could use to clean this blood off?” I raised my eyebrows at the... Read Chapter

Submitted: June 29, 2010

Chapter 8   “Sara, run! Get mommy and daddy and run to Linzy and Lilly’s house! Go as fast as you can!” She jumped up ... Read Chapter

Submitted: June 29, 2010

Chapter 9   The next three days were pretty normal. We went to school, came home, and no scary monsters showed up. When Sara... Read Chapter

Submitted: June 30, 2010

Chapter 10   A sickening chill embraced my body as the hand continued to clench my arm. I screamed out in terror and I turne... Read Chapter

Submitted: June 30, 2010

Chapter 11   I burst into the house and ran upstairs to the bathroom. I ignored everyone as they asked what had just happene... Read Chapter

Submitted: June 30, 2010

Chapter 12   I was running through the fields as fast as I could. The rows of cornstalks were in my way and I shoved them do... Read Chapter

Submitted: June 30, 2010

Chapter 13   The problems of the situation flashed through my mind. For one; I would be, yet again, attacked, two; I would m... Read Chapter

Submitted: July 01, 2010

Chapter 14   As I took a shower, all I could think about was Gabriel’s lips making contact with mine. Sure, it wasn’t a ... Read Chapter

Submitted: July 02, 2010

Chapter15 September days slipped into the crisp month of October. School flew by the past couple of weeks, and with the help of my mo... Read Chapter

Submitted: July 03, 2010

Chapter 16 Gabriel ended up having to drive us home because I started having an anxiety attack. I mean come on, who wouldn’t have a... Read Chapter

Submitted: July 05, 2010

Chapter 17   Panic stricken, I looked to see who it was. Please don’t be my killer, please don’t be my killer, please do... Read Chapter

Submitted: July 17, 2010

Chapter 18   I woke up feeling groggy. I winced against the brightness of lights that were being aimed at my face. Blinking,... Read Chapter

Submitted: July 17, 2010

Chapter 19 The rest of the day had passed and I felt better. Well better as long as I tried to ignore the tension that crackled betwe... Read Chapter

Submitted: July 20, 2010

Chapter 20 I woke up to someone shaking me. I was lying on my bed and Justin was standing over my body telling me to wake up. For a s... Read Chapter