Monday, September 23, 2013 6:35 pm

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
My life is full of guys pulling me every way and Kyle won't get off my mind.

Submitted: September 23, 2013

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Submitted: September 23, 2013

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So as far as Paul goes, it’s now been a month. But I’m done with it. I’m going back up to visit my family next month, but not because of him.

School is going ok. I’ve gotten kind of behind though, because I was sick two days last week. I swear doctors have no clue how to diagnose me. Last May I went in and they told me I didn’t have mono, at the end of June I found out, I did have mono all that time. Last Tuesday I was having severe back pain and went to the doctor to find out what was going on; it was even hurting me to walk. They told me I had a kidney infection and prescribed an antibiotic and a strong painkiller. I have to take the pills in the morning with food. Whenever I eat in the morning I get really nauseous. Well they sent my stuff away for further examination. And it turns out I don’t have a kidney infection, but they want me to finish off the medicine. So now I am taking pills every morning that make me feel sick and are meant to cure something I don’t have. Don’t ya love doctors?

My Godson is doing much better. He had mersa and had to have surgery, but he’s back at home and just as happy as ever. Now his brother has it though too, which really isn’t that surprising. His brother kept grabbing him at the sight of the swelling, so he was bond to get it eventually.

Mason is talking to me more and telling me how much he misses me, which is a load of crap. I met him, because he was dating my best friend Jenette, but she was moving away to Washington so they broke up. Long story short, he and I had sex and shortly after he ignored both me and Jenette for a month. Now he’s back and telling us both he misses us and wants to spend time with us. I don’t know what to think of that. I saw him yesterday while I was driving. He was crossing in front of me while I was parked at a red light. I honked to get his attention so I could wave, then he called me, leaving a voicemail saying I scared the “living shit” out of him. Ha! He deserves it.

Jenette’s back home and having a hard time. She has family issues too and we use each other as our escapes. I really missed her. She’s coming to Homecoming with me next weekend; at least I hope she is. I told her she could come, but then I got a boyfriend who wanted to come with me. Neither goes to my school, so I had to get guest passes, but the school won’t give out more than one guest pass per person so I had my friend turn in one of the slips for me. Now that friend may not be able to go, and if she doesn’t go Jenette can’t go either. I’m sure it’ll work out.

So yeah, I have a boyfriend now, but I seriously doubt it’d going to last. We’re great friends and I love him. This isn’t the first time we’ve dated. We don’t seem to get along as well as last time and I just don’t think it’ll go on much longer.

I have another friend, who has been dating this guy, Hal, for about a year and a half now. I’ve had the biggest crush on Hal since before they were dating. Now they’re fighting a lot. They still claim they’re going to get married one day, he even has a ring for her, but I don’t know if that’s going to happen. Him and I are good friends, we talk all the time and I often know more about how he feels in the relationship than she does. However, he rarely engages in any sort of physical contact with me. Today she was sick and out of school. He and I have 1st, 2nd, and 4th hour together, when he walk into 1st hour today he started rubbing my shoulder and kept doing it for a few minutes. It was very odd and I asked him what was up. He said it was just a friendly gesture, but I can’t help but wonder if there’s more behind it or not.

There’s also a sort of new guy in my life. His name is Mark. I’ve known him for many years, because we used to go to the same school before I moved five years ago. We were never close, in fact my friends and I picked on him horribly. He was always the center of our jokes and he had the worst temper, which always made it funnier. Well about a year ago, maybe two, I messaged him on facebook and told him I was sorry for the way we had treated him and we’ve been talking ever since. This past weekend he asked me out. So we’re going to the movies on Wednesday. I don’t know whether to be nervous or excited. I haven’t seen him in four years, but I don’t feel like theres any distance between us.

And now I come to Kyle. He really does seem to be everywhere now. Both his girlfriend and the girl he’s cheating with come to me for advice about him. Everyone else vents to me about him. I know more about his life now than I ever did before. I still haven’t talked to him.

I miss him something terrible. Somehow we always seem to be in the same place. It’s like there’s this tiny gap between us that I’m just itching to close and am afraid to. I don’t know how much longer my self-control will hold up. I don’t think it’s even me stopping myself any more. I’m pretty sure he’s mad at me and I’m afraid of what he’d do if I tried talking to him again.

We shared a pretty sizable group of mutual friends before we quit talking. I have about three of them who still talk to me. The rest are cold toward me and I have a feeling it’s because of him. I can’t be sure, we weren’t exactly close, but we were always friends until this year. I don’t know what he’s telling them or if it’s true, but I hate it.

Even so I still love him, but I actually don’t. I fell in love with him three years ago and I am still in love with the person I fell in love with. The person I love no longer exists. He has changed. He is now cold, heartless, and self-absorbed. If something does not benefit him, then it has no importance and he does not concern himself with it. Even so, I can’t let go of who he was and still love that person deeply. When I look at him, I still see old him, which only makes it harder…

I want to be apart of his life again, but I’m afraid to talk to him. I’m afraid of getting hurt again. And I’m afraid that he’ll take me back and treat me like every other girl….


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