Wow it’s been a while since I’ve updated. Really sorry, this is going to be a long one.
As far as everyone’s health goes, I’m doing much better, so is my Godson and his brother. My mom however is feeling poor again. Not too long ago, she had surgery; a mass was removed from her breast. Her stitches keep popping open and they’ve torn open again. My stepdad is also feeling ill and the kids I babysit all have colds. My father, who stays across the country, isn’t doing to well either. It seems I’m surrounded by sickness everywhere, but it hasn’t been touching me.
Mason and Jenette are both now long stories so I’ll wait until a bit later to talk about them.
And the boyfriend I had is now gone, as I predicted. We broke up right before Homecoming. It was rather difficult. We have remained friends, which is good. I kind of need to be friends with him, because I live at his house every Christmas break. If you’ve read my earlier entries, you’re aware if the situation with my parents. Well my dad comes up to visit, but must have supervised visitation and one of the approved supervisors is his best friend, my now exboyfriends’s dad. So every Christmas, I live at their house, so it is kind of important that we’re friends.
It is getting slightly difficult to be friends with him though. He is a fan of playing mind games (part of the reason we broke up). And his parents, who absolutely adore me (seriously the first time he broke up with me, his mom quit talking to him for like three weeks), are telling him not to talk to me; because they’re worried he’ll like ruin my brain or something. Which, I mean, that’s nice and everything, but it’s really annoying too. And all his friends are against him talking to me, because he still claims to be in love with me and can’t get over me.
But we are talking, despite what everyone says. He’s promised to quit playing mind games with me. I like talking to him, but sometimes it’s difficult. I still love him, but we were in no way meant to be anything more than friends.
Things between Hal and I got really heated really quick and then burned out. That Wednesday when we hung out, we went to the movies and, well, got kicked out cause we got caught in the boys bathroom together, we didn’t have sex or anything, I was on my period at the time, but I was blowing him. We hung out a few times, not much and all of them were kind of sexual.
As far as Mark goes, there’s nothing to tell, it really was just a friendly gesture. We’re just friends and that’s all we’ll ever be, but that’s fine.
Homecoming came and went. It was a lot of fun, I participated in powder puff. Seniors won 49:6. Yay! And my school won the Homecoming game for the first time in six years, which was awesome. The dance was fun I went with Jenette, Kathy, and some other friends. We got our pictures done at a park downtown, and most of us had a great time at the dance. I even got my slow dance with a friend. I kind of blackmailed him into it, but whatever, it was fun, he called me short. And the next week he called me fat. Now I keep stealing his tictacs, which he’s addicted to. I just keep telling him I’m trying to help him get over his addiction by taking them. He gets so mad, it’s really funny.
The other big event (not involving people) in my life, happened today actually. Every year my church holds one service called Children’s Recognition. The kids run the entire service. I did the announcements and two dances and two prayers and participated in praise and worship and I gave the sermon. It was kind of sad, because it was my last one. Next year, I’m too old to do it and I’ll be away at college. It was a lot of fun, but my sermon kind of stunk. I’m not a preacher by any means; my ministry is most definitely dance and not speaking. It also got my family into church, and they almost never go. I’m a Christian, living in a house full of atheists, it’s quite difficult.
Now I’ve come back to Mason and Jenette, and then I will update y’all in Kyle. In order for you to fully understand either or their stories though, I feel I must go back to the beginning for both. I’m sorry this is such a long update, I promise to update more in the future. I’ll start with Mason, simply because if I don’t, some of it will be given away in Jenette’s story.
So as I’ve said before, I met Mason back in May, when Jenette was moving to Washington. They were dating at the time. I knew from the first day I met him that I liked him and vice versa. The next day, when I went over, he gave me a pearl bracelet. We spent a ton of time talking and really getting to know each other. One of the memories he recently brought up is actually quite funny. Jenette and I were upstairs in her room at the window, and he was outside on the ground, smoking. I don’t recall how the topic came about, but he said something along the lines about how I wouldn’t flash him, so I did. The look on his face was hilarious and so worth it.
Well I spent most of that week at her house, helping her pack and he lived with her, so that also meant spending a lot of time with him. We got to know each other quite well. And on the night before Jenette left, she was telling us how she was worried he’d be lonely and didn’t want him to be, so she gave us permission to be “fuck buddies” while she was gone. This didn’t exactly help our attraction toward each other.
So the next day she left and about two hours later, him and I had sex. After that I made a point to try to see him as much as possible, even taking him to my dad’s carnival. And he came to my recital in June, where he met my grandmother, who is probably the biggest loud mouth in my entire family and cannot keep a secret to save her life. Well I found out he was planning to walk home, which I was not ok with, because it was through some rather dangerous neighborhoods. So we gave him a ride home and he asked my grandma for a cigarette. She wanted to know how old he was, which is five years older than I, so of course she told my mother and I was forbidden from talking to him.
Over the summer that worked out pretty well, because he didn’t respond to any form of communication I tried to talk to him through. I thought it was because he was ignoring me, but recently found out that during that time he didn’t have access to any form of communication, aside from face to face, which I couldn’t accomplish for obvious reasons.
Well a few weeks ago, he contacted me. He kept trying to see me and Jenette and I was trying to avoid it, but eventually I gave in and made plans to go see him with Jenette the Sunday after my last update. Jenette ended up not being able to go, but I went anyways. We talked, caught up, watched some comedy thing, and I met his parents. My back was really hurting from dance practice the previous week and I asked him for a back massage, because I swear, he is the best masseuse in the world. So he was rubbing my back and we were talking and he admitted to still having feelings for me, which I sort of guesses from the bulge I could feel in his pants. We ended up kissing and cuddling. We both agreed that we weren’t looking for anything serious and were just going to have some fun, a friends with benefits thing, if you will.
Well, I knew Jenette was still very much in love with him and we decided not to tell her, and I even lied to her to cover it up, but this is getting into her story, so I’ll just stick to his. I’ve spent the past several weeks going to his house as much as I could. I met his daughter, who is one of the most adorable babies every; she’s one. And we played a lot of board games, had a lot of sex. He even attended my church Oktoberfest with me.
Things were starting to get serious; we were even discussing kids and arguing about names. We discussed the future and from everything he said and everything I want, our futures line up really well. I’d say we want about ninety-five percent of the same things. I fell in love with him and I could honestly see myself spending the rest of my life with him.
Last Sunday, he called me up and told me things were too serious and we needed to really dial it back. I haven’t seen him since then and I miss him something terrible.
Then, I had a really bad scare, my period was five days late. I got it though, so no worried, but I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my life, well aside from earlier this year, when I actually was pregnant.
I don’t know what’s going to happen between us, but I do miss him.
Now, on to Jenette…
So I met Jenette when I was about two, because our parents met in a bar and hit it off, so they arranged a play date. Her and I have always been a constant thing, we grew up together, and she was my sister. There was nothing I couldn’t tell her and nothing we didn’t share.
Then, my freshman year of high school, I started getting sexual with guys. I didn’t tell her, I knew she wouldn’t like it. Then, my first boyfriend and I broke up and I was distraught. I went to her for comfort and advice. Instead of being understanding, though, she freaked out and kicked me out of her life for a year and a half. She wouldn’t talk to me, text me, or pick up my calls. I hated it.
Then, right before my sixteenth birthday, she called and apologized. We started hanging out again, but it was different. During that year and a half, we grew apart. Neither of us was the same person and we just weren’t meshing. I started avoiding her, not ignoring her, just trying not to hang out in person. Every time we did, we fought. Then I found out she was moving to Washington and made time with her a priority and no matter how hard it was, we didn’t have a fight.
Then after the thing with Mason in May and June she was mad at me, but we kept talking. She was having troubles in Washington with her family. We talked all summer and it seemed we’d become close again. When she moved back home, I was excited to see her, but things were still off between us. I made more of an effort though.
She went to Homecoming with me, which was a week after Mason and I had kissed and she found out about everything. She was so pissed she chucked her phone across my room at my head. We didn’t talk for about a week after that, because she was ignoring me again. Then she called both him and I up and apologized, saying she acted immature and it was all her fault.
I decided to give her another chance, though he wanted to keep her out of his life. She wanted to know about me and him, and I answered all her questions. This past Monday, she told her sister about him and I, knowing I was forbidden from seeing him. Her sister called my mother and told her that I’ve been seeing him and that I’m not a virgin.
Jenette and I have not spoke since then and I do not plan of speaking to her again. I’m done putting up with all of her bullcrap and I hope she leaves me alone in the future.
Now I’ve come to Kyle. The last I told you, I was struggling to not talk to him. Him and I began talking again a little over a week ago. I texted him and asked to be friends. I did not intend on talking to him again after that, and that entire week I did not have the urge to speak with him either. It was as simple as knowing that I could, made me not desire to.
Well Friday morning, he texted me. Someone had told him that I’ve been having a rough time that week and he texted me to see what was wrong. It made me realize he is still a caring person, just not when it comes to relationships. So since Friday, we have been talking.
One topic of conversation that has come up is sex. And I’ve now agreed to have a sort of friends with benefits thing with him. I do not wish to date him, I don’t want to feel the way he makes me feel when he’s in a relationship, but as friends, he’s great. And benefits are always good. This agreement was just made not even three hours ago so it’s not going anywhere yet, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited.
I have one more thing on my mind I wish to share. This past weekend I spent most of it babysitting. Saturday night I was up after the kids were sleeping and thinking about all my past relationships and I came to a conclusion: I’m kind of a bitch. Every relationship I’ve ever been in, I got into it by becoming close friends with the girl that the guy I wanted was seeing or was interested in. I worked my way into their relationship and tore it apart. Then I was there for both of them and gradually, the guy became mine. Then I severed any friendship I had left with the girl. I can think of three instances where I didn’t do this.
One of those times I cannot really think of anything I did wrong. Another I cheated on the guy and then broke up with him for a third guy (ironically it was Kyle I broke up with him for). The third time I didn’t do what I said above, the guy was new to my school and after we broke up, I completely ruined his reputation and made the few friends he had made hate him. Then I went and made sure it would be difficult for him to make more friends. So yeah, I’m a bitch. Ironically, these three guys, are now some of my best friends…I guess screwing them over is a better option than screwing over the girls they like…interesting….
But now that I know this about myself, I’m going to try to fix it. It’ll be hard, but I don’t want to be a relationship killer or a bitch. Again, sorry for such a long entry, I’ll update more often in the future.
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