Here I am midday lying in bed, arms sprawled out ,as beads of sweat drip down my face.( It's a 90 degree day and I'm too broke for an air conditioner.) Two minutes ago I was a pathetic little piece of shit having an even shittier day. Now my fate has shifted and it seems as though my day could be described only as fan-fucking-tasticly, amazing. The scraps of sheet rock on the floor, the scribbles from god knows who on my walls, the broken mirror... it all looked beautiful. I felt as though this was the happiest day of my life. This was ecstasy! And no, this is not because I have just discovered my purpose in life, I have not scored an amazing job, I didn't just win the lottery, a man didn't get down on one knee in front of me to express his undying love. To be compIetely honest, I just popped a nice fucking clean pill of ecstasy. I sat up and opened my window wide, staring at the bright warm sun rays. Possibly causing some extensive damage to my over dilated pupils. I see two guys sitting on the porch of their apartment a crossed the parking lot. They look like miserable broke white trash. The remind me of how I had just felt. I flip them off. One of them calls me a cunt. I couldn't give a fuck less if I tried.
I looked at a picture on my vanity. It was of my mother and father. My fathers face was torn out. I haven't spoken to my mom in two weeks and I haven't seen my father since I was four. He used to climb in my bed at night to make me do things to him and touch me. He's a disgusting piece of shit who will get what's coming to him.
My door busts open. It's Bobby. Bobby is my addict roommate. I would simplify it for you but even I can't. Hes addicted to everything and anything that can help him escape reality. "Where's the shit?" I fell back to the bed and laughed. "Oh you on it now huh? Must be fuckin nice." He says. "Where's the shit? Gimme the shit!" He went through my pockets and snatched my bag of rolls. "You know your somthin else kid." He says as he lights a partially smoked cigarette he most likely discovered in the parking lot. "Bobby your from a completely planet your the last person to judge me." I pointed at his arms, scarred from injecting himself and I laughed. "I'm suprised you still can find spots to stick yourself! The sight of your arms is fucking pitiful!" "Oh fuck you then! Are you gonna help me or what?" I had almost forgot. Tomorrow we had to pay rent for this dump. Even though we live in the projects rent is still something we have to scramble for. People always judge us. Say people like us are taking advantage of the government. Spending money on drugs that could be on rent. Even if we saved we don't have money to go do things like those rich bastards do. Lets see them trapped in a shitty grimy ass apartment with nothing to do and no money to do shit with. They would understand.
"Yea I'll help." I tied my hair into a pony tail and changed my clothes. "Try and make yourself look good if that's even possible." Bobby snapped as he walked out. I laughed hysterically.\\ due to the fact that Bobby only has three teeth. I put sunglasses on to hide my pupils I grabbed my mothers old wedding lipstick and applied some on my lips. The tube had my mother and fathers initials carved into it.
I proceeded to meet Bobby on the porch, he was on the phone talking to some people. "So you good right? 15 a pop. That's as low as I can go man.." Blah Blah Blah. Same shit different day. "Ok well I gotta pretty girl here for ya too how about that?" Deal was closed.
My mom was calling my phone. I usually never answer but I figured she might have some cash she could spot me. "Ma? Hey how ya doin...I'm good ya know same old shit different day.....Oh yea well I mean I could see ya today if you could help me out....mom? ....Sorry thought you hung up....Well rents coming up and....mom?......mom?" She hung up. She knows I'm using again. A shitty tan Buick pulled up. Bobby jumped in the front seat and I hopped in the back. It's quite odd, I feel as though I've never met this man before. To my dismay he was old. Not really old but old enough. I had imagined him to look haggard and stressed but to the contrary. He was neat and buisness like. Not how I had imagined him to look. "Hey what's good I'm Alyssa!" I said cheerily still feeling the ex I popped of course. The man glared back at me uneasily through his rearview. "You need water." He threw a half empty, piss warm bottle of water in the back seat. I still drank it. While Bobby and the man talked business I stared out the window. He finally pulled over down a vacant alley way. "You got the shit." The man grumbled. "Yup." Bobby nodded and they, using careful only street taught discretion, swapped the pills for the money with the shake of a hand. "Hit me when you need to re-up," Bobby said as he exited the vehicle. I opened my door to leave -"NO. You were part of the deal." The man said. "Whoa! Whoa sir now you need to relax. I'm a little twisted right now as you can see but I was just trying to get up closer to ya in the front seat if that's ok with you." He grunted and motioned for me to join him in the front seat. I climbed up beside him. "If you pop a one before it'll make it feel real nice. He shook his head. "I'm no junky I do this for the money." I climbed on top of his lap. "Oh that's no fun...It'll be better than you've ever felt before." He caved and reached into his pocket. I handed him the swig that was left in the bottle of water he handed me. He tilted his head back and started to swallow. Before he had a chance to make another move I stabbed him in the throat. I grabbed the pills, his wallet and removed his watch. I stared at him, knife protruding from his throat. The blood was making gurgling sounds. I grabbed the lipstick from my pocket and showed him where it was engraved while he was still clinging to life. "I remember." I said. He looked up to me dying and spurted out my name, as if he were surprised.
I caught up with Bobby. "So that was your father huh?" I nodded. "Not how I pictured him...Do you think he knew it was you?" "He hasn't seen me in four years... but I think he got the hint." "How do you feel?" Bobby asked. I stopped by the side of the road and threw the pills down a street gutter. "Free." I said smileing. "Finally free."
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