Can Not Let Go

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
Taylor had been bed ridden since the nasty break-up of her and her ex. She finds herself at a party and all she wants to do is to forget and move on with her life, but tonight doesn't play out as planned.

Submitted: January 08, 2010

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Submitted: January 08, 2010

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How did I get here, not here physically but here in this moment? Where exactly did I step off the paved path and run deep into the wild where I knew there was no coming back. I felt dazed, confused and tired. I tried to remember what happened and how the fuck I ended up where I was, all I knew was it began with a visit from a friend….

The sound of doorbell echoing all throughout the house is what woke me up. I gradually peeled open my eyes and the sunlight burned so I immediately shut them. Whoever it was could come back later when I felt like getting up as of right now I wasn’t getting up for anything. Suddenly I heard a knock on my door and that instantly made me sit up.

“Wh….Who’s there?” I stuttered nervously

“It’s Evelynn. Your front door was unlocked for some reason. Not really smart since any crazy person could just walk through the door. Will you unlock your bedroom door so I can come in?”

I got out of bed and unlocked the door, Evelynn instantly laughed as she noticed my appearance. I didn’t even have to look in the mirror to know what she saw: Bloodshot eyes, dirty wrecked hair, tear stained face, old t-shirt, and sweat pants. I mumbled some unfriendly words back at her as I returned to my bed. She followed me and lay down next to me on my free pillow.

“How many days has it been Evelynn?”I asked not even looking at her

“Twelve.”

This made me turn around and look at her. She had the sympathetic look in her dark brown eyes and I knew she wasn’t lying. I had been locked up in my room for twelve days but it felt like eternity. I could feel the tears coming back and Evelynn wrapped her arms around me and whispered it was going to be okay. I finally got a hold of my emotions and she let me go with a soft kiss on my cheek.

“You can’t do this forever you know? It’s been almost a month since you guys broke up, and you just graduated, come on. This is not how you’re supposed to be spending your summer before you go off to college.”
“Well then what the hell should I be doing? I had my heart broken okay? You don’t date someone for 3 years and just get over them like that! I mean I found out he had basically cheated on me the whole time we were together. All those memories, the laughter, the kisses, the embraces, everything was a lie. How do you get over something like that,” I asked Evelynn

“Fuck if I know my girlfriend and I are still together. Okay that wasn’t the right thing to say. How about this, Mike Moore is having a huge party at his house tonight. We’ll go together and just get fucking annihilated. You can have a great time and forget that cheating douche bag. You could even hook up with some guys, which kind of disgusts me,” She responded with a small smile dancing on her lips.

I couldn’t help but smile back at her, and it sounded so good to forget these past weeks which have been hell on me. I looked at her and she pleaded at me with her eyes, and I couldn’t say no. Grudgingly I agreed and Evelynn basically stripped me down and threw me in the shower and told me to look decent. I did the best I could. I settled on dark jeans, a white tank top, and flip flops. I looked at myself in the mirror and I couldn’t help but notice the bags under my eyes. What the hell was I thinking going out, I couldn’t handle anything like that right now. As if she could hear my thoughts Evelynn busted through the bathroom door and swore she would fix me up. Within 20 minutes she had me ready to go.

“There’s the Taylor I know,” She said with a smile on her face, “Now let’s go get messed up, I’m driving.”

Driving to the party was a blur, all I knew was the sun was setting and I forgot how much I missed being outside. Evelynn already had a bottle of vodka in her car and she told me to drink up so I did. I passed her the bottle and she took a pretty big gulp, I eyed her and asked if she was good to drive and she laughed and said she was a heavyweight and I had nothing to worry about.

After that we arrived at the party, and I could already tell this was going to be a crazy night. As soon as I stepped out the car some girl on my right threw up, and I don’t mean just a little bit, she completely emptied out the contents of her stomach. Evelynn linked her arm with mine and we both threw our heads back and laughed. There were people standing on the lawn holding red plastic cups which had to be full of beer. We walked up the pavement and entered the house; the first noticeable thing was the loud music blasting all around. It sounded like old school hip-hop maybe MC HAMMER, but I wasn’t sure and I really didn’t care. All I wanted to do was drink and forget everything that had happened the last month. I quickly found the booze and helped myself.

I don’t know why but the alcohol is always in the kitchen, always. There were some people standing around but it wasn’t anyone I recognized from school. One of the guys winked at me and I mumbled ‘in your dreams’ under my breath. I grabbed one of the cups of beer and tried to remember if the saying was: “Liquor before your beer your clear’ or ‘Beer after liquor makes you sicker’

“Just drink it already, your thinking about it too much,” the guy who winked at me said.

“Why don’t you just mind your damn business,” I replied as I gulped the beer down and reached for another cup

“We got a feisty one our hands James,” the guy said as he elbowed his friend in the ribs.

I don’t know if I drank 5 or 15 cups of beer, but I knew I was messed up. The guy who winked at me had his arm around me for some reason and was kissing my neck. I pushed the guy off of me and went searching for Evelynn. Everyone was starting to blend together and I thought I saw her talking to some guy with a pretty boy haircut but it wasn’t her at all, it was actually another guy with long hair. I apologized to the both of them for interrupting their conversation and headed off in another direction. Somehow I ended up in the basement of the house and that’s when I saw him. I locked eyes with him and time stood still like we were the only ones in the whole world. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach and I instantly turned around, the last thing I needed was him to see me like this.

“No fucking way! Taylor….Taylor Reed. What the hell are you doing here?”

“Um….I don’t really know,” I replied turning back around.

That’s when I was standing face to face with my ex, Logan. His black hair was a mess as usual but it worked great for him and his dark blue eyes stared back at me like he was looking deep into your soul. I wanted to kiss him and I wanted him to wrap his arms around me and take me upstairs and do bad things to me. I was brought back to reality as I remembered why we weren’t together. He had pretty much fucked anything that walked.

“I have to go,” I said as I turned around.

“No wait, stay down here with me,” Logan said grabbing my arm.

I should have slapped his hand away and told him to go to hell but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. His hand felt so nice on my mine and I couldn’t say no to him, I was powerless as always. I knew I still loved him and I hated myself for it. So I stayed downstairs in the basement with him. He held my hand and had me sit next to him on a sofa that had 3 other people on it. There were two other guys with weird haircuts and some pretty blonde who seemed to keep smiling at Logan, I wanted to punch her in the face and break her nose, and of course I didn’t….for now.

I took a look at my surroundings and noticed that the basement had bad lighting and the walls were covered in half naked girls. There was a bed in the corner and it appeared someone was getting it on and I couldn’t help but smile a little bit. Logan handed me a cup and told me to take a drink. I knew I had already drunk so much tonight but I downed that cup too. That cup was full of some sort of hard liquor because I wanted to throw up but I kept it down.

All of a sudden I feel my heart rate pick up even more and I don’t realize it but am talking to the blonde girl about this joke I heard earlier. I kept asking her if she thought it was funny but she just kept telling me how beautiful I was to her. I don’t know if it’s been two minutes or two hours but I feel Logan grab my hand and lead me out of the basement. As we exit my eyes adjust to the light and I realize there’s still a party going on upstairs. Everyone’s laughing and having a good time, dancing to the music. Alcohol always seems to bring people together like that. Next thing I know I’m in another dimly lit room sitting on a bed alone with Logan. I try looking at him but my eyes feel like they weigh a ton and I realize I am totally wasted. He’s staring at me with a look I can’t describe. He says something but he sounds like he is a million miles away so I ask him to repeat himself.

“Taylor I’ve missed you so much,” he says leaning in to kiss me.

“You broke my heart, and you know this,” I say stopping him.

“I know but I’ve changed. Let me prove it to you. I’ll take you out to dinner tomorrow, if you want. I know you love steak. I know this great restraunt and you’ll find it irresistible, Please give me another chance.” His eyes ask me begging.

“Did all those other whores find it irresistible too?”

“You know I still love you right?”

I start to answer him but I feel his lips on my neck and it’s unfamiliar to me. It’s been forever since I’ve been alone with him. I know I should stop him but my body won’t let me. His hands are instantly under my shirt unhooking my bra. He swiftly takes my shirt off and his lips are on my shoulders moving down. Somehow I end up naked lying down on the bed with him on top of me. He says he want to make love to me, right now and right here.

How did I get here, not here physically but here in this moment? Where exactly did I step off the paved path and run deep into the wild where I knew there was no coming back. He leans in and kisses me and I feel his tongue in my mouth. I missed him so much and I know tomorrow he won’t even acknowledge me but right now I don’t care. So I say yes, make love to me. So he does and it’s amazing just like I knew it would be.He holds me close and stares me in the eyes the entire time. I feel like he’s changed and just for a second I allow myself to believe that he has and we’ll get back together and be happy but everyone wakes up. As soon as he finishes he gets off of me and kisses me on the mouth. He puts his clothes back on and winks at me, he mumbles something about see you around and he leaves just as quickly as he came.


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