I dont regret my regrets

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
Here's a story about me. The worst things ive done in life and the things i did to fix them :) Im sure youll learn something at the end. This is just part 1, part would be about the result. ENJOY:)

Submitted: June 24, 2012

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Submitted: June 24, 2012

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Regrets

I was young so I didnt know any better. I think about my past and think about the things that I could have done different but Its already too late for that. If I didnt do those things I would still be friends with my once closest bestfriends, but now, everytime I pass them in the hallways at school we just dont even say hi or look at each other. Its sad really, I wish everything was the way it was before. People also think of me as a slut. I have to say that its quite true but most of the stories they hear about me are just an over stretched truth. I wasnt like this before but it all started in 7th grade. I moved to Hawaii from the Philippines, and that was the very first time I went out of my country. Its very different and I didnt really know much about the "American Life" so I had a hard time fitting in. I went to school and barely spoke. I knew how to speak english but honestly I was scared if people would make fun of me because at that time I had a thick Filipino accent. During lunch time I would take my tray of food and rush to the bathroom and their I would eat, kind of gross when you think about it but as you can already tell I was very insecure before. Lucky for me, I found a best friend. Me and her were always together, It was just the 2 of us that always hanged out so I didnt really had time to become close with other people, wait, actually I did, but the thing is, the school that I went to was differrent from most schools, almost most of the students were in a military family. I made quite a few friends but most of them moved because like I said, their faily was military. Anyways, over the time I developed a desire of being popular because I would always get jealous of the popular girls, how they have boys after them and their so popular on facebook and unnecessary things like that that most teens desire. I wanted to be just like them, I wanted to get attention, thats when I started to change myself. Before the "change" I used to have longs bang that covered half of my face, I used to wear unmathced outfits, and usually would wear clothes that I thought was super cute in the Philippines but now I realized that the U.S. and the Philippines are 2 very different places, its like visiting two differnt worlds, but its actually the people that makes the 2 very different. It was the year 2009 and I think that was the year that the "Emo Scene" trend was very popular, remember the scene haircuts? lol I didnt want to spend money on an expensive haircut so I grabbed a razor (one that you use to shave your legs) and start layering my hair, I had no cutting exprience. I learned that from a watching a how to video on youtube. I really regretted that, It gave me split ends and my hair looked fucked up and of course I didnt realize it that time, I actually thought it looked good. But anyways, I looked like that in middle school. Anyways, heres what I did to get attention. I downloaded porn pictures on my iTouch and I showed it to a few guys. I knew how crazy guys were about sex especially in middle school where some guys go through puberty and their hormones are raging. I knew they were gonna tell their friends, and then their freinds would tell their friends and you get the whole point. Rumors spread fast especially in Hawaii since the islands here are small. I didnt know what I was thinking doing that but I know for sure that that would put me on the spot light. i didnt care what girls think and when some girls asked mme if I did watch porn I denied it but when a guy asks me I said Hell yeah. It really worked! I was getting noticed, guys startted talking to me. First it was just the nerdy guys, then the average guys then the hot popular guys. They saw me as this "Horny" chick and that definitely changed how they looked at me before. They couldnt stop looking at the pornographic pictures on my iTouch. Heres where things really changed. I changed the way I dressed and the way I acted untill it actually became my nature. The lies, the image that i was trying to be actually became me but that happened in 8th grade but in 7th grade, it was just me trying to be someone im not just for attention. And at that time, I didnt really know that being yourself was very important, I thought everything was going good, in fact great. But yeah, I started wearing shit loads of make up and started wearing really short shorts. By the time I was in 8th grade I had guys falling for me and thats when I started dating. Alot of guys asked me for blow jobs and shit like that, i said no to most of them though but a week before the school year ended, this guy i liked started talking to me, then IDK why but I somehow offered to give him a bj and so I did. We did it behind the bushes after school, haha i know, ghetto. That was my first time and that was unforgetable but somehow after that we never talked again, only one time on facebook when he asked me to have sex with him. We didnt but honestly i would have but I have really strict asian parents and I was pretty much on lockdown. And of course they have no idea this was going on, but I usually would get into a fight them because of what I wore and my make up. Alot of people in my school knew about it, thats when more and more guys asked me to do shit with them. Then highschool came and I became even sluttier, I did more sexual shit and alot of people knew about it, I didnt really care because I was popular. Thats when I lost my best friends. I stopped hanging out with them because i was busy hanging out with a group of guys. This popularity was all new to me so I became greedy of my time and only cared about my image. I didnt care what others think. I also dated my best friends ex and from that point she hated me. I lost my bestfriends, some of them that im still friends with goes to a diffrent highschool though. I didnt really have that much real friends to hang out with, I actually had some but I was ashamed to hang with them because they were all nerdy and I was just so different from them. I also spent about 5 months of my freshmen year hanging with my boyfriend at school. I hanged with him and his friends for a long time, untill I cheated on him and we broke up so I stopped hanging with them. Thats how I even became known as a skeeza (slut/player). Then I started hanging out with this girl who is somehow very similar to me, she stopped hanging out with her friends because ever since she became popular too she didnt wanna be see with them, so me and her always hanged out. She was a bitch to me, well to everyone really but at that time, if I stopped hanging with her my high reputation would go down and I dont wanna become a loner. Then somehow we formed a group. Just us popular girls, infamous. I also said some lies about me saying that I dated so much guys and that I played most of them and that I gave alot of guys a bj. Guys were always after me. Becuase of that I got sexually harrassed by some guys. Some of my exes played me, they didnt want me, they didnt want whats inside they only wanted to "go inside" me and thats the only thing they wanted to do with me. I lost my virginity, i started doing drugs, i wasted my money on weed but I didnt really care before. Girls would look at me and whisper to each other, Atleast every other day I would hear rumors about me. I also posted some inapropiatte pictures of me on facebook, they werent nude but they showed cleavage, tummy and almost my but cheeks, i got tons of likes and the more likes I got the more pictures I posted. I was facebook popular. I was so generous too, I sent guys a nude picture of me but the good things is none of my face were in it so when ever people ask me about it now, I deny it.

My recent heartbreak was my wake up call. I started to realize things.I got tiered of everything. I just wanted to be simple, to have my old friends back, to have true friends that would always be their for me, for people to like and know me for who I am not whats outside. TBH despite how much of slut I am, Im not gonna lie but my closest friends knows me as this nice,smart, caring, positive (not HIV positive lol) kind of girl and that I wasnt like most sluts. Believe or not but I had an average of a 3.8 GPA and I was also recommended and is taking honors classes. Only me knows that I only became a slut just for attention but to people that doesnt know me, I was a bitchy slut to them. Little joys like, when some girls get to know me, they always tell me, wow I had a wrong first impression of you and that really makes me smile. Some people should really get to know someone first before they judge. Also, one of the reasons why I cheated on most of ex's was because they didnt treat me right and my recent ex was just very suspicious, it felt like he was cheating on me so I tried to make him jealous with another guy and that didnt turn out good. I really loved him even after we broke up and after he made a fake fb profile of a girl and posted on my wall saying I was a slut . He denied that it wasnt him but Im not that stupid to know the difference between a fake and real profile. Anyways, i started getting jealous of people who had best freinds and you know, just simple happy people, oh how much I wanted to be them. From that point I didnt care about my popularity and my reputation i just wanted to be happy and simple. But anyways, i was tiered of everything, after spending much time worth of thinking I finally grew up. I started to change slowly, first I stopped saying fake things about me and I started to promise myself not ever to do anything sexual untill I get married. I promised to not ever cheat on my ex's. I promised to change the way I dressed and to wear less make up. I promised to make my sophomore year a whole diffrent year for me, to start fresh. I promised to be myself :) But for now Im still in progress. I really regeretted what I have done before. BUT IF I COULD GO BACK IN TIME AND CHANGE MY MISTAKES, I WOULDNT. FOR THEY HAD TAUGHT ME VERY VALUABLE LESSONS, THEY MADE STRONGER, WISER, SMARTER AND I AM THANKFUL FOR THEM :) MY REGRETS BECAME A BETTER ME. ITS IMPORTANT TO BE YOURSELF. BE THANKFUL FOR YOUR FRIENDS AND THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TILL YOU LOOSE THEM. ALSO,STOP JUDGING PEOPLE,FOR YOU DONT KNOW WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN THROUGH. MAKE SURE YOU PUT YOURSELF IN THEIR SHOES BEFORE MAKING ANY BAD ASSUMPTIONS. BUT IF YOU HAVE NOTHING KIND TO SAY THEN DONT SAY NOTHING AT ALL, BUT ALSO, DONT LISTEN TO YOUR HATERS, THEY HAVE NOTHING ELSE BETTER TO DO AND NOTHING GOOD TO SAY ABOUT THEMSELVES SO THEY HATE YOU. YOU SHOULD LOVE THEM INSTEAD, FOR TALKING ABOUT YOU AND YOU THE CENTER OF THIER WORLD. ANYWAYS GUYS I HOPE YOU LEARNED SOMETHING FROM READING THIS,I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NICE TO SHARE MY LIFE STORY:) god bless everyone :)


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