Its Not All About ME

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
suffering, self esteem issues, self harm, suicide, recovery and hope.

Submitted: September 22, 2012

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Submitted: September 22, 2012

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Its Not All About Me

 

 

Occasionally, my mind has a glimpse of someone I like to see:

A person who whilst vibrant, spirited, witty and free

Is still me.

 

Then I catch a glance of myself in the mirror

And think, “Oh my God, what a horror!”

Realising that’s me.

 

Then my feelings become something like revulsion

And hurting myself, becomes a compulsion

As that’s me.

 

So, I do things I know cause me pain,

Drinking and drugging to feel the shame

Of being me.

 

Becoming bored, of shooting myself in the foot

I will find someone, to give me a boot

That’s still me.

 

Waking up with the bruises, scars and broke bones.

Thinking no-one else knows, I cant tell, I’m alone,

Its only me.

 

With a bottle of pills, I take one morn:

As its too dark, to face another dawn

No more me.

 

Except.., waking I totally realise

I’m okay, not ugly, not really a twat

Is that me?

 

Deciding, at last, to face each challenge anew

If I can’t resolve it,  just make a brew,

And that’s me.

 

Then, lo and behold, I begin to find

It was the ‘wrong un’s’ who were out of their mind

And not me.

 

My head, my thoughts, have started to clear

I realize whats important, what to hold dear,

Finding me.

 

 

I make decisions, which I think are right

And all of a sudden, there is the light-

In front of me.

 

I’ve learned that no matter whether I’m right or wrong,

I’m the only one who  can write


 

my own song

About me.

 

Now, I ‘m going around with a big smiley face,

Finding joy, fun and laughter , in every place

‘Cos that is me.

 

 

One final word to those from my past

Did you think or care, how long it would last

For  me?

 

Trouble is, you know what you are and what you did,

Manipulating, dirty slimy bastards, who slid

All over me.

 

To be honest, when I heard you had packed up life and died

I smiled, felt relieved, yes laughed and never once cried

‘Cos I can be me.

 

Her e I am , years on, enjoying a huge slice of life,

You haven’t beat me, I am alive, got no real strife

I love me.


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