" DEADBEAT DAD "
( Life Lesson On Love )
So often I ask myself, " What will my children eat? " I can either pay this bill, or buy the needed food, and hope it last through the month.
School is starting in a few weeks, and Daniel will be going to school this year. " What will they wear? " The Salvation Army has been good to us, and they have uniforms. But not the right size to fit my daughter Amy.
" What about the school fees, and supplies? How will i manage those? " Theres somuch on my worrisome mind these days. I find myself taking a lot of things out on my children, and it hurts. It is'nt their fault, their dad left us three years ago.
The only thing he left behind, was a morgage that i find impossible to keep paid, a stack of unpaid bills, and two of the most beautiful children in the world. My job has been the only means of support for my children. My parents help when they can, but they too are on a fixed budget.
Theres no way i would take from them, this is'nt their fault either. But they worry about us so. My dad is a retired lawyer, and has many lawyer friends, who have searched high and low for my childrens dad. But it was hopeless.
Our children haven't seen or heard from their dad in three years, and I know it hurts them. They miss him, and even though he did this to us.. I miss him too, in a way.
I fall asleep most nights wondering, " What did i do, to cause him to up and leave us like that? "
Maybe its the situation, i find myself going through. " Could the pressure to survive life, be the reason? " I know i've thought about it. " God forgive me i have."
I lie there many times and ask God, " Is he still alive? If so, " does he think about us? "
I wake up every morning, worring about getting through the day, and fall asleep thanking God. I thank him, for my strength, my health, and for my children.
I dont know what i would do without them. " They, " can take our home, and turn off the lights. They can even take my children. But the one thing they will never take, is the love.
Its love that keeps me going, when so many times, i just felt like giving up. The battle is hard, life is hard. But we must be strong. Strong in faith, that God will pull us through.
I've forgiven the man, that i once loved with all my heart. The father of my children. Someone they still love, and look up to. It is'nt easy for me to listen to them praise their dad. But its that kind of love, we must all have for one another. If we're to make it in this mixed up crazy world.
We teach our children many things, the least we can do, is let them teach us how to love...
~ Angellynn ~
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