I'm sorry Daddy

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
Pretty self explanatory

Submitted: September 30, 2008

A A A | A A A

Submitted: September 30, 2008



It’s amazing how much you realise you don’t appreciate people until you’re given a reason to.
The news came as a shock, you hear all those stories, on TV, at parties, at the water cooler at work…You sympathise, you pat hands and tell people to ‘stay strong.’ Always thinking ‘I’m so glad it’s not me…That’ll never happen to me.’
It’s a real thing that’s happening, and it’s closing in on almost everyone you know, but there’s always that thought of, it’ll never happen to me.
And then it does.
And your life collapses.
There was something in mum’s eye’s that told me something she was about to tell me was going to break my heart, she sat me on the bed and put her arm around me. I could tell she was having trouble forming the right words in her mind in order to break it to me in the gentlest way possible…
I don’t remember much of what she said.
I just remember watching the tears sill out of her eyes and roll down her face. I didn’t feel sad, I just felt shocked. Like the words that had been spoken had sucked all the emotion and meaning out of me. I felt like a shell, nothing seemed to matter anymore.
I didn’t get the emotions until later.
Lying in my bed, with the darkness and silence around me, the thoughts began to claw their way into my head. I was angry, why my dad? Why did it have to be my dad? There are plenty of fathers out there, why mine? Hadn’t our family gone through enough this year? My diagnosis, we were still recovering from that, and now this popped up. What had we done…No, what had my dad done that had been so wrong that he deserved this? I felt like the whole world was against me, that we were just taking a beating for the hell of it.
Then came the tears, I cried and cried. I tried to stifle the sounds, but emotions came pouring out of me in the forms of sobs and sniffles. All that anger and shock that had built up inside me and confused me so, I let out onto my pillow.  
I felt like a bitch, all those years of communication (or lack of) had mainly been through yelling. I didn’t take an interest in my dad’s life, he was old and dull and old fashioned… No relationship there, just the recognition of blood ties.
It’s only since I found out my dad has Prostate Cancer that I’ve really started to notice him.

© Copyright 2018 Anna Banana. All rights reserved.

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